I know im in the wrong for snooping!

[Nemo251211]

A while back I snooped on my partners phone after noticing he had a lot of random females in his search history on FB, I found a lot of videos watched that would have been better suited for OF cant quite understand how there are videos on there like I seen, anyway I approached him about it apologised for snooping and told him how it made me feel being that all these girls are very different to me, im quite small chested hes always told me he doesnt care for bigger yet the videos would suggest otherwise, he wasn't happy about me snooping understandably but assured me he wouldn't go searching for girls to awk over on facebook (just to add i have no concerns about him using Pn I understand men have needs and im certainly not available to give him his every need every day) however I feel searching for girls on facebook relentlessly is a lot more personal than knocking one out to a p* star, ive recently walked behind him and noticed hes sat watching them so ive snooped again (stupid I know) and hes still doing it relentlessly, now I don't see the point in approaching him about it again as my feelings are quite obviously invalid, I just need to know if im being unreasonable asking him not to search them, do I just learn to live with the fact? If so how the hell do i get over this insecurity, if youve read this far thank you

At the very least he's a liar and didn't care about your feelings.
He is literally watching these videos in your presence??
Bin him

Does it really matter that these women don't look like you?
He is getting his sexual gratification by perving on other women.
He won't change. That's the type of man he is. Either you accept it and continue to let it affect your self esteem. Or you end the relationship

It’s not you being insecure. It’s him

Men don’t have “needs” that are sexual OP. They may have stronger sexual urges - that isn’t a “need”.
His DESIRE to search for women in whatever kind of videos he is watching is just that. Desire. And he CHOOSES to act on that.
And, from what you say … in your presence.
What part of that behaviour is a “need” OP? Will he die if he doesn’t watch Busty boobs001 or whatever?
Is he cognisant that other people can see his screen?

Just LTB and be done with it. Save yourself the angst.

This isn't a you problem. This is a him problem. It's gross and disrespectful.

Men don't have "needs" they have wants but are perfectly capable of restraining themselves. It's all a choice.

It's not something you have to accept at all. I wouldn't accept a partner watching porn. You can have whatever boundaries you like in your relationships. But it's his choice how he behaves. Clearly he is happy to lie and hide. That alone would be the end of the relationship for me.

There is no way that I would tolerate DH doing this when he is in the same room as me or even in the next room, the fact that you say he is doing it relentlessly makes it worse as it must be an addiction and even worse, he doesn't care about your feelings enough to try and stop himself.
@Nemo251211 find your self respect and show him the door and let your future self thank you later.

my feelings are quite obviously invalid

OP, your feelings are NEVER invalid.

Stop looking at his phone.

Just leave him.

You don't respect his privacy and he doesn't respect your stance on his FB use

What's the point on carrying on with no respect.

Thanks for all your responses, just to add we have been together for 15 years with 3 children, I respected his privacy until I realised what was happening, im going to speak to him again about it tonight and go from there if he cant understand where im coming from then I feel I know the outcome, I love him to pieces but would never disrespect him by doing something he wishes me not to do

Hi OP, that's such a horrible feeling. Sorry that he is being so gross and inconsiderate of how it hurts you.

Like PPs have said, don't even waste your breath bringing it up. He won't change, he will just get better at lying about it.

You are in a horrible position.
When you find a long term partner and father of your children is acting in a way that makes it intolerable, (and perving over countless women would be intolerable to many) you have decisions to make, and no one else can make them for you.

I will say it isn't you who was in the wrong checking his phone, it's your partner who is in the wrong for giving you valid reason to do so.

As youve added some more context of a long term partner/father to your children i always think its worth a shot of change.

No guarantee he will change op but if he is willing I'd reccomend you both listens to pbse podcast, helping couples heal and check out omar minwhalla secret sexual basement. See if any of that feels appropriate and then I'd reccomend Chris jones from harm to healing therapy and podcast.

You may find comfort in love after porn on reddit full of wonderful resources and support.