Who is bu

[ncaibu]

Name change for this one as it might be quite outing. I'll try not to drip feed.

I'll lay out some important points first for context.

'Partner' and I share a baby who just turned one.

We don't live together.

He has issues with alcohol which he has tried getting help with, to no avail.

I have had enough of constantly putting my faith in someone who always lets me down. I feel like my emotions are on a roller coaster of feeling hopeful then radically being pulled down, over and over.

I have made it clear since the new year that I'm not doing this anymore, he cannot change, and I don't want my daughter affected.

Now, the issue:

My daughter turned one last week. For whatever reason, he thought it would be a good idea to invite his friend over for a week who lives on the other side of the country. No idea why he couldn't have chosen a different week, but he promised endlessly that he would not drink the night before our daughters birthday. He also promised to get her a specific present which had been planned for months. The day before her birthday, he still hadn't bought said present. He promised he'd get it that day with his friend. Instead, they ended up in the pub, with him inevitably getting drunk and taking drugs. I told him he absolutely wasn't to come round for our daughters birthday, and I stuck to my word, so he missed out on her first birthday.

He's playing it off that I overreacted over a 'drink with his friend' and ruined my daughter's first birthday for him.
In my view, it's proven to me that he cannot change if he can't stick to his promise on what should be the most important day of the year, and he'll always let her/us down by prioritising alcohol. He didn't even get her present he'd promised.

Was I unreasonable to stop him coming round on her first birthday?

Perhaps his issues only surfaced after OP was pregnant? Either way, it's now irrelevant, the child is 1 and OP is trying to do her best by her.

This sounds like the first time you were reasonable.

I think you should end your romantic relationship and see what sort of dad he is when he isnt coming round to see you.

I think you need to make sure he has supervised scheduled access to her by prearrangement, when hes sober. And no access to you.

Your daughter wont remember this one, but she will remember when he keeps doing this.

YANBU OP. You are simply doing what is right for your daughter.

You didn't ruin her birthday for him. He ruined it for himself.

From a seasoned partner of a drinker with a DC, let me tell you, it won't change. I wish I stuck to my guns many, many years ago.

Words are cheap if they spill from a drinkers mouth. There's always a reason to choose alcohol over everything (and everyone). It's normally some feeble bullshit which holds no accountability.

I commend you for taking action and setting boundaries on behalf of your DD (and yourself).