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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WWYD 12 yr old birthday bash

7 replies

Fieldswillow · 05/02/2026 10:52

A bit lighthearted, I’m certainly not losing sleep over this, but it’s got me thinking. My daughter’s 12th birthday is coming up and she’s doing an activity with six friends, which we organised about three or four weeks ago. For context she has lots of friends wider than the six invited but honed her list to her favourite people.

Since then, one of the girls has completely stopped talking to the group. An old friend of hers has started at the school and she’s pretty much dropped everyone else in favour of focusing on this one girl. It’s now at the point where my daughter doesn’t speak to her anymore they sit in form together and don’t speak. My daughter is a bit sad about it, and tried to reach out to no avail, she has a wide group of friends so she’s coping fine and I’m not concerned.

My question is whether she should still come to the party. I’m not sure the girls mum is even aware of what’s been going on and honestly think she’d be a bit horrified as confided in me she was worried the old friend starting the school would be an issue. I can’t rescind the invitation now, but I also don’t want to create an uncomfortable situation for my daughter on her birthday.

OP posts:
TSnewbie · 05/02/2026 11:09

Did the friend accept the party invite? Can you send a message to all invitees and ask them to confirm they're still coming? This could offer her a way out.
This happens frequently in my daughter's friends group and usually the 'ex-friend' would come up with an excuse as to why she would no longer attend. No need to get upset about it, it is just how it goes. If friend confirms her attendance it may be a signal that she still likes to be part of the group.

Endofyear · 05/02/2026 11:59

It's odd for the friendship to go from close enough to be one of the 6 invitees to not speaking at all in 3 or 4 weeks! What does your daughter think? I think it's would be a good idea to send out a reminder with 'can you let us know if you're still able to come so we can confirm numbers' and see if the friend backs out.

heaven222 · 05/02/2026 12:04

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FuzzyWolf · 05/02/2026 12:07

I’d just message the mum and check her daughter still wanted to attend and stress that she’s very welcome.

JanBlues2026 · 05/02/2026 12:08

I would message the mum and say you are just wanting to confirm if her DD is still wanting to come to the party as you’ve noticed the friendship has cooled off a bit recently and it’s absolutely fine if she has changed her mind about attending but your DD would still love her to come if she would like to.

CuppaTandBicky · 05/02/2026 22:02

Following as in the exact same predicament...with the added complication of the friend who has "left" the group has fallen out with (or "has beef with") one one of the others in the group.

Girls!!!!

ChalkOrCheese · 05/02/2026 22:40

Just ask the mum if you're on good terms and frame it as "wanting to make sure her child is comfortable as the friend groups have changed"

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