Vegetarian toddler very picky

[Teaandwater]

I am currently childming a little boy who is 18 months, minding him 6 months. His parents are bringing him up vegetarian. Over the last month he has literally refused any dinner I have made, some of which where his favourites. I make everything from scratch and really make sure the meals I am cooking are nutritious and healthy.

I do a lot of batch cooking so freezer is full of his meals that he now refuses to eat. I have told Dad at pick ups that he has not eaten his dinner and he always seems a bit shocked even though he has regularly told me that they find it hard to get him to eat vegetables in their house.

I've actually started to dread dinnertime as I know he will refuse to eat I'm throwing so much food in the bin.

Any advice on what I should do?

Just wondering if you've tried him with a smoothie? Could be yoghurt and the fruit he likes, with copious honey or maple syrup, and gradually start getting tiny amounts of other things in and reducing the sugar.

My meat eating toddler goes through phases of only eating toast and fruit. It doesn't usually last longer than a day or two but we just go with the flow.

If he's eating pretty well at home then I wouldn't worry as much. As others have suggested just offer some finger foods, alongside the foods you know he will definitely eat. Just keep offering and one day he will probably try it. Stop batch cooking for now as its a waste of your time and food.

Its no different than some omnivore kids who refuse to eat anything but chicken dippers and chips.

I agree with others that this is a normal phase at that age. Both my kids rejected most vegetables from around 20 months, our youngest is starting to eat them again now at 2.5. she was completely fine with most meals before then.

It took a lot of effort from us to get back on track, it's really not something I would expect the childminder to do.

We provide a lunch box as well. I think you need a proper talk with the parents to understand what's happening at home. I would also make them provide at least 1 of the main meals.

Sounds daft but have you tried something like a bento box or a tray with compartments? And offer say 6 or even 8 different things in small amounts? I know a faff but things like tofu (my fussier veggie kid loves it) grated carrot, cheese cubes, olives, anything that you know he’ll eat. Fruit in some. Rotate the things you offer but always include a couple of reliable options. Fully accept that he won’t eat some or even a lot of it but just keep offering with little comment.

Yuck no, please don't do that and ignore ignorant comments like this.

And so can many other things. Equally, meat eating children can also be iron deficient- not that you know he is. If you are a certified child minder, surely you have more evidence-based resources to develop healthy relationship with food, irrespective of diet type?

Can you switch the main meal around so they have the eggs before they go. Could you ask parents to provide some leftovers that they know he will eat so you can see if it’s just your setting that he refuses food in. Or you send some batch cooking home with them and if he eats it at his house then it’s a behaviour thing you need to ride out.

I have offered him all the food you suggested and more but he doesn't like any of them. My own kids were not vegetarian and they would have gladly scoffed everything mentioned. It's just concerning that his diet is so limited. He literally eats eggs, cheese, raspberries, strawberries and yogurt at the minute so its hard to rotate different foods. He physically shuts down if I offer him anything new and at times has refused then to eat the food he does like.

I have spoken to both parents about him refusing a lot of the food he previously liked but they don't really comment. They do however want him to have dinner in my own and ask for a picture of his lunch and dinner everyday. Lunch is fine, dinner is not. I know he is not a great eater at home either as it's been mentioned before. Sometimes Dad will say he didn't eat his breakfast this morning so he might have his morning snack earlier. I'm going to speak to the parents again today and see what they think. I don't mind sending dinner home so they can try. I also think dinner is a bit early too at 4pm and he might be more ready to eat at 5 30pm. I feed him at 4 because he gets collected at 4.30. I've started to bring lunch back to 11.30am when possible as he is quite a slow eater too.

If he’s eating the majority of his food at your house, and you know it’s not a well rounded diet, I know it’s through no fault of your own, is there a responsibility to alert a professional? You do have a safeguarding responsibility.

One of my children was very iron deficient before we realised. They were irritable, tired, weren’t eating much, picky, cold hands and feet and it took strong iron tablets and a nutritionist to sort it out. They weren’t vegetarian, just fussy and strong willed. It’s crazy how much low iron levels affects you in all sorts of ways.
i would suggest a concern to the parents. It’s not a bad thing to check someone’s iron levels and weight gain.

I've not known a childminder provide food before, I have to pack all food and lunches for my child when I drop her off. I'd just simply say you're concerned that he isn't eating your food so parents need to provide a packed lunch from 'said' date.

Also, as you're working in an educational role as a childminder I'm going to be pedantic and correct your spelling of tomato and potato, no E in either of them.

So he is eating at 4 and then not eating breakfast?

They aren't feeding him anything in the evening?

So you are basically giving him all 3 meals each day?

You need a proper sit down here as you may as well adopt him at this rate.

