Dh lost interest in se*

[Bravo45]

Dh not allowing much s**. Admits he is not. Interested. Thinking f with benefits with man I know. If it happens I would discuss with Dh. Not sure he would be bothered. Am I being unreasonable?

Off topic but why can’t the word ‘sex’ be written in full?

Anything is fine if both parties agree but I think it would be unusual for both parties to genuinely be ok with this. I suspect it would quickly lead to divorce. That might be ok, but if it’s not then I’d tread carefully.

Thanks for reply. Maybe best to to raise subject gently first but this may be tricky. Part of me thinks if it would be safer not to say anything and test the water

Don't cheat. You can leave, you can come to an agreement on open relationship, you can be sexless, the options are there. But cheating makes you morally bancrupt.

You might find he is bothered. If not, fine. The assumption is not yours to make.

Blimey OP if you can't even use the word sex in this thread it's difficult to see how you can ever have a conversation about this with your H.

Surely if he has told you he isn't interested in having sex the logical way to go is to have a discussion on where your marriage goes from there?
But it sounds as though you have already been exploring finding some one to cheat on him with. Is your marriage not already dead in the water if that is your first thought?

YABU not even using the word!

You sound very uptight if you're frightened to say the word 'sex'. Could this be part of the problem?

Yabvvvvu for not writing down what you mean.

I don’t see a problem so long as you discuss it with him beforehand and he agrees. I’m assuming the friend would also be up for this arrangement?

Personally, I’d be having a wider convo about your marriage. I get where your DH is coming from - I can’t be arsed and can take it or leave it - but if that doesn’t work for you, that’s surely a dealbreaker?

Mmm looks like I am being heavily criticised over my use of language. About 6 so far, maybe more to come. What is important is the meaning of the situation.I

Continued - I am not experienced in posting on social media, I was sure sure if some words would be censored.
I am experienced and open minded and in retirement.
Ok hopefully to satisfy comments-
Sex Sex Sex..
Got that of my chest.

Discussion with hubby soon.

Like reading a telegram STOP.

It’s like a buffet of unreasonableness. Adultry. Se*. Hubby. “Experienced, open minded and in retirement” reads like a dating ad.

Are you doing your fair share of the housework and childcare? Is it him that takes the mental load? No person has a right to sex and pestering is gross.

Sorry to hijack your post OP. When a man asks the same here, these questions are normally asked in the first 3 comments and I haven't seen them yet.

I hope you can resolve your situation.

How is your relationship apart from that? Do you love each other? Do you have fun? If you spend all your time bickering and nagging at each other, then I can see why things might be dead in the bedroom.

When he says he's 'not interested', why is that? Would he like to be interested? Because there's a big difference in 'I've lost my sex drive and I'd like to get it back' and 'I don't really enjoy sex and would happily never have it again'. If it's the former, he can go to the doctor and get some hormone checks done.

Also, how old are you both? There's a big difference between a man losing interest at 70 and a man losing interest at 35.

If you want to have sex with other people, and you think that's a conversation that won't devastate your husband, of course you can talk to him.

But given that you apparently like the idea of a 'friend with benefits' - someone you really like, trust and sexually compatible with - rather than meeting people online or whatever, I suspect that what you actually want is to leave your husband for someone else. You haven't said anything about your husband that indicates why you want to stay with him and have sex with someone else on the side, rather than simply leaving him to find someone else (or start a relationship with someone you've already found).

Just write sex. We’re all adults.

Yabu. I understand that having a partner with a low sex drive is frustrating but no matter how unhappy you are there's no excuse to cheat. Leave him and find someone with a higher sex drive.