To still be struggling 18 months on

[Juleee]

So, I am starting to think there is something wrong with me. My ex of 20 years left me for his best friends sister around 18 months ago. We have 2 children 6 and 9 and I am usually ok day to day but when the kids say things like I want you and dad to be together it breaks my heart as I did everything I could to keep the family unit. It’s not that I am still not over it as I have been seeing somebody for the past 2 months who I genuinely like. Doesbthe guikt ever go away?

Why do you have guilt? What is the guilty purpose?

Guilt serves no purpose, it doesnt make the situation better, it serves to make you and your situation worse. Get rid of it. Stop the guilt.

You cant change the past, you are where you are - you need to find a way that deals with this scenario so they start to heal, and they stop hoping it will change;

when the kids say things like I want you and dad to be together

Whether that is an answer that mummy and daddy love you very much, but they are apart, and they wont be together.

I don’t know why I feel guilty as I am aware that there is nothing I can do to change it. It isn’t my fault he fell in love with somebody else. I do say these things to reassure them it just hits me sometimes.

Is it grief you're feeling, rather than guilt? You had an idea of what your future would look like and your ex walked out on it and destroyed it. Now you're left picking up the pieces and dealing with your children's sadness. You never planned for that or wanted it, so no wonder it makes you sad. Do you blame yourself for trusting him? He betrayed in a really horrible way.

It sounds like you haven't let yourself fully feel the pain of what you lost - love, trust, a future - so it's still really raw. You might need to talk it all through with someone, untangle all your feelings, particularly as you are in a new relationship that could be damaged by anything that's still painful or unresolved.