It’s 1pm in the afternoon

[gooeyeye]

And dh is still in fucking bed. He works for himself so doesn’t desperately have to be at work, as in he won’t get in the shit, he feels ill. And that’s fair enough but I’ve been ill with this head cold the last 4 days and felt like utter shite, but I’ve carried on as you have to as a mom don’t you. But not men no, they just stay in bed and that’s it. Why do they get away with it ? Is there some unwritten rule ?

The point is OP did get up and sort three kids out ready for school and nursery (hard work at the best of times), and presumably she will pick them all up again, and make sure they have a decent meal, clean clothes for tomorrow etc… Did he think he should be responsible for that? Clearly not….

People saying she shouldn’t be a martyr, do you think twinkle toes the fairy would have come in and done it all?

If the kids are at school, then you can both just flake about. Not sure what the drama is here. 🤷‍♀️

Exactly 😆 the whole thing is that women are the default

thats why you do the bare minimum. There are no prizes for making yourself worse making life harder. Other than the basics most things will be fine if they slip for a few days.

They get away with it because mugs allow them to. It’s not men. It’s useless, pathetic ones with an enabler partner.
3 kids in and you complain now? Certain he was this way since day 1, and that is exactly how you enable him

Only because you've allowed it.

When I'm sick, I don't do anything. DH picks up any of the slack by default.

But OP is the only one doing the bare minimum, her DH isn’t. If she hadn’t set her alarm and got up, the kids wouldn’t have gone to school. DH would have just slept through, she said. So OP has the choice of doing stuff herself or it just not getting done - how is this fair?

It is a certain amount of mental load to be saying the night before "Hey DH I am under the weather would you mind doing the kids tomorrow morning please" or even "we've both got this horrible cold, how shall we split it?"

But her DH doesn't do that proactively so if she wanted the rest she would have to ask for it. He doesn't ask just takes his share of rest, and more.

That's what annoys me, yes they might give you rest time if you asked but they should a
see themselves as equal defaults and sometimes they should be the one to bloody ask.

Having said that, if he is usually at work and is having a day off, and you have 3 children who are all in nursery until 3ish, maybe he is just assuming you can catch up and have a bit of a rest in the mornings.

Even if the woman takes to bed, you can guarantee within 24hrs the man will go down with it and be 10 times worse so woman will end up doing it. Its a tale as old as time!

Eugh blaming women for men’s incompetence and laziness.

Not blaming her FOR it, but pointing out that she isn't doing anything to change it. Every suggestion to deal with it proactively is rebuffed by the OP.

She's not being blamed, but she has to take some responsibility for not making any changes and then complaining about it.

Oh dear he’s got the dreaded Man flu .

shove the kids into the bedroom and shut the door then he’ll have to ….. wont he

I think it’s important to note that women often don’t take good care of themselves. So whilst it could be him being lazy, it could also be you being too hard on yourself and then being annoyed he isn’t also hard on himself. I say this with massive understanding as I used to be like this and realised I was causing my own issues. My DH was quite fine looking after the kids whilst I had a nap as I wasn’t feeling well. It was me that thought this would be somehow unacceptable for a mum to do. He wasn’t actually so much the issue.

You don't need to say 1pm and afternoon. Pm means afternoon.

Oh ffs! 🙄

I thought the same and it was going to a Pedants' Corner thread!

@gooeyeye I've spent the best part of a week in bed with some lurgy.

Very many years ago I knew a couple with a 3 year old and a fairly new baby.
Both parents got flu at the same time.
They took it in turns, using a thermometer. The one that had the lower temperature got up and saw to the children. Luckily this only lasted a few days, but that is how you need to manage such a situation.