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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Only one key to house

55 replies

BellaLunaa · 04/02/2026 17:29

My friend and her husband moved into their house approximately 6 months ago. They both work from home. She is self employed so works job to job.

I met up with her today whilst she wasn’t working for a coffee and she mentioned she doesn’t have a key to her house. I questioned this and she said she doesn’t need one because they both work from home and go everywhere together.

She obviously goes out without him because she met me today. She also does the shopping etc without him, I believe he just lets her in. I asked her where the key is and she said on his key chain but she wouldn’t even know which one the front door key is as he always opens it. I asked what about when he goes out and she said he just takes it with him.

She seemed to think this was normal but AIBU to think not having a key to your own home is bloody weird? And maybe a bit of a red flag? It just seems really weird to me and I’m worried she isn’t allowed one. Never had any other red flags from him before though.

OP posts:
TwinklyHazelRaven · 04/02/2026 18:06

“I asked what about when he goes out and she said he just takes it with him.“ @BellaLunaa this is the red flag….depending on the lock type she would not be able to leave the house. Also I highly doubt many houses are sold leaving only 1 key to pass to the next homeowner!! Edited as I’ve just seen it’s a rental…slightly less concerning but just as weird!

Cherrysoup · 04/02/2026 18:06

Bizarre. I wasn’t thrilled to be hauled out of the bath the other evening when my Dh forgot his key whilst taking out the dogs.

Bonkers1966 · 04/02/2026 18:08

Weird

cestlavielife · 04/02/2026 18:08

If is rented the estate agent will keep a key for emergencies. She can go get it and make copies then return it.

JJkate · 04/02/2026 18:13

I once stayed with bf of the time and his family and no one took keys when they went out. They had this weird system where they would knock and have to let each other in. It must have relied on someone having to have one surely otherwise they'd all be locked out but it struck me as v weird and v controlling. There were 4 of them and me. I wasn't allowed one either.

Chinsupmeloves · 04/02/2026 18:14

If he loses that one key they're buggered! Always best to have spares for others in case of emergency as well. Xx

Mydogisagentleman · 04/02/2026 18:27

Nah, fuck that

ThisDandyWriter · 04/02/2026 18:32

We have the same set up! We both work from home and are together pretty much always. If I go out, will ket me in and vice versa. Neither have our own key, the keys are just kept in the drawer.

if I go out and then dh gues out, he’ll either leave the back door open or hide it somewhere and vice versa. Same with dd16.

definitely no red flags here, just different horses for courses.

rockingroller · 04/02/2026 18:32

Could be worrying or just weird! She is out on her own seeing you, so isn't being kept prisoner. She hasn't done anything about getting her own key. Presumably there is a back door or window that could be opened in an emergency. I would express surprise then leave it.

suburberphobe · 04/02/2026 18:34

Not normal OP.

Everyone needs as key to their own front and back door.

Original poster
BellaLunaa · 04/02/2026 19:10

I spoke to DH about it who really gets on with her husband and he agrees it’s weird but has never picked up any type of signs of controlling behaviour or weirdness from him. They are a bit quirky so he blames this.

I guess it could just be them. I can’t do anything anyway other than keep an eye on it and gently raise it with her if I see any other signs.

OP posts:
Oldconker · 04/02/2026 20:07

Our local Tesco has a key cutting machine near the entrance!
Saying that my DH doesn’t carry the front door key, it’s just hangs next to door( two keys his and a spare)!
He only uses the back door, I think he’s weird! He thinks I’m weird because I carry my house keys every time I leave house. Unless putting something in bin!

BooneyBeautiful · 06/02/2026 01:28

ThisDandyWriter · 04/02/2026 18:32

We have the same set up! We both work from home and are together pretty much always. If I go out, will ket me in and vice versa. Neither have our own key, the keys are just kept in the drawer.

if I go out and then dh gues out, he’ll either leave the back door open or hide it somewhere and vice versa. Same with dd16.

definitely no red flags here, just different horses for courses.

