Ds special school hot girl in self defence

[isiteverokay]

I’ve just given my ds11 a bollocking for hitting a girl in the face in self defence, he said she kicked him so it was self defence but she’s a girl, so I don’t think it’s an excuse. They’re both in a special school and ds is autistic so sees things very black and white, and I’m assuming the girls is the same. Not heard off the teacher about it.

Depends if the attack is going to keep happening, surely!

Oh dear :( Well you've taken it seriously and you've told him off, so you've done the right thing. Hopefully the girl's parents will be having a word with her as well...although her version of the story may be different I guess and I don't know what level of understanding she has.

I think, instead of going with a "never hit girls under any circumstances" approach, maybe talk to him about how he may have over-reacted given her age and what she did, and ways he could handle it differently if similar occurs in future. If he thinks in black and white he may appreciate a bit of logical guidance.

Oh God, that's embarrassing

I’d be horrified if DS did this, extra needs or not. My DS would be terrified to break the school rules so he wouldn’t physically retaliate, also in ASD class.
My Father always told my brothers not to hit girls to walk away, restrain if necessary. I’ve told my son that too.

Yep! But OP only mentioned one kick, so I was going off that. I know a lot of people were told as kids "if someone hits you, hit them back twice as hard!" - I certainly was! But it's not self defence. I suppose it's more of a long-term strategy... 😅

I think that as these are two children in special school, it's likely that rationality goes out the window quite quickly.

We only have a snapshot of what happened. He reacted to her actions, but we don't know why she did what she did.

OP, persevere with teaching him the best way to react in these situations, as they are likely to occur again. But use these times when he gets it wrong to role play what else he could have done.

There may be consequences from the school, but try to get to the bottom of what happened and why. It might be that the younger child acted inappropriately, and he was just reacting to something unexpected.

My DS was in mainstream school till Y8 and he found many situations difficult to navigate properly because he had/has fairly black and white thinking. I spent a lot of time digging him out of holes and discussing what might have been a better choice.

If a woman is hitting a man it is ok for him to defend himself. Some women are vicious i know girls who used to bite in fights and would have no issue attacking anyone. She stabbed me with a pen for tapping her on the shoulder. And im a women too I didnt hit her back but I would have been in the right

self-harming/hurting

Hitting someone in the face isn’t the same as kicking them on the leg, it’s a disproportionate reaction and isn’t ok. He needs to understand the difference between self defence (trying to stop or minimise the impact of someone assaulting you) and retaliation (hitting someone back). I’d be looking at the other choices he could have made, whether he acted out of instinct, ie lashing out because he was hurt, and why he went for her face. That’s a pretty personal and potentially dangerous response.

Neither sex should use violence against another, but it is not right to say sex does not matter because, as DS grows up, he’ll be getting stronger and stronger compared to that (violent) girl or another, and his physically hitting back could lead to tragedy for both of them.

The age discrepancy here made his action wrong/potentially more dangerous too even if the girl had been a boy.

I think the age gap may be a bigger factor than the sex difference here.

It is weird that you are more bothered about him hitting a girl than you are about him hitting a child who is so much younger, and presumably smaller. You need to send the message that all hitting is wrong, not that it is ok in some circumstances.

It is a special school and they are both there for a reason. This stuff is to be expected to a certain extent. The most important thing is that the school are dealing with it appropriately.

you’re perpetuating sexist stereotypes by saying he can’t hit her because she’s a girl. He can’t hit her because violence is the language of animals, not people. You should be teaching him that violence is never acceptable no matter what.

Don't be daft, kids will kids.
Especially hard to teach kids with additional needs appropriate responses.

Nothing to do with manopshere stuff