Page 2 | Ex kept DS off school on his birthday (ex’s birthday)

SpookySpookyy · 2026-02-05T08:59:00+00:00

It’s ex husband’s birthday today and he’s just text to say he’s kept DS home from school today as he didn’t want to be alone (ffs!) DS is 14 and has very important exams next week to determine his GCSE sets. Also DS’s attendance record since September has been poor (I’m now powerless as to what happens to his schooling as he has chosen to live with his Dad) I’m fuming! I was alone on my birthday and celebrated with my children and family after school as you do! DS is very intelligent but does struggle with Maths and Science. He can’t afford to miss school just because. Ex also gave him days off because it snowed recently even though his school is a 10 minute walk away, He really needed to be in school today. AIBU?? He is off out this evening for a family meal with DS so he would have celebrated with him then. Aaagh!

Original poster

SpookySpookyy · 05/02/2026 11:18

sunshine244 · 05/02/2026 11:07

This sounds really tricky. At 14 his views will be taken into account for court. Did the attendnace issues start after he began staying with his Dad? Make sure you evidence this but also be aware that it could be argued to be related to the steess of seperation, parental disagreements etc.

I would speak to school and ignore your ex. He is likely feeding off your reactions. Look at yellow rock (a court friendly version of grey rock).

Perhaps ask if school have access to any counselling or similar services. Try to make sure you focus on your child not your ex.

Does your other child not go to contact?

Oh thank you. I will look up Yellow Rock. That’s really helpful. There’s no schedule for when I see him unfortunately and if I’m lucky I’ll see him for a few hours every 8-9 days. There’s no agreed contact days, not even one set day unfortunately. Yes the issues did get worse after separation and a lot of school was lost due to an injury which wasn’t DS fault. I’ll contact the school to see if there might be any counselling available. My ex can be possessive about DS and there’s the feeling that he enjoys knowing he has him all to himself now.

OP posts:

Original poster

SpookySpookyy · 05/02/2026 11:20

Netcurtainnelly · 05/02/2026 11:15

He text her to wind her up.

She doesn't see much of her son anyway. My feeling is that if the son finds out she went to the school it will further alienate him.
Let them get on with it and don't rise to the bait because that what it is. Otherwise why text?
Just another way to look at it. Should OP try and have a happy day or end up being stressed out and angry about a situation she doesn't have much control over.

The son doesn't seem to care about his mum much either.
Once they can see she's wound up about this. What next?
Protect your own mental health and all that.

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“The son doesn't seem to care about his mum much either.” 😔

OP posts:

Original poster

SpookySpookyy · 05/02/2026 11:21

Netcurtainnelly · 05/02/2026 11:15

He text her to wind her up.

She doesn't see much of her son anyway. My feeling is that if the son finds out she went to the school it will further alienate him.
Let them get on with it and don't rise to the bait because that what it is. Otherwise why text?
Just another way to look at it. Should OP try and have a happy day or end up being stressed out and angry about a situation she doesn't have much control over.

The son doesn't seem to care about his mum much either.
Once they can see she's wound up about this. What next?
Protect your own mental health and all that.

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You are right though. It would further alienate him if I was to send attendance officers to the door. It would not go down well.

OP posts:

Diamondsareagirlsbestfrien · 05/02/2026 11:22

SpookySpookyy · 05/02/2026 11:18

Oh thank you. I will look up Yellow Rock. That’s really helpful. There’s no schedule for when I see him unfortunately and if I’m lucky I’ll see him for a few hours every 8-9 days. There’s no agreed contact days, not even one set day unfortunately. Yes the issues did get worse after separation and a lot of school was lost due to an injury which wasn’t DS fault. I’ll contact the school to see if there might be any counselling available. My ex can be possessive about DS and there’s the feeling that he enjoys knowing he has him all to himself now.

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How long has this been going on for? A few hours every 9 days? I’d be going livid

Ncforthis2267 · 05/02/2026 11:22

SpookySpookyy · 05/02/2026 10:43

I may be applying for a CAO so this might be something I will bring up with CAFCASS to see what they say. I am concerned.

Yeah you're not going to get anywhere with that. He'll be 15 or nearly 15 by the time you get anywhere near a court. No judge in the land is going to force a 15 year old to live with a parent he doesn't want to live with regardless if he's had a few days off school 🤷‍♂️

Maybe properly look and listen to his reasons for not wanting to live with you, and take steps to change that instead of trying to paint the dad as some kind of bad parent.

Diamondsareagirlsbestfrien · 05/02/2026 11:23

Diamondsareagirlsbestfrien · 05/02/2026 11:22

How long has this been going on for? A few hours every 9 days? I’d be going livid

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Have you tried to speak to court or anything to see DS more? This seems crazy to me.

Netcurtainnelly · 05/02/2026 11:24

SpookySpookyy · 05/02/2026 11:21

You are right though. It would further alienate him if I was to send attendance officers to the door. It would not go down well.

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Exactly. Enjoy your day OP. Your important. Don't rise to the bait.

Netcurtainnelly · 05/02/2026 11:26

Maybe properly look and listen to his reasons for not wanting to live with you, and take steps to change that instead of trying to paint the dad as some kind of bad parent.

That's a rotten reply.
He is a bad parent keeping his son of school for know reason and texting the OP to bait her.

sunshine244 · 05/02/2026 11:29

What's the situation between you and ex? Was it an abusive relationship?

Original poster

SpookySpookyy · 05/02/2026 11:30

sunshine244 · 05/02/2026 11:29

What's the situation between you and ex? Was it an abusive relationship?

It was yes.

