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Original poster

Pensions

34 replies

Sliverofdarkness · 07/02/2026 00:06

I've started thinking about my pension seriously and am really worried. My husband has always been against paying into a pension and being a SAHM for quite a few years I wasn't able to pay into a pension. My pension is tiny but we've paid off most of our mortgage. Now I'm mid 40s and worried i can never retire and I hate my job. Is it hopeless trying to build up a pension now? I reckon I have 20 years but maybe that's not enough. I'll have to do it secretly as husband is so against them, he's seen people lose loads of money on them. What do I do?

OP posts:
Nourishinghandcream · 07/02/2026 00:15

Never too late to start and as you say, your 40's gives you 20yrs to save.
If he won't have a sensible, adult conversation about it then yes, arrange it yourself.
I would never say it wasn't a possibility that a major financial crash could affect you pension but that is rather an extreme event and having lived through a couple, my pension bounced back with a vengeance. The vast majority of people save healthy pension pots and the longer you have the better. Don't forget you get tax relief as well so that is an added incentive.

Nourishinghandcream · 07/02/2026 00:17

Just noticed you are now working, do you have a company pension and if so, can you increase your contributions?
Even if you do there is no reason not to set up a private one as well.

edwinbear · 07/02/2026 00:30
  1. He hasn’t seen ‘people lose loads of money on them’. That’s just bullshit. They go up and down over the 40 odd years people pay into them, but for the vast, vast majority of people, by the time they retire, they’ve grown enormously.
  2. If he mistrusts them so much, presumably he doesn’t have one either. So what exactly does he expect to live on once you’ve both stopped work?
  3. Yes, you should absolutely start paying as much as you can into one.
edwinbear · 07/02/2026 00:35

Oh and 4) if your employer offers salary sacrifice for pension contributions, it’s even more important to utilise that benefit as much as you possibly can before Rachel Reeves ruins it for everyone in 2029.

5foot5 · 07/02/2026 00:36

I'll have to do it secretly as husband is so against them

Fuck that! This is your decision and there is no reason why you should have to keep it secret. You could build up a decent enough amount in 20 years.

What are your DH's plans for old age? Does he think you will be able to live adequately on state pension? Or does he has some macho idea that he will never need to retire? Or maybe, when the time comes, he will be expecting you to supplement his lifestyle with the pension funds you have saved.

BangFlash · 07/02/2026 00:37

Definitely pay onto a pension. If your work offer one that might be the best route, your money will be taken before tax and NI and often your employer puts money in too.

If they don't you can get a SIPP. Ask on the money board for recommendations for a low cost one.

Does dh have a pension? It bothers me that you have been a SAHM whilst allowing him to build a retirement pot but you don't feel any of that money should be for your retirement. If you divorced you'd get half, it is as much yours as his.

HoskinsChoice · 07/02/2026 07:03

Seriously, read back what you have written.

You don't have to do it secretly. You pay into your pension because you're a grown up and he's not your keeper.

If you are at a point where you have to pay into a pension secretly, you need a new husband as well as a pension.

orangewasp · 07/02/2026 07:20

He sounds domineering - what gives him the right to lay down the law and make ridiculous decisions.
Of course it's not too late for you to pay into a pension, make additional payments if you already have one.

Ginmonkeyagain · 07/02/2026 07:29

I mean fuck that guy, it's your money and your workplace benefit, if you make use of it that it is none of his business. How does he even know you pay in to a pension given your payments will come off your wages before tax.

Has he got any retirement plans? He is going to feel like a right twat when he only gets the state pension and you've got a private pension as well.

firstofallimadelight · 07/02/2026 07:33

I had a small private pension in my twenties as I was self employed. In my thirties I was mostly a sahp and didn’t have a pension. I then got a part time job in my forties where I paid £20 a month into a pension. A couple years ago I saw dhs wage slip and realised he paid more in to his pension than I earned every month. Whilst I know he’s doing it for our future I realised I was financially vulnerable if he died young or we split. I immediately changed this I took out a AVC on my pension which I paid £200 a month into, anytime I get any overtime or a pay increase it goes on my pension. It’s not huge but currently I’m set for around 15k per year plus state pension. Which I think I could live off if I end up alone. I will continue to increase it though.

Zanatdy · 07/02/2026 07:36

What are his plans for your retirement then? I have a great pension, no mortgage paid off yet but i’d far rather my retirement be sorted and able to enjoy it after years of working hard.

thereare4lights · 07/02/2026 07:39

He's an idiot. .My work pay £7k a year into my pension, I pay 6k. even if it halved in value (highly unlikely) I'd still be up. Does he throw away free money from his employer by not contributing? Do you? If you haven't joined your employers scheme, do it now.

