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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd(11) older friends

8 replies

forevermorning · 10/02/2026 18:59

Dd(11) is in y7.

She already knew a lot of older girls (Y8s and Y9s) at this school from a sports group but was the only girl from her primary.

She made friends easily but there had been some bullying issues and then constant friendship group drama and she ended up just hanging out with the older girls instead. She has no friends in her year now, this has been going on for months.

No specific issues with the older girls, there all lovely, she’s now made friends with older boys which I’m not as comfortable with but I’m just generally concerned she has no one in her peer group and the possible effects of this.

I had a phone call with her head of year today to discuss this and she basically just said dd is happy, confident, really well liked and has lots of friends and so isn’t concerned just because they are older even suggesting it was a positive thing. I felt like I was being a nuisance and overprotective.

AIBU to be worried and think it’s important that she has friends in her own year?

OP posts:
crowsfleet · 10/02/2026 19:04

I think the head of year is taking an easy way out. School should know other girls currently available for new friendships in your DDs year and enable them to work alongside, sit next to each other, do a project together

Original poster
forevermorning · 10/02/2026 19:58

crowsfleet · 10/02/2026 19:04

I think the head of year is taking an easy way out. School should know other girls currently available for new friendships in your DDs year and enable them to work alongside, sit next to each other, do a project together

That was my thinking and I get it, there’s probably other children who have no friends at all and are unhappy who need to be a priority but she could have at least acknowledged my concern or gave some suggestions

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 10/02/2026 20:00

How much older and what happens when they all leave?

Original poster
forevermorning · 10/02/2026 20:07

Smartiepants79 · 10/02/2026 20:00

How much older and what happens when they all leave?

Mix of friends in y8 and y9 so 12-14, dd is late august baby so one of the youngest in y7

OP posts:
Summerunlover · 10/02/2026 20:15

My daughter is year 7. And hangs round with year 8s she is more mature and honestly she is happier and is friendly to year 7 girls but doesn’t socialise with them.

stichguru · 10/02/2026 20:15

Is she happy in school?
Are there times when she's lonely because presumably the kids are taught in year group based classes and so she doesn't have friends in her classes?

Heads of year are ridiculously busy. They will mostly be teachers who are teaching and just have a small amount of time to sort out head of year duties. They will barely have enough time to sort out situations where kids are lonely or bullied and really unhappy, let alone intervene where a child is settled and happy and has a good group of friends. I think expecting the head of year to intervene in this is totally unreasonable, unless your child is bullied by the other year 7s, or is terribly lonely and unhappy in class time.

BlueWellieSocks · 10/02/2026 20:21

I think it's fine. DD is the older friend in this sinario, but I really don't notice much difference between her and her sports friends from the year below.

As long as she is friendly enough with girls in her year during lessons etc and not lonely, then this wouldn't bother me at all.

crowsfleet · 10/02/2026 21:23

stichguru · 10/02/2026 20:15

Is she happy in school?
Are there times when she's lonely because presumably the kids are taught in year group based classes and so she doesn't have friends in her classes?

Heads of year are ridiculously busy. They will mostly be teachers who are teaching and just have a small amount of time to sort out head of year duties. They will barely have enough time to sort out situations where kids are lonely or bullied and really unhappy, let alone intervene where a child is settled and happy and has a good group of friends. I think expecting the head of year to intervene in this is totally unreasonable, unless your child is bullied by the other year 7s, or is terribly lonely and unhappy in class time.

well the head of year can surely have a quick chat with the form tutor?

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