This weirded me out-AIBU?

[Wildegeese]

My DH is chronically ill and I am his caregiver, for context.

My MIL was talking to me about way to help him feel better- all fine so far. It is something I have to think about

She then said 'You have beautiful long hair. When he was a baby he LOVED playing with my hair and running his fingers through it. Maybe he'd like to do that with yours?'

😬 I moved the conversation along but that felt odd to me. Would you be uncomfortable too?

Not at all! I have long hair too, and I adore it being played with, nothing wrong with that!

My DDs used to play with it, it’s so relaxing and nice. I’m happy for just about anyone to play with my hair. It started out with my gran doing it.

Her baby boy is ill. I’d be suggesting anything too.

I’d cut her some slack.

This.

What ismaking you uncomfortable?
Maybe it’s something in you rather than the act?

It‘s a relaxing thing. All apes do it!

Her son is chronically ill and she was reminiscing out loud I don't think that's weird at all.

I’d also find this uncomfortable

I don’t think it’s specifically the hair, any recommendation of physical contact from my MIL would feel odd. Hair stroking, back rub, cuddle, feet rubbing. And the fact that they used to do it. I don’t know, for me it’s weird

Oh gosh, yes OP. Totally ugh and inappropriate. Would have left me feeling uncomfortable too.

The suggestion might strike me as slightly odd, but letting DH play with my hair wouldn't. Besides, I used to love it when someone would gently comb my hair.

I think I would find that suggestion less strange if your DH is no longer able to speak or communicate on his own. If he can communicate and is mentally unaffected by his illness, it seems like a slightly strange thing to suggest on his behalf. Otherwise, maybe it makes more sense for her to think back to things he enjoyed as a baby.

I mean at least she didn’t suggest him running his fingers through her hair…

My husband is also very ill. I'll do anything to make him better/happier. Try it.

It wouldn't make me uncomfortable no, it's not like she was suggesting anything sexual or inappropriate.

Im chronically ill myself and I have to say, if my parent started telling dh to do things I left in childhood for comfort, id be a bit 😬

Scalp massages can be very relaxing, I love my hair being played with but it’s something I’ve done my whole adult life.

It can be hard being a carer for someone you have an adult equal relationship with, it very easily slips into a the carer feeling like a mother to their spouse and sometimes the ill person feels like a child. It’s ok to feel odd about it and to not want to do it, I imagine you’re already do a lot extra due to his health, having your hair played with to give him emotional comfort may just feel like an extra responsibility rather than the relaxing head massage experience some like.

Not at all for reasons others have given. It's really common for babies to like playing with hair and it's not sexual, it's just a game to them or something interesting.

Also if your DH has dementia or any similar condition, it is not a bad suggestion at all as for some people there can be an element of craving childhood security so things that gave them comfort in childhood can bring comfort as the condition progresses.

Something to bear in mind though is that these kind of questions are always answered from a place of projection that relates to their own experience. for example a woman who has always felt her MIL has a creepy relationship with their DH will project that on to your question and say it would make them uncomfortable. Wouldn't bother me at all.

Thanks to everyone for the responses- it has given me some perspective.

I didn't say anything to her about it because I didn't want to create stress and conflict for no reason- these comments have confirmed I was overthinking it and letting it pass was the right move.

I think as another comment above suggested I think my discomfort stems from my MIL overstepping boundaries in other areas, so I then projected that onto something that was-in this instance- not something to worry about.

Sounds weird but let it go.