Should i move out of area whilst DC at uni

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Ok big dilema and i need honest advice.

I am in middle of divorce and i have 2 dcs both living in a city just over 1hr away from us now. Youngest has just gone to uni this year.

After our house is sold I was going to stay in home town and rent a place for 3 years until youngest has graduated and then move to a destination nearer the coast as a final move and fresh start. (A couple of hours away from here). I am currently working in a job i dont mind but it wouldn't keep me in this area.

I dont want to stay in my area for retirement as i find it too quiet and both my kids said they wouldnt move back after living in the city as its too rural. We are selling our house so it means i will have to hold off buying my next place for 3 years.

My eldest has said i should move now to the new area and why put my life on hold for 3 years when neither of them will be moving back to home town.

I feel bad about the uni holidays but my youngests friends from college live over an hour away from where we live now anyway. (He went to a college half an hour away and they live at least another half hour in the other direction.) He hasnt really kept in touch with friends from school in same town as us. He might go to the odd party locally but isnt that keen.

His uni city is also an hour away from his college friends home town so he could in theory visit them from his uni accomodation. He has a 12 month contract with his uni accomodation. He doesnt see college friends more than once a week in holidays and has usually stayed over when he has due to travel distance from home.

Anyway i have been thinking about this and spoke to my youngest for his thoughts. He said the area i was looking at moving to was very far away and he wouldnt know anyone but i should do what is best for me and he will manage.

The area i am looking at moving to is an hour and a half from both DCs city (furthest i would want to be from them) but in the opposite direction from his friends so it wouldnt be practical for him to visit his friends from there.

In an ideal world i would be staying in the same town until he had left uni and they have both settled somewhere but it does feel like i am putting my life on hold when i know they have no intention of moving back here perminantly as its too rural.

Also we have no family in our current area so no family ties and we have only been living here for around 8 years due to a work move.

He will be trying to get work over the summer so i am a bit worried he will either have to stay in uni town and i wont see him much or he will have to get work where i move to and he will have absolutley no social life over the summer. Neither of those options sounds good!

What would you do? If you think i should wait 3 years before moving please put i am being unreasonable.

I think you should buy where you are going to live, once you have the money from the sale.

Just reading your title, I was going to say it is a shame for the dc to not have 'home' to come back to in the holidays, BUT having read your whole post, then they won't be coming back for anything anyway. The lack of local friends (plus of course a different house) means there is nothing to tempt them to your new house, other than you, so they can stay with you in your new home.

You should move and restart your life. I'm cautious so I'd probably still rent in the new area and see how it goes. If it doesn't suit you can always go back to plan A of renting in your current town.

Your DCs are getting on with their lives and have encouraged you to get on with yours. Make the move, OP.

If you’re unsure, rent in the new place for 12 months whilst you find your feet.

It’s a lot of change for all of you at one time. I’d be worried about the ‘kids’ dealing with all the change at once but it’s a balancing act for you so it’s not totally selfish to put yourself first.

If you’re not going to end up resenting your youngest for it I’d try to keep a base the same for at least 12 months as presumably approx 5 months they’ll be at ‘home’ rather than uni

Honestly, my mum moved abroad when I was at uni and I toughed it out but I HATED it. I never told her this but I felt like I didn't have a home to go to anymore. Uni isn't the same as moving out, they probably won't want to stay in their accomodation all summer once all their friends have left. I'd hold off on moving to the coast until they have finished uni. I'm aware my own experience is colouring my perspective but it did make me feel really untethered, and I think it put distance between me and my family which we've never really closed.

Yes think carefully about moving while they are at uni. Ours became extra attached and sort of sentimental about home even though they were happy away, loved bringing new friends back in the holidays. We were several hours travel away. It’s still a bit of an anchorage while they navigate life after graduating. Also, how easy will it be for you to get work in the new place?

My Dd is away with her mates from college now - at where one of them is at uni. Last term they visited another of their friends about 200 miles away from there. They do see each other on breaks but not so much as working and travelling and spending time either family.
Your youngest, if they get a job wherever you move to will surely meet people where they work? And if they stayed near uni (if going in to private accommodation their lease is likely to start July 1 anyway) an hour and a half isn’t that far and they could visit for weekends.
I wouldn’t put plans in hold just so my child had a base to see friends a few weeks a year.

It’s hard isn’t it OP. I want to move back to my home town, I’d be mortgage free, by the sea and able to take a less stressful job.

DD3 is 18 this year and horrified at being abandoned and DD1 is back living at home post Uni and guilting me.

i left home at 18 and that was that so I’m finding it hard - I’ve been a single parent for almost 18 years, raising 3 kids - financially stretching myself so they had their own rooms, nice lives etc but I don’t get to be selfish

but I don’t - not yet … 3 more years maybe 🙄

My parents moved abroad when I went to uni and it was tough. But mainly because they didn’t have room for me in their new place.

if you have a room for them that is always welcome etc then that’s fine.