People who sometimes try to engage with you and sometimes blank you

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For years now one of the other parents in a group my child attends has either been as nice as pie or completely blanks you and treats you like you are crap on the bottom of her shoe. You can walk past her and she will look the other way, then if she wants something will message to ask. For the last year or so I have distanced myself completely. I don’t like being around people who are not consistent in the way they are around me. It gives me anxiety. The only thing is I feel really bad doing it as it isn’t me, but I feel enough is enough. I have completely blanked a couple of messages this weekend and just left them on unread, but feel I’m unreasonable. If it was just her I could half handle it, but her child is behaving in exactly the same manner to my child and has done for quite a few months. Am I unreasonable to just not respond? I would just block and be done with her but our sons will be in the same extra curricular activity possibly for the next few years.

Fair weather friends....
Only get in touch or speak when they want something....
Definitely not being unreasonable!

Thank you, it feels it though. You know when you reach a point of just feeling like enough is enough and it’s not acceptable for someone to behave that way towards you. It doesn’t sit right and like I have lowered myself to their level but how many times can you be treated like it without having enough…!

those types of people are not worth your time
or headspace. Block them!

I always wonder, with threads like this, whether the other person isn't simply completely oblivious? Maybe she's just, you know, looking the other way? Or in her own little bubble of thoughts, since you're at a child's group rather than a social event? I find adults who behave like children exhausting. If you want to reply to her messages, do it; if you don't, don't. I cannot imagine spending a year's worth of mental energy on something like this.

I have a friend with face-blindness who sometimes does this because she is just terrible at recognising faces. She feels really bad about it.

I also have a colleague who does it sometimes because she's in a world of her own (I suspect I do the same thing occasionally). It need not be malign.

Hard agree.

One of my favourite of my DD's friends' mums is a woman with whom my text conversations usually go something like this:

Me (or her): 'Would DD like a playdate on Saturday in two weeks' time?'
[long radio silence]
Friday, 10.30pm, Her (or me): 'Shit, it's Saturday tomorrow, you still up for that playdate?'

It's very relaxing dealing with people who are not always looking for reasons to take offence.

I cannot imagine her being offended if I blanked her at Cubs pick up or Swimming Lessons or whatever. It's not like you're at a dinner party and she's sitting in the corner pretending you're not there.

Maybe she just sees you as someone to 'work' with at times to benefit your children, rather than a friend. She's probably got nothing against you but doesn't fancy always attaching herself to you to talk for the sake of talking and having someone to sit with, and some people think that if you say hello and smile it means you'll do the attaching thing, which can just get awkward.

Maybe sometimes, her thoughts are elsewhere. It’s not always about you.

This. I'm like this. I don't mean anyone any harm. It simply isn't about you, OP. Other people have other stuff going on that makes they can't be 100% consistent especially with people they don't even know very well.

Yep there’s a few in the village we live in.
rudeness is not needed by anyone.

I think some PP are bending over backwards to be kind... the woman sounds like a user to me.

I know a mum like this. Our kids have gone to various local clubs ( beavers, cubs then scouts) , athletics, holiday clubs you name it. We aren’t at same school or in class, so to be fair, contact isn’t always consistent.

i think she has actively introduced herself to me about 3 or 4 times over the years with evidently zero memory of having met me. This is someone I’ve sat and had a coffee with for 40 minutes, but a few weeks later has walked past me and looked through me.

i genuinely think she has no recollection to the point where i think she must have face blindness or something. I don’t hold it against her, but I can’t help but find it irritating- mainly because it can feel quite insulting being ignored!

I always think in these situations that people are making it about them when it's not at all.
I run a playgroup and take my child, sometimes I'm chatty with other mums, sometimes I've got half an eye on my child whilst I'm trying to get to the door to let someone in, I've got a tea and coffee order for 8 in my head, a handful of dirty wipes I'm taking to the bin, I need to sort the craft activity out and I'm thinking about that fact that I need to renew our insurance at the end of the week. I forget people's names as well - along with a full time job my brain just can't deal with anymore information! I don't sleep well (like many parents) and most days it's just survival though people from outside think I have it all together. I'm just overwhelmed and getting by.
Thankfully the other mums get it and know it's not personal that I can't chat much this week. You've got no idea what people have going on.