The sadness that comes with joy

[BlitheSquirrel]

I love being a parent and I’m generally happy with my personal and professional life. But sometimes I look at DD, who is 5, and see the joy, wonder and excitement she has for the simplest of things, and feel sad that one day, like most of the rest of us, she’s going to lose that lust for life, and be co-opted into an empty sham of wage slavery, bills, working, sleeping, chasing after things we think we need but that are ultimately totally pointless. Then waking up aged 60 and thinking shit, I never actually lived did I?

Is it just me?

Or maybe I’m just projecting.

60 is not the end. Don't write us off.

It’s not, but ideally that realisation would come sooner.

Did you ever read that poem ‘good bones’ ?

Just to say also, you start enjoying and appreciating things again as you get older, just like you did as a child.

It’s all like the shape of a smile apparently, you are probably at the lowest point of the joy ‘smile’ now, in your 30s and 40s with young kids.

Like, did you ever hear someone in their 50s and 60s saying ‘oh look at that beautiful garden, or this coffee is amazing’ and just loving it. Things get good again!

This. I’m mid 60s and never been so content.

Mid 60s too and happier now than when I was younger

Jesus. What an incredibly depressing approach to life. I hope you don't accidentally transfer this negative outlook onto your daughter. I hope you teach her to see the beauty and joy in everyday life and be grateful for what she has.

Perhaps she won't "be co-opted into an empty sham of wage slavery, bills, working, sleeping, chasing after things we think we need but that are ultimately totally pointless"

Perhaps she'll find a job she loves.
Perhaps she'll start a business and won't be a 'slave' to waged labour.
Perhaps she'll spend her life traveling the world doing odd jobs here and there.
Perhaps she'll make billions and never have to 'chase' things.
Perhaps she won't be materialistic and won't chase useless shit.
Perhaps she'll be ambitious and buy things she wants and even when its useless shit, she'll be grateful for it and enjoy it.
Perhaps she won't ... need to sleep

Blimey that was a depressing post.

She may not lose it! I am 54 and I still have so much enthusiasm for new discoveries. My H always says it was the thing that made him fall in love with me, my 'enthusiasm for life.'

Encourage interests in culture and history; reading, art galleries, museums. There is a saying that goes something along the lines of a cultured life is never a dull life.

Perhaps focus on finding your own joy and magic in life? Try reading Victor Frankles man’s search for meaning.

Joy is a state of mind. Nobody stops you from experiencing it but you. My life is still full of joy and wonder. I saw a rainbow on Sunday coming down the hill in my car. It brought me joy. I go to work and meet some lovely people which brings me joy even on the day where I may not love my job. An old friend I haven't talked to for months messaged me - joy. My cat accidentally rolled off the sofa and freaked himself out - also joy. And sometimes, there is a quiet joy without any apparent reason. Joy is everywhere because it does not depend on external circumstances at all.

There's a line in the film "Marvellous" where the main character, Neil, says:

"I always wanted to be happy, so I decided to be"

It's a good motto to try and live by.

If you're generally happy with your life why do you think you're daughter won't be?

I'm in my sixties and have never, ever lost my lust for life. I get up every morning wanting to live every moment to the full.

I spent my working life doing a job I loved so much it was also my hobby. A hobby I still do every day even though I've retired.

I've never considered myself a wage slave, have created as off grid a life as possible to avoid bills and material things. I never chased things I thought were pointless. My aim has been contentment, peace, happiness, nature, loving the people who are important to me and enjoying the small things every day.

Your daughter will forge her own incredible path.

I'm 50, and I have plenty of joy, wonder and excitement about things. It's about outlook in life, not age.

Oldie here, still getting "the joy, wonder & excitement from simple things". You sound a little low to me BlitheSquirrel, parenting/life/work is relentless sometimes and you need to stand back and figure out how to find bits of time to feel calm/restored and happy. x