To be horrified how nasty some Mumsnetters are?

[BobbySox71]

Today I commented on a nice feel good thread. It was basically the OP looking for a nice dress for her blind cancer survivor teen to an event where a senior royal will be in attendance.
Out come some anti royal comments on this thread which I was genuinely disgusted at.
Yea everyone is entitled to their opinions and I respect that, BUT respect is a 2 way street.

They were really nasty to post on what was otherwise a nice threat and totally inappropriate is an understatement

Were the comments aimed at the OP, or at the royals?

Mumsnetters are just people.

There's no entrance exam, no vetting, no selection criteria.

You will get a spread of humanity here as anywhere else.

There are talk guidelines though and you can report posts you feel have overstepped.

Yes I find mumsnet worse than other websites that I use.

People come on here, hide behind a screen and say ridiculous things they would never dare in real life.

It’s become really horrible on here recently. I find it quite pathetic being horrible on an anon forum.

They may not be mums, they may be bots or horrible troublemakers from anywhere on the planet trying to upset people for kicks.

Some people are nasty.

Some people on the Internet are more nasty than they are in rl because it is anonymous.

This is not a mumsnet issue. It is an Internet issue.

If you think people on mumsnet should be nicer than people elsewhere on the Internet that's where you're going wrong.

Normally when people complain how nasty mumsnet is, its because they think women have a duty to be nice and kind and sweet and gentle, mothers even more so

Thats simply not the case and its best to adjust your expectations.

I read that thread (although I only read the OP's post). Such a shame it was derailed like that.

I hope she found a lovely dress for her DD.

There is a variation of this thread at least weekly, and has been for years.

It is how it is op, not much will change.

For a few people, MN is their hobby to pull apart other people and be mean.

Thankfully there are kind people too

It's the issue with people hiding behind screens unfortunately. I'm anti royal family but I wouldn't have posted those views on that thread at all, everyone is entitled to an opinion but personally I think you should be mindful of the thread you are on & check if your opinion is relevant/warranted/appropriate for the thread in question.

She found a lovely teal dress from Boden and very appropriate.
i feel sad these comments came out as it was a lovely thread and most people were kind

This in spades. I posted years back about dating as a single parent. The posters were like vipers with me. I wouldn't be surprised if some vulnerable posters do themselves harm because of comments here. Im sure its everywhere but I used to think mumsnet was a safe space.

Yes I agree. You need to be quite brave, knowing what some people are like.

.I tend to have questions I'd like help on to do with work but I know the typical response that someone will come back with is " you're paid to manage your staff so manage them!" You have to brace yourself for some posters being utterly helpless. It's not giving any help whatsoever. Luckily I've not had to deal with people being completely unkind but yes, you do see them. I guess in real life some people are shitty to others but you don't expect it when you're seeking help and advice.

It sort of was directed at the OPs daughter, one comment said they don’t know why anyone would pander to them.

The OP was feeling proud especially as her daughter is giving a speech as well

One comment that bothered me on that thread was something like "why isn't your teenager picking her own outfit?!" And OP had to remind them her child is blind. Nasty vibes.

I don't know how to vote, in that I agree that a lot of mumsnetters are incredibly mean and nasty, but I'm not sure I agree about that particular thread as I didn't read it. But yes, overall, there is a lot of meanspirited nonsense on here.

I don’t think everyone necessarily believes women have a duty to be nice and kind and gentle (obviously some people do, but not all).

However IRL the women I know are, for the most part much easier-going and less defensive and patronising and more of a laugh than the men, particularly as we all get older. That’s why I seek out majority female forums in a pretty aggressive internet landscape - not because I think women should be nicer, but in my personal experience they’re better company!

I think MN is a good deal nastier than it was 15 years ago when I joined, but then so is the world <sob>. And there are many more people on here, many of whom have been led here by rage bait SM advertising.

It was simple advice looking for a dress for her DD as she can’t choose it herself. The comments were nothing to do with a dress

Yeah.

Which tells you there are some really awful people on here!

There is a culture of it, even pride at being ‘plain speaking’’ . Which is used as cover for being cruel and vicious. People who started threads like OPs used to be told to fuck off to Netmums. Not sure if they still are..

You have to learn to zone out the arses and concentrate on the decent posters.

I would rather put up with the odd bit of argy bargy and challenge than mumsnetters being silenced by #bekind crap. If they breach guidelines then report.

I was reading and enjoying a recent thread about the birth of kittens. The poster showed photos of the lovely little things and was clearly a responsible owner. What followed was shocking… absolutely hateful comments. Clearly not bothering to read what the Op said about already having homes for the kittens they launched into a tirade of abuse. Page after page of nastiness. It was horrible.

Is it actually nasty, or is it just more frank than “#BeKind”?

I think it’s probably fairly indicative of what people really think but feel they can’t say publicly.

I ignore the nasty posters. I don’t reply if they quote me being horrible - they’re not worth my time and if they can’t be civil I won’t give them oxygen. There was a thread this morning about a poster turning 60 asking if a meal was classed as a birthday present and some of the replies were disgusting. Apparently people over a certain age should be grateful for a card on here. Madness.

I agree. So many people who don't know the difference (or pretend not to...) between being frank, direct etc and being downright nasty and insulting.

Frank is: I disagree. I think you're over-reacting and need to re-assess things calmly. Do you think you might have been partly to blame?

Rude and nasty is: You sound ridiculous. Stop being such a bloody drama queen. No wonder your friends have ditched you.

But you'll get the apologists who claim that's what AIBU is for.