To think that, if you, as a man, abandon your child - knowing full well they’re yours - there should be a ‘statute of limitations’ on how long you have to exercise your ‘fathers right’?

[mumofoneAloneandwell]

I’m about to watch Matlock, season 2, and iirc the dad hadn’t bothered to be a father but now wants to come back now the boy is older.

Imo there should be a statute of limitations on this. So many men don’t want to do the child rearing but are happy to exercise their right to parenting once the kid is older.

i said for men because it’s mostly men who do this, but provided the mother abandoned her kid with family/the dad, and wasn’t unwell due to the trauma of becoming a mum (ie being raped) then I’d of course include them in this

The problem is, that doesn’t centre the child. And would inevitably lead to fathers having no financial responsibility too. Many men would LOVE that deadline coming up

I would make it separate to mandatory child support payments, if the mother/father wants them

lots of mothers who this would benefit perhaps wouldn’t want the money anyway

The child will always have a right to a relationship with their father.

A child should always have the right to have a relationship with a parent if they want. The other parent should never be able to terminate this.

The family court no longer hold this position if it's not in the child's best interests

I think lots of people already think this, my ex hasn’t seen our kids in 3 years, a lot of people I’ve spoken to said he should never be allowed to see them now so it makes me wonder when the “cut off” would be. A year ? 2? 3..

I don’t see how you could do this without also absolving them of financial responsibility too.

Sounds good to me.
I don't agree when 'parents' dip in and out of their child's life. Or return when they see a use for them/they are less work.
A child should always have the right to a relationship with both parents. But if a parent isn't safe then the kid's safety comes first above all else.
I never thought I would say this, but if my ex would walk away abd give up all right I would happily not take a penny ever again. For him it's about power and control and he is damaging the kids in the small amount of time he has them.

100000%! My DD’s Dad abandoned our daughter (& me) when she was 1 (now 11). Job-hopped and succeeded in avoiding child maintenance and tells evvvveryone he knows that I’ve refused to allow him visitation! Just utter nonsense.

Yet he could technically still prevent me from moving her schools, moving abroad and I absolutely could not change her name without his permission or have any new husband adopt her without his agreement. Madness.

Sadly there isn’t a cut off. My ex hasn’t seen our child since 2016 and yet I’ve discovered after much, much research that he could pop up tomorrow and refuse to allow her to attend the high school she’s chosen to apply for, prevent me from getting her a passport (& therefore her leaving the country), could access all her medical records inc. requesting to be informed of everything in future (same for school stuff) and could refuse to allow me to change her name if I was to get married (which I wouldn’t do but still). He could also refuse to allow any future husband of mine to adopt her.

I even contacted a lawyer to ask if I could have his parental rights/parental responsibility removed but the answer was a very firm NO! Absolutely not. Apparently even in child sexual abuse cases, it is excruciatingly rare for a judge to agree to remove Parental Responsibility (PR) and according to her, has only ever been done in cases where the parent has R*ped the child (that was difficult to type 😥) and even then it’s tough to achieve.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news on that one. Solidarity 🤟🏻

He’s not on BC

Sorry but it's not about the mother it's about the child. You are being ridiculous to say a child shouldn't have involvement from their father, or a relationship with him, however hopeless that father is. Do you generally like the idea of a moralistic, interfering nanny state, or is it only when it applies to other people rather than yourself?

Ohhhh well that’s different then! I think OP was referring to fathers who are? Either way, it was cathartic to have my rant.
Hope you’re managing ok anyway, I know how challenging it is to do it 7 days a week. Especially when you know people who get 3 days a week off from parenting! 😆

I think we’ve found one ☝️

I think parental responsibility/the chance to apply for that should be severed after a few years. Adopted DC aren't returned to their biological parents if they turn their life around, why is this any different? If the child has a settled happy life without them, why mess with that?

I think a parent abandoning a child should be seen in law as child neglect.

This - the ability for men to weave in and out of a kids life when it suits them is considered ‘harmful’ when a kid is adopted but not when their mother (or father) works every day to raise that child? Shocking

once the deadline is up, you should have to wait until they’re 18 to get back in touch

Is that the only way you can make sense of someone having a different perspective than yours? The only way I could become an absent father would be by changing sex and inventing a Time Machine.

This is insanity! You strong woman to have to put up with this shit.

it would be in this exact scenario that the strength of ‘his name is on the birth cert’ should run out after a few years of uninterest

this ‘progress’ for men is just another way to oppress mothers who are stripped of agency and choice for their own children

I say 3 years. Maybe 2

Thank you. It was very, very difficult in the beginning as I was also devastatingly heartbroken and ended up having a breakdown. Got through it though.
I completely agree by the way! In some countries, after 7 years, all PR is/can be dropped completely. No idea why it’s not the case here.

I agree. But as you mentioned it shouldn't mean that financial responsibility ends - that should continue always.

Yes, a child has a right to a relationship with their father but that would be the child's right, not the father's. Once rights have been terminated ( after 2 or 3 years or however long you want to set it), it's the mothers decision to allow communication.

The mother must act in the best interest of her child of course, but he will have no recourse on her decision.

Presumably your child is at least 11 years old then? In a few years she’ll be able to do all those things by herself - change her name, get a passport, emigrate, etc. without any input from your ex.

I don’t know about a definite end date to contact, I can see scenarios where that wouldn’t be in the child’s best interest.

But, I do think that there should be a simple, legal process whereby lone parents can have it recognised in court that they are the only active parent, and therefore have a casting say over anyone else with parental rights for things like passports, school, medical stuff etc.

First off no fathers on the birth certificate no money should be paid, there should be a contract between both parents that they both wanted the child and preferably details of both expectations on what parenting entails before conception, BUT ultimately if the parents can't work out what is best for the child and not the bitching against each other then sadly the courts have to step in or other 3rd parties because as per usual the parenting fighting always seems way more important than any child it seems

The so called nanny state should do more in some cases.
I worked for people fleeing domestic violence and seen cases where children have watched their father nearly murder their mother, or rape them ortheir siblings and then have a say in that child's life. Often making arbitrary decisions as a form of continued control. That is more "ridiculous".