That could potentially invalidate an insurance claim if you were burgled as you wouldn't have taken sensible precautions to secure the property. Leaving the back door open or hiding the key outside somewhere isn't particularly safe.

ultracynic · 06/02/2026 01:34

Apart from obvious impracticalities I’d never want to be stuck in a house with no way of getting out (back door not relevant - what if that’s where the fire is!)

We have 6 keys for our house - one each for 2 adults and 2 teens, a spare in the kitchen drawer and my friend over the road has one. I check there is one in the hall if I go out and someone is still at home, it’s just basic safety.

caringcarer · 06/02/2026 01:40

She should ask LL for another key. I'm surprised she didn't think of this. Easy solution.

PollyBell · 06/02/2026 01:51

Seems weird but why is everything a red flag these days it is like a sport to see if we can be the fatest to find a way to blame whatever a woman does on men

FrodoBiggins · 06/02/2026 01:57

ThisDandyWriter · 04/02/2026 18:32

We have the same set up! We both work from home and are together pretty much always. If I go out, will ket me in and vice versa. Neither have our own key, the keys are just kept in the drawer.

if I go out and then dh gues out, he’ll either leave the back door open or hide it somewhere and vice versa. Same with dd16.

definitely no red flags here, just different horses for courses.

Why don't you just get a key? Genuine question cos this is so alien to me.
What if you go out and he's in the bath or on a teams meeting or having a shit, do you just wait outside?

PollyBell · 06/02/2026 02:24

FrodoBiggins · 06/02/2026 01:57

Why don't you just get a key? Genuine question cos this is so alien to me.
What if you go out and he's in the bath or on a teams meeting or having a shit, do you just wait outside?

Show quote history

because any time a woman wants to get in the man should be stood waiting for her arrival as anything else it seems would be his fault and a red flag

woman has no key of course blame the man

TotHappy · 06/02/2026 02:38

We only have one key too, there were two when we moved in I think but only one remains. We don't lock up when we go out though, (or when we're in, just at night), the key just lives in the lock. The having to be let in is a bit weird.

GarlicBound · 06/02/2026 02:47

PollyBell · 06/02/2026 02:24

because any time a woman wants to get in the man should be stood waiting for her arrival as anything else it seems would be his fault and a red flag

woman has no key of course blame the man

Show quote history

Don't be daft, you could reverse it without changing the point.

If they don't take a key when going out, obviously the other person has to be available to let them back in.

Igmum · 06/02/2026 03:18

Definitely weird - not sure who the 2% describing this as reasonable are, the systems of shared keys PPs have described are not the same. There everyone has access to a key.

user1492757084 · 06/02/2026 05:16

You and your husband arrive there with a house warming cake and declare that now is the time your DH drives her DH to have two extra house keys cut, as you can't go another night worrying about them being locked out in the cold, unexpectedly.
Out the strange behaviour and assist.

PollyBell · 06/02/2026 05:18

user1492757084 · 06/02/2026 05:16

You and your husband arrive there with a house warming cake and declare that now is the time your DH drives her DH to have two extra house keys cut, as you can't go another night worrying about them being locked out in the cold, unexpectedly.
Out the strange behaviour and assist.

Or the woman in question can put her big girls pants on and go and get keys cut herself like the grown woman she is?

Eviebeans · 06/02/2026 05:23

Has she ever asked about having her own key? Or has she accepted that she doesn’t need one?

ThisDandyWriter · 06/02/2026 10:44

FrodoBiggins · 06/02/2026 01:57

Why don't you just get a key? Genuine question cos this is so alien to me.
What if you go out and he's in the bath or on a teams meeting or having a shit, do you just wait outside?

Show quote history

I think it’s just one of those things which has evolved and because there’s never been an issue, no reason to change 😂
if someone is in the house, then the back door is always open because we have a dog so constantly letting her in and out.

i think we probably do have 2 keys, but they are just kept in the drawer.
we do have an unusual set up in that we are together most of the time other that school/dance runs.