JaneGrint · 07/02/2026 07:40

I agree with pp, you should be paying into a pension if you can. You won’t build up as big a pension pot as if you’d started 20 years ago, but you’ll be in a better position than you are now.

Also, what does your DH picture happening when you both reach retirement age? What does he think you’re both going to be living on when you’re too old to work if neither of you have a pension?
Does he think that the state pension will be enough to meet all needs? Or does he think you’ll both be able to continue working indefinitely?

Hepherlous · 07/02/2026 07:45

Find a compounding interest calculator on line OP. You will feel much more optimistic when you see how relatively small contributions compound over time. And ignore your husband.

Gah81 · 07/02/2026 07:50

Your husband doesn't know what he is talking about as regards pensions - or that is an excuse for not supporting you with contributions while you were a SAHM. Not too late to start a pension, still 20 years of contributions ahead of you.

Do it secretly or not - whatever works better for you, but do get saving so you're not reliant on this fool.

CactusSwoonedEnding · 07/02/2026 07:57

Yes it's never too late to start but your husband sounds like he's financially controlling you to the point of abusiveness. Are you sure you want to stay with him? He has been trying to crpple you financially and force you to feel helpless without him but the law will be on your side if you choose independence. You will be fully entitled to half the equity of the house and half the value of his pension as well as half of any other assets that have been built up during your marriage (even if held in his name only) - would that be enough to build a independent life for yourself? If something so clearly sensible as saving for a pension is something you would have to keep secret, that is a red flag that he is a nasty piece of work.

I started a personal pension at about age 40 putting in 20% of my earnings and after 10+ years it has grown well and while it won't be a super dooper income it will hopefully be enough so long as the state pension doesn't get completely obliterated before I retire.

HarryVanderspeigle · 07/02/2026 07:57

Just ask your work pension to make additional voluntary contributions. It comes straight out of pay, not your bank account. You can build it up over time too, so if you get a pay rise, put the percentage directly into a pension. I make contributions to top us to what a full time pension would be as I only work 4 days a week. The quicker you start, the better, as it will have longer to grow.

Bunnycat101 · 07/02/2026 08:00

A pension is basically just a tax wrapper. You could have a pension with only cash in it or property. If he hasn’t been saving for retirement because he doesn’t understand pension and would be angry at you for doing so then he’s being an idiot. You really need to understand what provision you both have for retirement and have a sensible conversation about how you will manage financially.

loveawineloveacrisp · 07/02/2026 08:01

Your husband is against them? What???

PlumPlumb · 07/02/2026 08:06

What kind of company do you work for? What type of pension scheme do they have?

NotAnotherScarf · 07/02/2026 08:16

Sorry but why did you marry that idiot? Ask him what the fuck he plans to live off when he's old. Does he expect never to give up work? Does he expect to live if savings? Do you have a massive house that will sell, allow you to buy smaller and live off the profit? How is he going to afford a decent care home if he lives to 99? Doesn't he want to leave the kids anything?

Tell him if you were 68 years old now you would receive £25,000 approx state pension between you. Well no you may because of you have been a SAHM.

It's not too late. But bloody talk to him.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 07/02/2026 08:26

Your husband can decide for himself what he wants to do regarding his pension and you must do the same.
I can't stress how important it is not to live on just state pension in our old age ... a miserable existance!

MammaTo · 07/02/2026 08:30

I'll have to do it secretly as husband is so against them

This is so worrying. Has your husband never paid into a pension or did he just not want to pay into one on your behalf when you was a SAHM. What are his plans for retirement? Either way it’s never too late to start paying into one asap.

C152 · 07/02/2026 08:57

Well, your husband was an arse for discouraging you, so I'd be suggesting he deposits a lump sum payment into your pension to cover the years he said not to bother and let you raise your children instead of build a secure financial future. (Obviously, he won't do that - because he's an arse - but I would calmly point out that he was fundamentally wrong and ask why he wanted to ensure you were destitute in your old age. Saving for retirement isn't a new concept.)

After that, yes, start putting money away into your pension. As much as you can afford and, if you can join your company scheme, take advantage of any employer contributions and a salary sacrifice payment method (if available). It's never too late to start. Something is always better than nothing.

uispnaaa928 · 07/02/2026 09:02

Wtf, so is your husband not paying into one either? What on earth is his plan when you both retire? Just live off state pension?

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