To avoid all family gatherings

[GainOfFunctionTories]

Due to all DP family being vocal supporters of Reform?

I can’t cope with another minute spent with any of them. It’s the same every time - the conversation gets quickly back to how great they think Farage is etc etc. we have teenagers and I just don’t want them exposed to these kind of people. I was hoping it might calm down a bit but they all seem very political at the moment.

YANBU - they sound a bit grim, especially if it's all they'll talk about.

What does DP say?

Not much anymore after a few attempts to ask them which of Reforms opinions and policies were going to help them in their lives and with their issues he gave up as apparently ‘it’s not about that’ 🤦 He is the only one who doesn’t have the same opinions and according to them is ‘under the thumb’

No, it’s not about that it’s about racism.
I wouldn’t want to spend time with them either op. YANBU.

You are not unreasonable to want to distance yourself because you find their opinions vile (and boring if that's all they talk about), but not wanting to 'expose' your teens to opions you don't like is silly and dangerous.

It makes me feel very uncomfortable they want to include them in it all like they want to recruit them / brainwash them and I really dislike it

It’s been since all the flags went up everywhere I don’t know if they were feeling lost somehow but it’s given them a real sense of misguided identity.

We have nothing to do with dh's siblings for that reason. They are always protesting outside hotels and being repugnant.

I understand you not liking it (and I wouldn't eitger) but sheltering your kids from unpalatable views is not helpful - they need to think for themselves.

Far anything groups thrive on the idea that they're censored and it gives them traction.

I understand you not liking it (and I wouldn't either) but sheltering your kids from unpalatable views is not helpful - they need to think for themselves.

Far anything groups thrive on the idea that they're censored and it gives them traction.

I do see your point it’s just really such a horrible feeling being around them when it’s talked about. Obviously they are aware of Reform but it feels intimidating when we are with them so if they need to learn about all political parties I’d rather do it in a controlled way in balanced conversations at home.

How old are the teenagers? I might take a slightly different approach with 13/14 year olds than with 18/19 year olds.

But in general I agree with those who say that trying to shield teenagers from these views is not helpful. They will be exposed to them elsewhere and it is better to discuss them at home and to explain calmly why you find them abhorrent.

Have you asked them if you could generally avoid such chats (eg political, religious, etc) during family meetings ups to create a more relaxed atmosphere by sticking to less contentious ones (TV, films, holidays, sport, etc)?

Can you not say like I do when we stray into politics as a family... "Come on we're here to enjoy ourselves, let's not get serious... what did you do for your birthday ma?" And change the subject... perhaps getting firmer and saying " no I don't want to talk about something we all agree on. It's pointless". I know you don't agree but it shuts down the conversation

We’ve tried , if I say it I’m laughed at and if DP says anything he’s told that he’s under the thumb. If we steer the conversation away we get told we are choosing to ignore the seriousness of the situation. I think with the local election coming up in our area it’s making things a lot worse. MIL doesn’t as much just keeps buying a lot of Union Jack stuff eg last time it was mugs previously tea towels etc she sees to be the quietest I’ve tried to have a chat with her but she says she agrees with FIL/BIL etc etc as she has to wait too long at her doctors appts now due to asylum seekers

Initially we tried to take it seriously thinking we could have balanced discussions hence dp asking what were the issues they feel Reform can help them with and they can’t actually articulate anything other than the country is too full. There’s no reasonable conversation to have and also they won’t accept any other topics of conversation it’s just got to the point we fee we need to avoid them and hope it calms down a bit.

I have different political views than my family. We agree not to talk politics

This is what I hoped we could do but when we try to change the subject we get told not to as the situation is at breaking point

Ask them if they saw Nige’s party political broadcast the other day. It showed him out for a dog walk on the coast, he looked at a pill box.
The whole thing seems vague…what exactly are their policies?

I might have one last attempt with them to rudely say ‘do you really have no other conversation topics other than politics?’ a few times
when next there. At least then if I do turn down future invitations I could legitimately say ‘it’s because you are unable to talk about anything other than politics and I’ve already heard it at the last x events. Let me know when you’d like to talk about family, holidays etc anything else and I’ll be there like a shot.’ They may be more willing to offer to switch topics. You are unreasonable not to let them air their views but if it is genuinely constant, what is the point? It’s boring.

Id leave it to DP to handle. As long as your children are mature enough to not lap up what is being said I wouldn’t worry too much. It’s important to ensure that young people grow up as good critical thinkers so asking about policies etc seems like a sensible approach.
If they ask you, I’d just reiterate your views but these people thrive on being marginalised. It gives them an identity.
there’s no way I’d want to listen to all that racist shite. I’d have to say something so I’d end up distancing myself from them I think.

I think i would give them one last chance and be really blunt about it. "Have you really not got any other topics to talk about other than politics or accusing my husband of being under the thumb because we are seriously considering not coming round because of it. Do you really want to distance yourselves from everyone that disagrees with you ...even your own family ? And do you not realise that these views are polarising ? ! I don't wish to argue anymore, just because I don't agree. "
Seriously some of these people are like Jehovahs witnesses on speed pedalling and pushing their views onto others.

Not unreasonable at all. I learned the hard way that trying to have a reasonable discussion with a Reform ‘fan’ is pointless and stressful.

How did you come up with your username @GainOfFunctionTories OP?

I'd avoid them too.
I have very different political views to my brother, I'm left, he's right - not reform right though- he's not a racist, misogynistic cunt thankfully.
We have had ots of heated debates in our time but also both have the decency to drop it if needed.
It can't be a pleasurable experience spending time in that environment, its not like they respect your views so don't do it to yourself.
How old are the dc ?

I have noticed that many of the Union Flags flown by these people are upside-down. It doesn't say much for there patriotism that they don't know the right way to fly the flag that they claim to hold so dear!
(Yes there is a right an wrong way to fly them)!