To think we need a cleaner?

[limejuices]

DP and I rent a two bed flat together. Have some savings but not enough for a house deposit.

I work another average of 9am-9pm most days. Sometimes longer. DP works 9am-7pm most days.

He “doesn’t notice” the dirt. I value cleanliness and tidiness. I would say I do about 70% of the cleaning, maybe 80%. I do most of the laundry. He helps when told or when he realises he has no socks left, rather than being proactive.

In the mornings he is out of the house by 7am so he can exercise. I’m often too tired to go as well.

This means we sometimes go days without doing the dishes. Or the bathroom gets dusty and gross until I clean it. AIBU to think we need a cleaner?

Even if just to keep us accountable for a tidy flat.

If youre working 60 hours a week and can afford it i wouldn't think its unreasonable to have a cleaner to come in once a week to do a big clean, then you can keep on top of it throughout the week.

We could probably afford it, but it feels like a “waste”. Especially coming from a working class background.

It doesn’t seem like a waste to me. My guess is that it would improve your quality of life, quite a bit.

You work another 9am-9pm

Your partner works 9am-7pm

You do 70 - 80% of the cleaning and the laundry
He 'helps' when asked.

Can you see what's going wrong here? He's a lazy arsehole.

Get a dishwasher.
Share the chores 50/50.
Twice a week he can do a vigorous hour of cleaning instead of going to the gym.

How much better would things be?

Get a cleaner. Do it. You will be happier, you will be providing employment, everyone wins.

You need a new partner.

Get a cleaner. Best thing we have ever done, and my cleaners have all been women working for themselves who value their ability to pick their own hours and clients, so no guilt there at all

why are you doing his cleaning?

I’m a big fan of outsourcing cleaning. It’s important however to notice that he has already successfully outsourced his to you without a second thought while you are hesitating about getting someone else to do it.

Id really encourage you to give that a bit of thought, then ditch him and get a cleaner. What are you going to do with all the hours of time you are going to free up for yourself.

make sure you do something you really enjoy and/or that really benefits you.

Yeah just get one it will save a lot of aggro and resentment.

If he won't pull his weight then let him pay for the cleaner.

Yes, this is an idea to get him to accept responsibility

You can’t solve the problem of your partner being a lazy disrespectful arsehole who is happy for you to carry the burden of domestic work, by getting a cleaner.

That’s just hiding the bigger problem.

Do not have kids with this man. The resentment will grow to unmanageable levels. What will your solution be then? Hire three Nannie’s to cover 24 hour care to compensate for him being a lazy arsehole?

why are you planning to spend your life with a man who treats you like this?

This.

And read Gottman’s seven principle of a successful marriage. It’s excellent for helping you to spot if your relationship has the traits of a successful one, or one that will crash and burn.

Get a cleaner. It's not that deep

HE should be paying for a cleaner as he doesn’t do any unless forced! Stop doing his washing etc too! He’s a grown adult and manages to work clearly isn’t stupid so he can do basic things like cleaning and washing!

Get a cleaner, but recognise that is kicking the can down the road as basically you've got a lazy DP . Try Team TOM as that might help with him 'knowing' what to do as basically it's tackle one room a day, only for 30 minutes with a bit of basic stuff as well.

Have you got too much stuff though? And would benefit from stream lining your possessions.

Sort it now, and don't be like me many decades and DC down the line with a DP who has no clue (helplessness) and requires praise if they run the hoover round.

Days without doing the dishes? That's gross whatever you decide to do. When you say you both work most days do you mean 7 days a week? So you both have jobs that require you to have no days off? There's two of you and you haven't said you have kids. You work long hours so either do a rota ( and if he refuses think long and hard about if he is the particular prince among men that you want) or get a cleaner but don't live in a bio hazard 😬