I was also going to suggest this.

I thought my 2 year old was being extremely fussy but when I give him dinner leftovers for lunch he generally eats them or at least is much more interested in tasting things. He just doesn't seem to always be hungry enough for a 3rd meal after a good breakfast and lunch.

Stop providing his food get them to.

You need to start being more assertive about this. If he refuses to eat and the parents are ‘expecting’ you to still feed him then you firmly need to tell them that if he won’t eat you will offer fruit and yoghurt and they need to feed him dinner.
Their attitude will sharply change once you put in some firm rules here.

I’ve never eaten meat or fish in all my 43 years and I’ve never been short of iron or anything else. Your attitude was backwards even in the 80s.

Good for you.
As for my backwards attitude, I don't care if you eat grass only.
You will find out about the consequences of your rabbit diet when/if much older.
😊

That’s nice that you eat a well rounded vegetarian diet, unlike this child. Low iron does lead to poor appetite and irritability, it’s a valid opinion and might be a bigger problem for this child.

Are you cooking it as his parents would?

I would really recommend not adding veg. Its tempting/often advised to add things to meals if you discover they like it, eg to get a pasta sauce then "hide" veg in it, or find out they like omelettes and keep trying to add stuff. In my experience that takes food which kids trust, and makes them suspicious of it.

What worked for us was not adjusting safe foods and keeping them consistent and reliable, but giving no pressure options of sides.

Like another poster, seperated plates worked for us with something new in one of the sections but familiar stuff in the other 2. We had yes foods, maybe foods, and trying foods. So for example we would add omelette in the yes section, chosen fruit or grated cheese in the maybe and then something more risky in the last eg chick peas.

We found the low pressure thing meant they sometimes tried it a few times, and liked it enough to be promoted into a yes food but that sometimes the yes foods from old became trying foods
Sometimes they didn't try them at all but we didnt cajole. We realised that the more we pushed the more resistant they are

A huge proportion of toddlers (and tbh adults and older children!) don't eat a well rounded diet, vegetarian or otherwise.

I know plenty of meat eating children who eat an absolutely shit diet - nuggets, waffles, ham, frubes and that's about it.

Eating meat doesn't somehow guarantee a well balanced nutritious diet

Speaking of consequences, had you forgotten to consider those when agreeing with a suggestion that a childminder should risk her registration by covertly feeding meat to a vegetarian child?

Do many kids of this age eat a balanced diet?

We used to hear that a lot because our kids eat predominantly veggie, until we pointed out the comparative foods eg that my cheesestring, has more protein that the fridgeraiders their kids were eating and that the apricots were higher in iron then their ham sandwiches.

If people's toddlers were all eating beautifully balanced meal then they can throw stones, but most of us are grabbing what we can!

The comparison is always some clean eating healthy meat eater with a living off quorn, crisps and chocolate veggie. Most people live somewhere in between

Reality is most of the unhealthy veggie stuff is consumed by everyone eg crisps, sweets etc. And for every upf consuming veggie eating a mc plant, theres also a upf eating non veggie eating a quarterpounder

Exactly.

And tbh a limited and vegetarian and fussy-toddler-suitable diet can still be balanced!

Eg my kids basically lived on the following on repeat from the ages of about 2-5...

beans on toast, eggy bread, porridge, stewed apple, yoghurt (by which I mean plain live yoghurt not frubes or petit filous etc!) with whatever fruit they will eat this week, dried fruit, chunks of cheese, berries, pancakes, cream cheese on a muffin, peas and sweetcorn (served frozen if necessary, they all love frozen peas for some weird reason), pasta pesto, pasta with tomato sauce and grated cheese, margarita pizza, jacket potato with beans and/or cheese, cucumber sticks, homemade apple cake/crumble...

All likely to be winners with most toddlers, all veggie, and all add up to a completely acceptable diet.

My veggie 20 month old is similarly fussy. He only eats peanut butter on toast, pasta in tomato sauce (with hidden veg), yoghurt, bananas, weetabix, toddler biscotti, rice cakes and melty sticks. He is growing well and meeting his milestones so GP and HV weren't initially interested when we sought help.

However, he goes months refusing to try anything new. We have been pestering our health visitor and have attended a course with a dietician. We are now implementing some strategies to help improve things and will be referred to a dietician if we don't see change in the next few months.

Toddler fussiness is normal but a very small list of foods eaten may mean more support is needed.

Parents need to make sure they offer meals at home - my DS tends to graze at nursery so we always give breakfast and tea at home.

Do they give vitamins? We give a daily multivitamin in his morning milk.

Pickiness at that age is a normal part of development. Keep offering the food and he should move past it soon enough. It's all the do with them becoming self aware and realising they can say no.