Partners new job

[TinkyWinkyLaLaPo]

I’ve been with my partner for 16 years , 3 children.
For 8ish years he’s been working in his job, dream job. He’s had his ups and downs in it but he loved it to an extent. The shifts were long , he was out the house for hours and I honestly felt like a single parent.
the days were lonely , the nights were long.
The kids missed their dad, I missed him and just missed us all being together.
he said he will sacrifice his dream job if it meant being st home more with us and be around more and make more memories etc.

After putting his notice in, retracting it, putting it in about 4/5 times he done it. He handed in his notice, he’s gone and started his new job today. It is 10000% different from his old job, and he is miserable. I am happy he’s gone, but I’m unhappy now seeing him so unhappy. He said it’s his first day so it might be cos he just needs to get used to it but I know how much he worked for this job and how much he loved it . I feel guilty but I know he’s doing it for us and to benefit us all.

he’s got a good relationship with his old job and they have said he’s welcome back anytime , seriously just telling him to go back and we will go back to how it was before. I’m used to being unhappy and lonely with him tbere. It also seems like cos he’s the glue that holds us all together if he’s unhappy then everyone else is although he hides it well infront of the kids.

what do I do honestly will this feeling pass 😩😩

You can't tell anything from the first day of a new job, the first month even: Give it a few months then reassess.

I doubt many people come home from their first day in a new job, feeling happy and enthusiastic. More likely, overwhelmed and unsure. Everything is unfamiliar, people are unfamiliar, everything feels odd.

What you have to work out together, is whether this is fear of the unknown and out of his comfort zone, or whether it really isn’t for him.

Personally, I think it takes a few weeks before you feel comfortable in a new job.

I think it’s because it’s a lot different to what he did before. He doesn’t know anybody and he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Where as before he was a supervisor , knew everybody and was comfortable in his job.

he’s said he won’t be happy in that job he already can tell but he’s done it for us 😩😩

I hope this feeling is only temporary

Oh I hated my job on the first day, felt overwhelmed and uncomfortable. Planned to stay a year at most for the sake of my cv. 8 years later I am still there, have a fabulous team and enjoy the work. You both need to give this time, it may or may not be the right job for him, but that is impossible to say after one day. I hope it works out well for you.

Oh come on, you both need to give it a little more than a day! Nobody walks into something completely new and different feeling 100% confident. It takes time to settle, get to know people and figure out what you are doing. These sorts of moves can lead to growth and development on a personal and professional level. It I would advise you (and him) to not go into it with the attitude of hating it. That’s giving up before you have really given it a go. What does he have to lose if he gives it a proper try?

I think he needs to suck it up buttercup and work hard at it. You can shrug and say concentrate on the fact that you love your family and you’re so grateful for how long I’ve supported your passion job?

There aren't only 2 jobs in the world. Unfortunately for family support the previous job didn't work. That's tough for him . He's a grown man and if this one doesn't pan out, he can surely find a third?
Not a huge amount of sympathy for him .It's a grown up world out there and many many many people survive in jobs they don't love.

I think it's good that he has the option to go back to his old job. The jobs I've been most unhappy in I knew very quickly. If he's unhappy no one benefits.

What have you got against Dipsy?

He will be as unhappy and miserable as he decides he’s going to be in the new job - why do you think he’s behaving like
this?! It’s to punish you into making you tell him to go back to his old job! He got to escape doing all the work of a partner - not even married so you have NO security! - and his children probably don’t even view him as a parent either as parenting means taking time and effort to do the mundane things for them as well as the nice stuff

He needs to give it a fair chance and stop blaming the rest of the family.

Did you feel guilty letting you shoulder most of the responsibility at home until now. Hopefully he is now pulling his weight at home. Hanging around like a black cloud isn't on.

I have to go to work, so does Oh and the DC have to go to school. We make the best of it.

Ive worked hard to get to a senior place in my career. Loved my job. Having to give it up to go part time as I wanted to spend more time with my children. For me its an easy choice and Ill get on with the new job that is ok, but not where I saw my career going or as good as previous role. There will be time to get back into it when my kids a grown and dont need me as much.

As far as I see it he is doing this for HIM. Sure its benefits you but from what I gather you did cope. But maybe he should be reminded its a privilege to be working in a job that allows him to spend more time with HIS young children. If he cant see it like that then it's on him.

Countess woman sacrifice roles to work part time / more flexible hours for kids, its nice to see a man doing the same for once, he just needs to learn to take on the same martyr like personality us ladies do 😂

Do you work?
Because if not, he now has to carry the financial burden in a job he dislikes rather than his dream job because you put pressure on him, and he felt he had to choose the family. I think it will just cause simmering resentment and overall you'll all be unhappier.

Maybe it would have been more beneficial to see if he could tweak his hours or drop a day on previous job.