Why delay divorce?

[Random321]

Nosy question really but why do some people delay getting divorced?

Surely most people just want it over and done with as soon as possible. Is there any reason other or advantage of delaying things.

It costs money, even without solicitors.
If a couple opt for full financial disclosure that can take even longer (and cost even more).
Selling a house, division of assets, child arrangements - again, money, and time.

It’s an expensive, stressful process, so not something most people want to jump at when they are already going through the emotional upheaval and expense of moving house and building a new life.

Loads of reasons - money, kids, life circumstances. Same reason people
delay getting married quite frankly!

Sometimes it takes many years to find the courage to make the leap.
I knew it was time to go, but I was pregnant. Didn’t have the time, emotional strength or £ to do it. Finally started proceedings 7 years later. It took 2 years and a further 3 after that to recover (I went down down down down and had to get back up). I think it might have broken me entirely if I’d done it when DS2 was younger.
All happy now and doing well.

I plan to do it after we’ve been separated one year, but that will depend on saving the money for it, so I may also have to delay it a bit. I guess that’s a big factor for a lot of people; unless one of you meets someone else it may not feel there’s a huge need.

My ex husband and I didn't get our divorce finalised for four years. In our case it was because we were both so blindsided and sad we had to wait for the shock to die down and think about whether it was really what we wanted. We wanted to wait and get it fine when there was less emotion and hurt so that the costs were kept down (solicitors often exploit this). For me too, I was so stressed and anxious at first that the information I was being given just wouldn't stay in my head and I found the process too distressing to tackle immediately. It was only when we had both been with new partners for a while that we both had the motivation and money to complete the process.

For some of my older friends they had just fallen out if love but nothing or no one had replaced it. There was less reason to move on.

We didn't divorce for over 20 years after separation.

During that time we had !little contact.

I cannot speak for his reasons, but I just had no reason to initiate divorce.
I had no wish to marry again so I couldn't be bothered.
When he contacted me and told me he wanted to be out of the deeds of this house so he could raise a mortgage on his new home with his partner and he agreed "our" house would revert to my name only. I agreed.

At the same time he said that he wanted to divorce so he could marry said partner I was fine with that as I got the house that id been paying for for 20 years.

This seemed fair to both of us. He paid all costs associated with a divorce, I just signed a couple of papers.

Ours got delayed because of the pandemic. Then because my Dad died and I couldn’t deal with three sets of solicitors and sorting out his house.

Reading with interest. I have been separated from my husband for years.
We agreed how to split our assets and both bought a new place. Children are adults. We remain friendly. Our wills leave our assets to our children. I really need to decide whether I should divorce him (he won’t do anything about it).

its a huge change and feels very final and scary. Even long after there’s obviously no way back it still feels hard to completely close that chapter. When you were used to thinking of us it’s hard to fully acknowledge that you’re just you, also when looking at the future and responsibilities and realizing you have to carry that all alone. The remaining legal connection can feel a bit like you still have some of that safety left. If there’s no particular reason to divorce quickly it can easily drag on a few years while you both emotionally process it. I think I was 2 years from moving out to final order (and it had already taken 2 years from knowing it’s over to actually leaving), I know others that have taken more like 6 while they get used to the new patterns of life and sort out what’s happening for the kids. It’s a sad thing, no one wants to think about it, so it gets put off.

Went through a divorce about 5 years ago. At first it was very amicable and we both agreed it was for the best. We had a fair split in mind and I naively thought it would stay that way. Once it became more formal and solicitors got involved, it turned ugly surprisingly quickly. What shocked me most was the cost. The legal fees alone still make me shudder when I think about it. The cynical part of me does sometimes wonder whether the system almost encourages conflict, because the longer it drags on, the more everyone gets paid. My main takeaway was that divorce is a luxury for most! We were fortunate in that we were both financially secure enough to walk away and rebuild our lives. I honestly don’t know how couples manage it if money is tight, especially if there are children involved. We didn’t have children together, which in hindsight made things much simpler. Sorry if this sounds bleak... just sharing my experience.

Depends what else is going on in life- illnesses, bereavements, family issues. Also, sometimes slowing things down can mean there are less likely to be hostilities. People get scared by sudden change, so doing a little at a time is more manageable.

I agree with you. My husband and I separated very amicably, but the solicitor I saw tried to encourage me to go after half his pension. I’m not interested! But it’s more money for them isnt it, while it would cause a whole rift with the father of my children, somewhat pointlessly.

if you have little kids, it can be worries over custody, being away from little ones overnight etc

My divorce cost £24k in legal fees! Thankfully my parents helped me and I paid them back but I’m guessing a lot of newly single women/single mums can’t afford it

I think it's bonkers delaying if if you can afford it.

I know of a woman who split were her lazy, cheating former husband. Seperated 8 years. She died recently in a car crash and he's gets everything as they've no children. Money wouldn't have been an issue in this case.

He is apparantly trying to move himself & his newest lady into the house already and probate isn't yet settled. It's a house she inherited after they split and is nicer than his.

She could have just changed/written a will. I have friends who just wrote wills because it was cheaper than a divorce.

My DP and his ex didn't divorce until I suggested that he (as her husband) could in theory register and name her new baby with her new chap. Still took until the kid was almost born to sort out...