OP posts:

Original poster

SpookySpookyy · 05/02/2026 11:32

Diamondsareagirlsbestfrien · 05/02/2026 11:23

Have you tried to speak to court or anything to see DS more? This seems crazy to me.

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I’m awaiting my legal aid certificate.

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ThisJadeBear · 05/02/2026 11:33

Just out of interest @SpookySpookyy was your husband the one who wanted a cooked breakfast on his birthday, a cake, a special banner and then wanted a special lunch? And sulked because he didn’t get everything he wanted in the right order?
Either keeping your DS off school because he didn’t get what he wanted is pathetic.
I don’t have school age kids. My friend’s daughter is who is 14 is never off. She had a really sore throat recently and her mum kept her off and told the school.
Mum’s a nurse. After 48 hours the school rang and said they wanted evidence of antibiotics as proof. Mum said it was viral and gave them a lecture about antibiotic resistance, but the school wouldn’t budge and rang the next day as well. That’s three days missed with full attendance for the test of her time at the school.

sunshine244 · 05/02/2026 11:36

SpookySpookyy · 05/02/2026 11:30

It was yes.

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I would speak to women's aid or other DV services locally then. They might be able to offer counselling or advice for this sort of situation. Unfortunately its really common for abusive men to try and maintain control via their children once the relationship stops.

Massagetime · 05/02/2026 12:04

Do you have any other children with your ex @SpookySpookyy ?

Original poster

SpookySpookyy · 05/02/2026 12:06

ThisJadeBear · 05/02/2026 11:33

Just out of interest @SpookySpookyy was your husband the one who wanted a cooked breakfast on his birthday, a cake, a special banner and then wanted a special lunch? And sulked because he didn’t get everything he wanted in the right order?
Either keeping your DS off school because he didn’t get what he wanted is pathetic.
I don’t have school age kids. My friend’s daughter is who is 14 is never off. She had a really sore throat recently and her mum kept her off and told the school.
Mum’s a nurse. After 48 hours the school rang and said they wanted evidence of antibiotics as proof. Mum said it was viral and gave them a lecture about antibiotic resistance, but the school wouldn’t budge and rang the next day as well. That’s three days missed with full attendance for the test of her time at the school.

Yes, that’s the one! I also created a thread about him behaving horribly on Fathers Day. He did also have a tendency to keep DS off when we were together and I was working, I’d leave at 7am, DS was absolutely fine then I’d have a text at 8.30 saying he was keeping him off. I was always the one who had to attend the meetings up the school to explain the absences.

OP posts:

beAsensible1 · 05/02/2026 12:08

BlackCat14 · 05/02/2026 10:22

It doesn’t matter. Ring them yourself and tell them what’s happening and request the send their attendance officer to the house. Your son can’t afford to spend the day sat playing Roblox when he has exams next week!

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This is not a good idea if she is already low contact with her DS!

beAsensible1 · 05/02/2026 12:13

he is baiting you, don’t bloody fall for it. Just ignore him or say HBD you guys have a good day.

keep all his messages as evidence for court to show he doesn’t have DS best interest at heart! There is no point getting into a back and forth with an abuser. You won’t win and any communication is a win to him.

ignore ignore ignore and build a case for contact with your DS. That is all that matters. If he isn’t with you there is only so much you can do, try and get him doing work with you or he may have to go back to school in the future. Eventually he will ask wtf his dad was thinking fucking up his education for an adults birthday.

Netcurtainnelly · 05/02/2026 12:14

SpookySpookyy · 05/02/2026 12:06

Yes, that’s the one! I also created a thread about him behaving horribly on Fathers Day. He did also have a tendency to keep DS off when we were together and I was working, I’d leave at 7am, DS was absolutely fine then I’d have a text at 8.30 saying he was keeping him off. I was always the one who had to attend the meetings up the school to explain the absences.

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Lousy father. Let them get on with it. Neither seem to care about you much.

In fact he shouldn't be texting just to tell you things like this. You don't need to see or read this crap.

Gahr · 05/02/2026 12:45

If OP is the person I remember, I think the issue is that her son really does genuinely prefer his father, and there is nothing to be done about that. It would be one thing if the father was abusing his son, but he isn't. I'm not saying he's a great guy, but at 14 there is vanishingly little OP can do. You can lead a horse to water......

Massagetime · 05/02/2026 13:43

Gahr · 05/02/2026 12:45

If OP is the person I remember, I think the issue is that her son really does genuinely prefer his father, and there is nothing to be done about that. It would be one thing if the father was abusing his son, but he isn't. I'm not saying he's a great guy, but at 14 there is vanishingly little OP can do. You can lead a horse to water......

@Gahr is it the Op who been desperate for her son to stay the night at hers but he point blank refuses?

Gahr · 05/02/2026 13:49

Massagetime · 05/02/2026 13:43

@Gahr is it the Op who been desperate for her son to stay the night at hers but he point blank refuses?

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I believe so, yes. While her ex is not a pleasant character, I don't think he meets the threshold of being called neglectful or abusive, at least not to his son. He seemed more incredibly immature.

MajorProcrastination · 05/02/2026 14:10

This was absolutely outrageous of your ex. What a total baby. Grow up.
I'd be tempted to tell the school. Especially as your son's living with his Dad.

Original poster

SpookySpookyy · 06/02/2026 15:21

New level of fume activated…just checked the school app and DS is off today too!

OP posts:

Netcurtainnelly · 06/02/2026 16:23

SpookySpookyy · 06/02/2026 15:21

New level of fume activated…just checked the school app and DS is off today too!

Thought you said you were going to think of your own mental health and let them get it on with it.
You shouldn't be reading everything your ex sends you by text either. He's looking for trouble.