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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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10 replies

Lolabunny1985 · 10/02/2026 14:48

I have permission to post from my friend as we would like to know we aren't insane.

Just had an incident with a friend of mine. She has been with a man for a year- a friggin year! He has come to family events, mine and my husbands wedding anniversary meal all sorts. She is single with no kids, he has two teenagers.

He travels around alot for work and is quite wealthy (he takes her with him when she isn't working), she's never spoken to the kids as she didn't want to until a couple of years in- but he speaks to them on the phone around her all the time- rings them before bed etc. Anyway...long story short she found out very recently he was STILL WITH HIS wife (she lives in another country (not ME). She also found out she hadn't met his parents because they weren't in fact passed away- they just knew he was married so he could never introduce them.

She messaged the wife and told her out of courtesy what had been happening as my friend and him have recently rented a flat together and he's been saying he will propose etc in the next couple of years once she's happy to meet the kids.

The wife has replied saying she doesn't care- if my friend thinks she doesn't know what he does then she's stupid and she won't be leaving him as she cares too much about the lifestyle he provides. She has also told my friend she is welcome to keep seeing him as it keeps him out of her hair whilst she can spend money on/with friends. She said the more he shags around the more leverage she has to spend his money.

We are baffled people like this exist and are this selfish! Just the man knowing he isn't ever going anywhere and the wife using my unassuming friend as a pawn in her spending game.

OP posts:
BishyBarnyBee · 10/02/2026 14:50

How very unusual for a wife to share such a detailed game plan with a random woman messaging her 'out of courtesy".

Pollqueen · 10/02/2026 15:19

Good on the wife. All power to her i say 👌

Arlanymor · 10/02/2026 15:22

I'm really not surprised to find out that people lie about a lot of things - he's obviously a bit more Premier League than National Conference in terms of league tables of fibbing his arse off - but sadly it doesn't surprise me.

SummerInSun · 10/02/2026 15:24

No personal knowledge, but I suspect in circles with really large amounts of wealth there are a fair number of women who put up with the husband sleeping around in exchange for the lifestyle and status they get from the marriage. Bit like kings and aristocrats having their official mistresses back in the day…

His elaborate lies to your friend are awful though, especially if she was looking for a future and marriage not a casual bit of fun.

LesserSootyOwl · 10/02/2026 15:26

The man is the bad guy here. His wife has a situation that suits her, she isn't the one who lied to your friend.

Dollymylove · 10/02/2026 15:29

Sounds like a win-win for the wife. Gets the great lifestyle and doesn't have to shag him 😅😅

Swiftie1878 · 10/02/2026 15:40

What the wife thinks/does is really none of anybody’s business.
Now your friend knows she’s the OW, what is she going to do?
And did she really only just realise this?!

Ariel896 · 10/02/2026 15:41

BishyBarnyBee · 10/02/2026 14:50

How very unusual for a wife to share such a detailed game plan with a random woman messaging her 'out of courtesy".

Hmmmmm 🤔 my thoughts too. Not sure I would share this much information with someone who randomly messaged me 🤨

treeowl · 10/02/2026 15:43

It’s not unusual in certain circles but weird the wife has been so open with the other woman.

BauhausOfEliott · 10/02/2026 16:14

the wife using my unassuming friend as a pawn in her spending game

The wife hasn't done anything wrong and isn't using anyone. She hasn't lied to anyone; she's been completely honest. It's not her fault her husband picked your friend to have an affair with.

What do you want the wife to do, exactly? Leave her husband so he can marry your friend? Sorry, but why the fuck should she? He's her husband! Your friend is the 'other woman', not her.

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