To ask, if you have more than one child …

[thepartyistoday]

How much time do you spend as a family (you, partner - if you have one - and children.)

I guess I’m asking as to be honest when we’re all together it’s not massively enjoyable and very stressful, works better when DH takes one child and I take the other but means one of us misses being with the other child too.

I guess there’s no perfect answer.

I have 3, all bron within 4 years, so close in age.
We spend most of our time together and enjoy it.
Do you have a big age gap?

Not huge but probably quite big in the sense of them being at different stages if that makes sense? Three years. So when they are right and five it won’t seem that big but at five and two it is?

Ours are both very little still but we spend the majority of our time together, especially on weekends.

We’ve got two aged 7 and 18 months so a pretty big gap. We manage to find things that work for all of us together (tends to be outdoor things like parks, woodland walks, zoo, farms but also swimming is a good family activity) and then we divide up if the 7 year old wants to do something that doesn’t suit her brother. At home, we do often play with them separately but in close proximity so it feels like we’re all still together. What sort of things do you do with your two?

Most of the time we are all together, I have noticed in some families of 2 dc if a boy & girl the family seems to split up more to do separate things. I have 3 siblings but also did things mostly together.

We have exactly same same age kids, 5 and 2, and to be honest we don’t find it that much of an issue to spend time together as a family. We do things together every weekend, either as a family or with friends with kids too, the only time we don’t is if one is invited to a party or one is ill. What are you taking them to? We usually pick days out that appeal to everyone like wildlife parks, adventure parks, role play cafes, swimming, play parks, woodland walks.

@DoloresOnTheDottedLine probably not that dissimilar really. It’s been hard lately as the weather has been so bad though. Walks, farms, swimming. This morning I took dd to a little role play cafe while ds did a Lego club though. Ds also loved riding his bike which dd can’t do.

I have 4 and 1 yos. And most of our time is spent together. We take them both to role play places and soft play. DS4 rides his bike and DS1 is in the pushchair then we go to the park. We don't really ever separate them tbh

This honestly isn’t meant contentiously but do either of you work?

Why are you asking?

3 kids and have always spent most of the weekends/holidays etc together as a family. It’s a bit different now the older ones have sports fixtures, but Sunday is always a day for us to do something all together.

We have three 13, 11 and 3. The older two are close in age obviously but very different personalities. On the average weekend we don't do that much all of us together but we do have a proper family meal all together every evening (non-negotiable). We do a lot of things with two at a time in various configurations.

I was asking because the poster said ‘most of our time is spent together’ and ‘we don’t even really separate them’ so it read a bit like the whole family was together 24/7.

Yeah I absolutely feel the same. Keep telling myself it’s the stage (3 and almost 5 months) but “family time” is just stressful right now. Full of tantrums and competing needs. As you say, it works better when one takes one child and the other has the other, but then it makes me feel guilty. The toddler demands the full attention of all of the adults in her presence ALL OF THE TIME or she acts up. I could manage that before the baby arrived but now I can be too busy with the baby, which only makes her more jealous and act up more. It’s just survival to be honest but we aren’t at the “nice family time” stage. I’m hoping it will change given the closeness in age, but right now the divide and conquer strategy works best for the best time all round.

You’ve made me feel a lot better @Groundhogday2025 ! It’s slowly getting easier but honestly it’s just so much nicer when I only have one.

We have 2 dcs aged 3 and 7. We are at home together as a family of 4 on weekday mornings and evenings, and almost all weekends. We sometimes split in pairs, one adult with one child, but always within the same place (eg different parts of a museum or playground, different theme park rides). But we travel there, eat together and spend some play time together. For us it's important to have that shared time and have memories of family trips out, and for the dcs to bond as they don't see each other in the school day. Plus I like to spend some weekend time with DH as everything is rushed during the week, we would barely see each other if we took one child each and went to different places.

I have two a boy of 27 and a girl of 19.

When they were younger, we used to do loads together as a family. Sometimes we had to get creative about meeting both of their needs but it generally worked well. My exh and I separated when the youngest was 6 so we had to do everything together after that but I also made sure I did things with them separately too.

But I'd have done that regardless of sex/ages.

We have 3. They are adults now.
Eldest is about 5.5 years older than youngest.

This is something that varies over the years. Obviously it is really nice for them to have some 1:1 time with each of their parents at different times. It is also nice for them to be able to do age appropriate things or things with their friends without siblings hanging around sometimes. But also, at there are times when they will be together.

Sometimes with one parent and all dc, and sometimes with the other.
Other than holidays, it was fairly rare all 5 of us just hung around together.

We both worked outside the home, and both had our own things going on in our own lives too, as well of course as the mundane stuff everyone does (cooking, cleaning, gardening, shopping, laundry, paperwork, etc), so the idea that both of us having lots of time to just hang together didn't really feature much.

@thepartyistodayI also have a 5 year old and 2 year old (both boys) and yes I totally see what you are saying, being altogether can be bloody hard work to be honest. The boys can/do play together but for short snippets of time and both have to be in the right mood. Often it's a bit of a disaster really! I'm hoping it will get easier as the youngest becomes more verbal (he's a bit speech delayed) and when he's age 3+ perhaps (fingers crossed!) We do divide and conquer a lot at weekends and usually spend weekend mornings separate but try to come together in the afternoons.

Most of the time we're together at the weekend unless one has a party the other can't attend. We're not yet in the stage with weekend hobbies that need parents to divide and conquer to enable. Kids are 5 and almost 3.

Thanks @Catchafallingstar321 , that reassures me. They have started to play together sometimes but they are quite different personalities and it’s hard managing them together.

We have two 8yr olds. We usually always spend every weekend day together, all four of us. Occasionally we split up to give them one on one time. They are better behaved separated, but we find the family time more valuable.

We have two 8yr olds. We usually always spend every weekend day together, all four of us. Occasionally we split up to give them one on one time. They are better behaved separated, but we find the family time more valuable.

We spent the weekends together. On a Saturday my DH went to the gym early then came back and collected the kids to take them swimming. Then the afternoon there was usually a match in so we hung around the house. Sunday my parents came for roast dinner or if not in the country (they were here six months out of 12) we would often go out for a drive and end up at a country pub and the kids could run around the beer garden or play area. My DH travelled a lot and worked long hours so weekends were definitely family time.

Two DS, 3 1/2 years between them. Now 9 and nearly 13. Definitely gets better as they get older. A two year old (with naps, needing a buggy for long distances, nappy changes, can’t easily sit for long in a cafe, etc) is tough. Once you get to, say, 4 and 7, it gets much easier. They can mostly do the same things and start being company for each other, especially on holiday when there are no other options!

That said, we’ve always done a mix of family outings and divide and conquer with one adult and one DC each (making sure it’s not always DS1 with dad and DS2 with mum, but swapping.). Eg the younger one will still enjoy playgrounds when the older one has outgrown them; the older one wants to see a movie that’s too scary for the younger one. That also gets easier when they start going on play dates and to parties independently, so you can save the things that are only appropriate for one while the other of off doing something else.

I actually think it’s a great age gap.