Would this irk you?

[Emmi1995]

…If your partner asked what you wanted for your upcoming birthday and you said a certain puzzle book which is £11 brand new and they bought you a second hand one instead (not filled out) and you also mentioned a nice notebook which is around £20 brand new but they bought you a £7 one instead which is nothing like the one you originally picked out and has the wrong kind of binding (which you did mention when picking out the original notebook) when they have thousands of pounds sitting in the bank? They don’t regularly pay for things or buy you things ‘just because’, only for special occasions and you only usually request one or two things for these special occasions.

Would this irk you?

He's good in lots of ways?
What are they?
Are they worth putting up with the other shit for?

Helps out around the house, looks after me when I’m unwell (which I often am), attends my appointments with me even if it means missing a day of work…

I will never, ever understand this. Not only accepting shittiness from men, but actually paying to treat those selfsame men.

OK. <cracks knuckles>

DH I wanted to talk to you about my birthday presents.

WAIT he may have an answer.

If he says "yeah what?" You say, "when I opened them and saw they weren't what i asked for, I felt a bit sad".

WAIT AGAIN leave hanging silences for him to fill.

If he makes excuses, you can counter them but don't make that the whole conversation.

If he is angry, mean or shitty about it, you know something very important.

And if he is sorry, great. Make him make it right. He can order the right ones.

I’d ask why they bothered to ask what I wanted if they were going to pick something else

Xposted with his lying, stingy, shitty behaviour.

What an arsehole.

This would absolutely kill the relationship for me. Such tightness and stinginess is a truly awful trait.
I would also feel sad at the types of gifts you wanted. Is that really what you wanted op?

Thank you for the responses to start the conversation with him, everyone’s responses have really opened my eyes a little bit!

@Isthateveryonethen I mean they had definitely been on my list for a little while, I just hadn’t got round to buying them for myself yet. Ideally, no they aren’t exciting presents, but I know how tight he is so I don’t feel able to ask for ‘nice’ things and just usually buy the more expensive things I want for myself, hence why I said for him to get me those 2 little things

A little update for anyone who is still here… called him out on it and his excuse was laughable. Apparently he ordered the one from Vinted to make sure it was the right one before he ordered it from Amazon brand new and somehow got mixed up and I ended up with the Vinted one and he didn’t realise until I pointed it out. I mean… make it make sense? It’s been weeks of constant excuses for one thing or another, I’m rather bored of it all now if I’m being completely honest!

Oh, and he had no comments about the notebooks!

It doesn't make sense. And if it doesn't make sense it probably isn't true.

Come on @Emmi1995

He has so little respect for you that, he can't even be bothered to apologise.

You get what you put up with. What a stingy twat. How on earth can you be attracted to this loser? The presents you wanted were already very low cost, and he wanted to save another couple of quid on top of that. Why do you keep treating him when he can't be bothered to do the same for you?

It would make me question the relationship
Big time

@Emmi1995 From your user name I am assuming you are close in age to my daughters. After your updates, I am going to say to you what I would to them.

This stingy, selfish, lying git does not deserve you. Seriously think about what you want from a relationship. Nobody is perfect but do you really want to be dealing with this for years? He will most likely get worse as time goes on.

You called him out & he waffled a ridiculous excuse. No apology or offer to buy the right things.

You meed to have a talk. Tell him how unattractive his attitude is. Can he make an effort or is this it? You are not asking for diamonds & fancy restaurants every week. You are not tellung him to fritter away the savings he hid from you. But he has added to those savings and still had nice treats because of you.

It's easy for others to say just leave him. This is your life & your decision. But if this was a friend telling you about their partner, what would you advise them to do?

‘Helping’ around the house? So the bare minimum. And going with you to appointments? Again, fairly standard.

Come on Op. You deserve better.

I would dump anyone who treated me like this.

I think now you’ve said it, see if he changes his ways.

Aside from all the other valid points made by others already, this would upset me so much.

Stinginess is so unattractive.

Also - WHY ask what I would like if you have zero intention of actually getting the specified items? Why ask me then? If he hadnt asked and just bought some random things that “he thought you would like” I would have more grace for it but WHY ASK me and then buy something different. That would infuriate me.

His cheapskate brain has overridden the ability to respect that you know what you like and want, and that on occasions like birthdays we try to do nice things for the people we are meant to love.

Happy belated Birthday. 💐.

He didn't even have to go to the effort of actually choosing a gift as you gave him a list. And still, he wasted energy on finding a secondhand deal. Stingy bastard! So unattractive in anyone.
Ask for the money next time. Say you'd like x amount next time. I'm angry on your behalf.

It’s fine for people to be stingy, so long as it works for them both. If I really, really enjoyed his company, if my life was genuinely better for having him in it, then I would say ‘ok, let’s just not each other by presents in future’.

And absolutely stick to it. No fuss that costs any money at all.

it’s your choice. I’d be genuinely surprised though if, once you start looking at it dispassionately, you don’t spot this same stinginess in other ways.

All the best.