Car decision for 17th Birthday

[Chenecinquantecinq]

So in summary DS is 17 in a few weeks. Decided will get a car as sibling did so only fair. Last time DH chose car after viewing a few but did consult me on a lot, however cars are more his thing so left to him. With DS did say to him "you sort it" but by that I meant come up with a few options lets discuss as has always been the way with any big purchase. I found a couple of suitable cars on line today to show him and so texted links to them to receive a text back saying he'd already bought one!!! I went nuts wondering why he could not have even had the courtesy to tell me he had found one he thought was ok and what did I think. Apparently I am unreasonable! It is such a huge milestone and big expensive gift I am absolutely gutted to have been totally left out.I was in the house when he bought it literally in the next room I have no idea what he was thinking not to wander in and mention before paying.

You told him to sort it and he sorted it. If you wanted him to find a few options and discuss them with you, you should have said exactly that.

You didn’t say what you meant, so you can’t be annoyed that he did as you asked.

Yep, you told him to sort it!

Ok I get what you are saying but because of the significant cost I thought it was implied you would speak to the other half before spending big money. I am not moaning about a restaurant he has booked after saying you sort it it's the biggest gift we will probably ever give. I would not dream of spending so much or even a fraction of the money without mentioning what I had was going to spend it on. I suppose the money involved makes me think it should be implied to discuss before spending. His car for example he bored me silly over colours extras etc before purchasing and that is his car for him to drive I am not even insured on it.

Surely he doesn’t even have a driving license?

But you'd agreed you were buying a car so what else is there to discuss if you don't know anything about them. This is not a hill to die on, very OTT.

I'd be more concerned about buying a car at all for a 17 year old. Crazy stuff!

I agree with others you should have been clearer in your communication. If said to me to sort it I’d do just then tell them when it’s done.

You can get a provisional one at 17. We bought a car for our children to learn in.

Let it be a lesson in clear communication. Nothing should be "implied" based on what you would have done.

Mine has one at 16. It's perfect possible to have one at 17 or 16 with disabilities.

Fair enough, although it seems extremely young to my middle aged self.

"you sort it" does not mean "you do the donkey work, but then talk to me first as, despite what I'm clearly saying, I actually want to be the one making the decision"

Completely on you.

What are those number links in your post?

IP addresses.

very odd.

You weren’t clear, misunderstanding. You can’t blame DH.

You told him to sort it, he sorted it. Was there anything wrong with his choice? Poor spec, too expensive, better/worse than what you bought his sister?

if everything is pretty much the same, cam you articulate why you’re so angry?

That’s insane you’ve bought a car each for your kids. No wonder kids now have no work ethic and are entitled.

There is a big difference between a 16 or 17 year old with disabilities who cannot use most forms of public transport and a 17 year old child whose parent buys them a car for their birthday.
My philosophy is that if they are mature enough to drive then they can organise their own lessons, theory test and practical test and eventually make their own enquiries into getting a car (although happy to give advice and some financial help)

Never assume. Always be clear about what you mean (and I should take my own advice!).

Oh get over yourself. We bought one for our dd as she was a student 120 miles away & she couldn't afford one herself. It means she can get around much easier, can car share with friends & can come home when she wants. She is far from entitled - she's extremely hard working, savvy with what little money she has & is dedicated to her studies

You knew he'd be buying a car, it wasn't a surprise purchase was it? I could understand being annoyed if he'd bought it out of the blue.

Not in the UK.

Yes, in the UK

My parents bought me one. It was a banger and the whole point was to learn in outside of lessons.

I literally drove myself everywhere until I passed with an adult next to me so I was clocking up hours of practice each week and passed first time. Which given the scarcity of tests now can only be a good thing. I was independent at 17 and was able to get a job 15 miles away which I've progressed in and which wouldn't have been possible in my local town.

So judge all you want, some of us massively benefit from a bit of parental support (if they can afford it). Fwiw my parents weren't at all interested in education, noone in my family has been to uni, but both my brother and I worked our way up to 50k per year jobs before turning 40, so I don't think your "no work ethic" argument holds.

We bought DS one at 17; we live rurally and it's the only way he could have got to his part time job at the National Trust (no buses). So you're being very strangely judgemental about kids lack of work ethic!

OP yabu, your lack of communication isn't your DH's fault - and you going 'nuts' at him is an extreme overreaction for something that is entirely your own fault.