Cutting contact with sister

[Annoymous1203]

Am I being unreasonable to cut contact with my older sister

My older sister is 10 years older than me. We've never had a great relationship and for part of my childhood she wasn't part of it due to my parents cutting contact due to her behaviour, she then had children and we have contact again.

She has done some truly terrible things to my parents, faking pregnancy, stealing money, send people to their house looking for money I could on and on.

She has 2 children who are now teenagers, I love and care for them dearly and they don't have an easy childhood.

I also have one DS who is 4.

We rarely speak, if she wants to know something she will ask my Mum to ask me. She never rings or asks to see my DS but will play auntie of the year when she does see him and posts pictures of him on her social media which I continuous ask her no to do.

My parents are involved in my DS life and now are both retired enjoy collecting him from school 2 days a week so they can spend some quality time. There is no expectation for them to that but they love spending time with him. My mum is also an angel and if DS is unwell then she's often offers to have him so we can go to work.

My sister hates this and regularly rings me up shouting that I'm a crap mother, and it's not our parents job to raise my son. Which isn't true and they don't. They ask if have him. My parents know that she does this but tell me to ignore and don't play her games.

All came to a head the other day when she called me and again started shouting at me as my lovely mum has agreed to have DS overnight so me and my husband can go away for a night (first night away in 4 years!). She told me that she is sick of my walking round like 'im it' No one in the family likes me, I'm a horrible person etc.

This obviously really upset me as I just didn't feel it's necessary, my DH has told me to cut contact. Block her number and don't engage with her anymore. AIBU to do this?

There are some strange dynamics going on there. Why was she outcast from your family at a young age? Was it young? None of what you are writing sounds normal. What was she rebelling against when she was younger? You have a story of great, loving parents who are endlessly supportive of you, does she?

Why do you have supportive loving parents and she does not? I can see why shes angry, she’s been made the black sheep and gets no support while your family swoon over you. It should be equal. I would be talking to your parents and seeing what you can do to help rather than burying your head in the sand and making the situation worse.

How is any of this the OP's responsibility? At best, DSis is taking a difficult parental relationship out on her sister. At worst she's just a vile cow. If the alternative to cutting contact is constantly being berated by Nasty Knickers, I say cut contact.

I was only 8 when I wasn't allowed to see her anymore. This was my parents decision as I was a child and she was 18. I've never been fully told the reasons why, I believe it to be drugs related and her bringing them into our family home.
My parents made it so she couldn't see me or my other siblings but didn't stop helping her themselves. I believe they put her into a flat and did everything they could do support her including expensive private rehab.
I think the decision for us as siblings not to see her was to protect us as children from drugs.

Because she was a massive pain in the arse?

Whatever the reason, it’s not OP’s fault. The sister should take up any perceived unfair treatment with her parents, not call OP and rant like a jealous kid.

OP, I’ve cut contact with both of my sisters, and I’m low contact with my brother. Sad, but necessary. It’s not an easy route to choose and there is grief involved, but it’s so much better in the long run.

None of this is your fault. I would probably never speak to her again. A relationship has to work both ways.

“All came to a head the other day when she called me”

So, knowing what she’s like, why did you answer the phone? You say you “rarely speak” and your sister “never rings”, but then you say she “regularly rings me up shouting that I'm a crap mother” - so which is it? I wouldn’t block contact with your DS, particularly if that would upset your DM, but I would go LC. You don’t have to answer your phone, and if she has a go at you about your parents’ involvement with your DS, you don’t have to engage with her. You need to adopt a bit of grey rock by way of response to her.

Do what you like but I’d be wondering in your shoes how she even knows when your parents are looking after your son. Given you don’t like family posting his picture on social
media and she doesn’t live with them.

Is it in the least bit possible you have a narcissistic parent who is playing out the whole Golden Child/Scapegoat playbook and using you and your child as a weapon to make the sister feel like crap. And if so, should you be enabling this and making yourself part of the problem?

Just cut contact with her. By the sounds of it she brings absolutely zero positives but a whole load of negatives to your life. What's the point having any sort of relationship?

Absolutely not, what a bizarre thing to say. She knows my parents look after my school as they also collect her children from school and take them home to her.

Block her No, block her on any social media
Not sure how she gets photos of your DS?

Ask your parents not to discuss you, your family or your life with her.

You have a great imagination! 😂

She sounds like a psychopath. Do what you can to protect your son. Some people are just bad eggs. It’s not about the parenting. It certainly isn’t something you need to tolerate.

This. My sister is an alcoholic nightmare. Shes always been a nasty person, the alcohol just makes her worse. She is very bitter and blames her problems on everyone else. She’s not your issue op, step away it’ll do you the world of good.

YANBU, I cut off my DB for similar reasons (except he didn’t have any drug issues etc and my mother worships him), I was just sick of feeling both exploited and like a sounding board for him to dump all his frustrations on.

I genuinely believe he has MH issues that went unaddressed because he’s so high functioning and successful, but now he’s stepped up to harassing me via workplace and people we both know. It sucks.

I’m appalled by people implying this is somehow your fault. Ridiculous.

So you “rarely speak” and she “never rings” whilst, at the same time she “regularly” rings you up, and the other day “called you again”

Schrödinger's Sister.

Well the OP sounds like she participates in the dynamics, has continued the narrative that the sister is at fault for her parent’s relationship with her and is relating that narrative to others. It sounds like a classic scapegoat/golden child dynamic from the OPs post. The OP will be playing a part in that.

Op I would send a simple text:

'I've made the difficult decision to end any contact with you due to the way you speak to me and your behaviours.Please do not contact me again. I request you respect my decision'

Then immediately block her number and unfollow on social media.
Tell your parents you do not want to hear any news about her.
The only problem with this is that you still have a relationship with her children
Are they safe?Will you be able to continue this?
My neice and nephew found me as they got older.They were both terribly damaged by my sister.Try and keep that door open for them.I regret not being there more for them when they were teenagers and young adults.