Can’t agree about cry it out

[PlumGoose]

Have a 16 month old. He’s always been a poor sleeper - when NCT friends were progressing to sleeping through the night I was still up breastfeeding 2-3 times a night and multiple other wakes too. We’ve had a handful of nights where he’s slept through all more recently and DH and I both just chronically tired albeit it’s me who does 90% of the night wake, previously through feeding and now because if DH goes in I can often hear it escalating to even worse screaming/crying. Occasionally it’s ok but mostly I end up having to go in and calm an even worse situation.
Since moving to one nap it’s improved a lot and now a couple of night wakes and he can often settle himself - I can tell quite quickly if it’s one of those and don’t need to go in. Tonight it quickly turned to crying, can see on monitor he was stood up in crib and escalating so I go in (even though I’m up at 5 for office) and end up in huge argument because DH adamant I’ve made it worse by going in and should have just left him to cry.
I don’t agree with cry it out and I’ve not managed the past 16 months to just swap to that now. I gave in to DH saying let’s try it and and baby was crying to the point he was sick before I went in and then spent an hour calming him back down. It was just awful but DH just isn’t affected by seeing him so distressed like I suppose I am.
where do we go from here? I’m sick of arguing about it, wish we could split the load and wish we all just got more sleep.
never coslept and not an option - I would have particularly on bad nights but DH very anxious and adamant it was always too dangerous.

I’m old now never co slept with any of mine ,i’m just interested if you co slept with your babies.What age did you stop? By the way i’m not judging anyone just intrested.

The thing about co sleeping is its a long game. Often you start it with a little baby in your bed and its quicker to bf etc.

Then 5 years down the line you have the 6 year old who won't go to sleep without mum lying with them.

A 3 or 4 year old isn't any easier to sleep train than a baby, if anything its harder - much more stubborn, much more capable of fighting their own tiredness for longer to resist falling asleep without you. Not to mention you are trying to reverse a habit you've established for years that is truly ingrained.

No one on here is recommending cio but there are lots of gradual methods to encourage a toddler to sleep with less intervention from mum/dad.

I think the compromise is some gentle sleep training. Letting a baby 'cry it out' as part of a careful sleep training plan is completely different to just not going to them in the middle of the night (when you always have previously).

Can you try gradual retreat? I did this, with my then 15 month old with advice/support from HV. You stay with them so they aren't left crying on their own which I couldn't have done. But I have also co slept on many occasions.

@PeridoteageThis is us, DD is 5 and I get her to sleep by lying down with her and singing songs, then often she wants to be cuddled to sleep too. And why not? It’s the most natural thing for kids to want comfort from their parents at night time. I don’t mind doing it, it’s a nice way to reconnect after we’ve had a whole day of me working and her being at school. My own mum also stayed in the room with me until I fell asleep, until the age of 10.
Kids will grow out of it in their own time - I don’t know of any teenagers who still want to be cuddled to sleep!
OP should just follow her instinct, sleep training to me is just odd and unnatural, especially cry it out.

Please don’t do cry it out, get DS in your bed, he needs comfort from you. Try it might help.

I still sleep with mine. He’s 9. We started co sleeping when he was 3. My husband sleeps in the spare bedroom.

My DS is also 16 month's and breastfed and has never ever slept through. Usually wakes a good few times through the night and atm he's poorly so pretty much on the boob all night.

I'll be honest. I don't get the desperation to get kids sleeping through as soon as possible B and SIL as soon as their babies are born its about getting them to sleep.12 hours.

I don't beleive in cry it out. I think kids should grow up knowing that when they need their parents they'll be there.

We'll wean DS nearer to 2 I think and DP will take over the night wakes till DS settles without boob.

Is it? I live in Scandinavia and I had arguments with the health visitor because I DIDN'T prioritise cry it out when baby was under 6 months (baby needs to learn to self settle, sleep is important for baby and you, they need to learn they don't get what they want, you need to show them who's in charge yadayadayada)

My 11 month old cried it out once. I couldn't go to him for a couple of minutes as I was getting my 7 year old dressed after the bath (he's autistic so can't do it himself). My 11 month had started falling asleep when I went to him having cried solidly for a few minutes and I felt so rotten I picked him up and cuddled him as he fell asleep as I was worried he would feel abandoned. I never let my kids cry it out. All 3 of my older ones didn't sleep through but my youngest does so it's pot luck really