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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu for not having party for 5th birthday?

33 replies

Laurasanford789 · 09/02/2026 15:07

Might be a pointless post but I already feel so guilty about the fact I haven't organised a 5 year olds party but truth be told we have had a lot on including a loss, I haven't had the mental capacity to look into it and it's early march

We have agreed soft play and pizza with his younger sis and then family tea in afternoon just doesn't feel enough, I know there are years to come when I can do it but yeah, just feel shitty about it.

Has anyone else just had other plans other than parties for Thier young ones?

OP posts:
Ketryne · 09/02/2026 15:10

We did a big party for my DS for his 4th, but this year we’re giving him a choice between a party and a day out. It’s a few months away yet but so far he’s adamant he wants to go to the science museum 🤷‍♀️ (I was going to offer Legoland but ok!)

I sometimes think kids that age like attending parties more than they like being the centre of one.

carnivalqueenthethird · 09/02/2026 15:11

My son turned 5 this weekend and I had the exact same thoughts as you, I was crying about it on Friday. However the weekend was fantastic. We took him to a show at the theatre and then out for lunch one day, and then on his actual birthday we arranged for him to meet one friend at a soft play as a surprise and then had family round in the afternoon for a presents etc. I made an extra effort to decorate my house to make it feel really special. Everything we did cost less than half of a party. I don’t regret it now at all.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 09/02/2026 15:12

Don't beat yourself up. Sometimes life gets in the way of the best plans 😥 My DD had her birthday party cancelled after we suffered the loss of a close family member - I had no head space to organise things and with the funeral and everything - it was all too much. She's an adult now and remembers the loss but not really the lack of birthday party. I think she'd say we made up for it with all her other parties.

REDB99 · 09/02/2026 15:13

I’d organise something, it’s still a good couple of weeks away to give people notice. Sorry you’ve had a tough time but unless there’s real financial hardship your child shouldn’t not get a party due to adult problems.
Does he want a party? Does he understand why he isn’t getting one? Could you just invite a few friends to the soft play?

NuffSaidSam · 09/02/2026 15:13

I'd invite a couple of his friends along to the softplay/pizza party of the day.

FrozenFebruary · 09/02/2026 15:17

Why can't he at least take a friend's soft play?

would he like a party?

they're only interested in traditional 'at home' type parties for such a short few years now I think it's a shame not to have them if they want them. They don't need to be expensive or a huge hassle ! You've definitely still got plenty of time.

RedSpottyMushrooms · 09/02/2026 15:23

How does he feel about it?
Could you invite a friend to the soft play (if he'd like that)?

Catza · 09/02/2026 15:32

I managed to survive the entire childhood without having a big bash for my birthday and never felt deprived. Birthdays were family time, a few friends coming round for lunch in secondary school. It was really lovely, actually.

User79853257976 · 09/02/2026 15:47

Don’t worry about it it. Could you invite a couple of friends to the soft play?

Coffeeishot · 09/02/2026 15:52

Laurasanford789 · 09/02/2026 15:07

Might be a pointless post but I already feel so guilty about the fact I haven't organised a 5 year olds party but truth be told we have had a lot on including a loss, I haven't had the mental capacity to look into it and it's early march

We have agreed soft play and pizza with his younger sis and then family tea in afternoon just doesn't feel enough, I know there are years to come when I can do it but yeah, just feel shitty about it.

Has anyone else just had other plans other than parties for Thier young ones?

That is fine honestly he doesn't need a party every year. If you want invite a school friend, but you don't have to.

birdysong · 09/02/2026 16:03

We do parties every other year as its too much. The year the dont have a party we go out somewhere as a treat

NameChangedForThis2025 · 09/02/2026 16:08

birdysong · 09/02/2026 16:03

We do parties every other year as its too much. The year the dont have a party we go out somewhere as a treat

We’re going to do this too. Just in the middle of organising the first one (4 years) - it’s fairly low key at the local leisure centre but it all adds up pretty rapidly! 😬 I don’t know how people do it every year. We’ll be aiming for a treat day out with a few close friends for the 5th birthday.

Pinkgin00 · 09/02/2026 16:13

If money isn't an issue, could you invite a couple of his friends to the soft play too? Keep it low key , but it will still feel like a party for your son if he has a couple of friends there.

Moonnstarz · 09/02/2026 16:20

I think it is fine if your child is happy about it. When mine were younger and went to other friends parties then they would ask to have a party and had quite clear ideas of what they wanted (my daughter at 6 for example wanted Rapunzel to come to her party).
There is absolutely nothing wrong though with not doing that, and my kids have never done the whole class party or been to any like that either as it isn't the done thing round here and people generally only do smaller parties.

JustGiveMeReason · 09/02/2026 17:00

I personally think birthday parties are quite important when you are turning 5, 6, or 7.

It doesn't have to be a big deal though - you've still got a month.
Why not invite 3 of his friends to join you at soft play?
Or invite them round for some tea and party games at your house?

Isit2026yet · 09/02/2026 17:04

@Laurasanford789 you’re not unreasonable at all. Instead of just his sister could he take one friend.

Bushmillsbabe · 09/02/2026 17:06

Birthdays don't need to be big. How about asking him to pick 2-3 friends to come to the soft play and bring some sandwiches, crisps and his cake there

ICareNothingForYourCameras · 09/02/2026 18:42

He won't remember not having a party. Presumably he's not constantly asking for one only for you to say No, you can't be bothered? There are other things going on and it just hasn't happened. What matters is that he feels special on his birthday which it sounds like he will with your plans.

If you decide you want to do something, you could ask a couple of his friends over next weekend to give them a bit of notice, order pizza (or cook supermarket ones at home) and eat ice-cream and cake. They can play with whatever toys they like and watch TV. Minimal effort and expense for you, lots of fun for them. You could always have a few no-prep-needed games in your head in case it looks like they need some structure. I can't think of any off the top of my head but there are loads of examples online.

sparklyblueberry2 · 09/02/2026 20:56

my child has a Feb birthday so house/garden party is not great in the winter. He had a party for his 3rd and 4th and then his 6th. He was overwhelmed at all of them. Doing a soft play party for his 7th with a limit of 15friends. He does not feel like he missed out in reception, we had so many parties that year and there were no real established friendship groups so would’ve been hard to limit numbers for cost reasons. Younger sibling may have a 4th party (undecided yet but he’s still only 2) and then we’ll do a 6th and 7th again but after that will be even more of a select group. The cost is immense and even a softplay party is stressful as the host parents. Don’t overthink it, they will have a great birthday regardless.
I actually wish we had gone to somewhere like Legoland when the weather improves rather than spend £250 on softplay for a couple of hours but 7yr olds generally do not like to wait!

sexnotgenders · 09/02/2026 21:07

JustGiveMeReason · 09/02/2026 17:00

I personally think birthday parties are quite important when you are turning 5, 6, or 7.

It doesn't have to be a big deal though - you've still got a month.
Why not invite 3 of his friends to join you at soft play?
Or invite them round for some tea and party games at your house?

I agree with this. My DD turns 5 at the start of March and she is already insanely excited about her party. I couldn’t imagine not holding one for her. But that’s my child. I know that is what she wants. My DS is only 2, so who knows if he’ll be the same, but I would always offer it to both my children (and definitely at the 4/5/6/7 ages as that kind of feels peak traditional ‘kids party’ age).

So I would say, it is absolutely fine not to have a party, if that is what your child is happy with. Otherwise no, I think you need to do something where they get to celebrate with friends and not just family

Justtobeclear · 09/02/2026 21:15

We missed a few years of parties because we always gave the option of going away for a little break or party. We’ve been for overnight stays at chessington, legoland and a hot tub lodge for as much as a party would have cost. I’ve never regretted it. They are turning 9 now and have asked for a small tea after school so we’ve hired a gaming bus as a surprise.

Leapintothelightning · 09/02/2026 21:16

For my eldest, we did a party for her 4th birthday that cost us £350+ so she was told in no uncertain terms that she wouldn’t be getting one for her 5th. We went to soft play with her sister and a couple of friends. She loved it, they don’t need a big party.

mixedcereal · 09/02/2026 21:22

No 5 year old NEEDS a party…so I think you should put your energy into something other than feeling guilty about this, because you have no need to feel guilty

FasterMichelin · 09/02/2026 21:24

Parties are bloody expensive, let alone the stress of organising them. We’re doing one this year but certainly don’t do them every year.

Honestly, kids just want to feel special, they don’t need a class party for that. Lots of fuss, attention, some special gifts and lots of quality time and I’m sure they’ll love it!

Bitzee · 09/02/2026 21:25

As long he’s not bothered and asking about his party because he’s been to a classmates every other weekend then I don’t see the issue. If he is asking then invite a couple of friends to join you at soft play??