I’m reaching breaking point

[BlueOtter9]

I work in a school, I’ve handed my notice in and I have a very very unkind manager. She micromanages me, speaks at me not to me, through gritted teeth. She’s part of the reason I had to go.

She Demands I do things with an unbelievably tight turn around. When I try and explain something she’ll say “just get it done” like I’m a piece of shit. The last straw came about the other day when a report needed to be done. No other dept has finished but I’m under so much scrutiny to get it done. I feel like I’m under a microscope, I do totally understand the importance of this. But no one helped or guided me in terms of how to do it. I’ve also been asked to work with someone very very senior, ceo level to get some support as they’ve been doing it for a long time prior to being upper leadership (I’m in a leadership role too just middle not senior) this person that’s been drafted in is cold with me, no emotional awareness at all, and at times condescending in mannerism. I haven’t done a few things before so I just need that help but I don’t want to be made to feel stupid or under a microscope.

it’s more so the untenable environment, I step in and feel drained. My stomach’s in knots, I’m anxious walking in, I feel an overwhelming sense of dread and disassociate on my drive in. I feel like a robot. Doctor has prescribed propanalol for now. I seem to get waves of nasty headaches and also struggle with getting up on time now. Things are just too overwhelming. Working with too very difficult people at the start and end of the week is draining me.

What do I do? Im scared of having time off. They’ll think im doing it on purpose as it’s been when the meetings occur but thats also when my anxiety spikes ans my body responds by making me feel ill. I feel worried to get signed off as I let the kids down then. What do I do?

Your remember that you're human and you put yourself first.

How long is your notice period?

I’ve still got until April. I just can’t plod along at this point. I’m disconnected. Disengaged and it’s worse for the students when I’m this way. I’ve just checked out and I’m scared because I don’t want them to thing I’m getting a pattern of missing meetings but honestly, it makes my nervous system go funny.

You need to speak to a legal HR specialist—or are you in a union? Perhaps you have access to an Employee Assistance programme? I’m not an expert but some of what you’re describing could meet constructive dismissal criteria—your employer makes it so difficult for you to do your job without appropriate training and what sounds like bullying, you feel that you’re left with no option but to resign. I suggest you get some legal advice—your employer will s**t their pants if they think you’ll take them to an employment tribunal.

I tried. I’ve only been there 1 year 5 months. Not enough time for a claim like this. Union were actually entirely useless, she essentially told me it’s best to resign, I’ll gain nothing from raising a grievance or involving my union

Is staying until April worth your mental health?

And is there any scope for requesting early contractual release?

I worked somewhere awful with a dreadful manager afew years back and it really wore me down. It was soul destroying and nearly gave me a nervous breakdown.

I put my notice in and it was 3 months and so I got a sick note then spoke to ACAS, took a free hour with a solicitor and filed for constructive dismissal.

It was awful but it gave me a sense of closure, made this awful woman accountable and she got fired - and they had to award me a years salary and pay my legal costs.

I’m so sorry you are in this position. Hopefully you can do the same.

Can I ask how you did this, I’m nearing a nervous breakdown myself because I don’t just work with 1 nasty woman I work with 2 and 2 other bullies on my team who I manage are in the click. I’m so tired. Genuinely, I’m a robot at work now. No emotion. No joy. No pleasantries. I can no longer do it.

You go to the doctor and ask to be signed off with work related stress

im scared I’m failing the children, this is literally how I’ve been made to feel. Constant guilt.

I second ACAS.

@BlueOtter9
i literally phoned in sick to the employee line.

I then went to the gp and got a sick note

I spoke to ACAS and built my case up and on their advice, got a free hour at a solicitors who said I had a good case. I did no win no fee.

I did a timeline, gave specific examples of the bullying and patronising emails etc…

The best bit - the solicitors wrote to my employer and told them not to contact me directly by phone, email or post and ALL communication was to go through them and for them to notify my solicitors of theirs as they would only be dealing with legal professionals owing to the serious nature of the allegations.

They clearly didn’t want this and within 5-6 weeks they had sacked the bullying boss after an internal investigation, and offered me and out of court settlement of a years salary and my legal fees and an agreed reference.

Sorry to hear that the union is crap. Just for info in some instances unfair dismissal rights apply from day one—see: https://barcankirby.co.uk/two-year-rule-for-employment-rights/#:~:text=5%20June%202024,paternity%20leave%2C%20or%20for%20dependents

You'll be modelling to them what healthy boundaries look like and how to look after yourself.

That's far healthier than showing them you turn up and accept bullying.

Wow. I wonder if they’ll help me bc education has its own unions

ACAS are there for everyone they were absolutely brilliant. Solicitors also represent regardless of industry or sector.

Get your ducks in a row and phone in sick tomorrow and spend the time getting things in place. You’ve got this!

You can also contact offstead and make a complaint about the school/academy trust and how they are treating you

Acas are for everyone needing employment advice and they provide a really good service in my experience.

don’t endure this situation. Get signed off, take advice and consider taking things further. Don’t feel responsible for the kids. Education staff come and go all the time- that’s the reality of the sector.

sorry you are experiencing this

She won't be modelling anything really. All the children will know is that she no longer teaches them (or does whatever role she's in). They won't be told anything about the circumstances surrounding her leaving.

The only person you are failing is yourself putting up with it. It’s like all these threads with people with horrible cheater abusive partners and they stay!
same principal - don’t stay in an awful job - think of yourself and your partner/kids/family but most importantly ask yourself “ what about me” ❤️

@BlueOtter9

I was being bullied by a trustee in my last job, culminating in him recording a meeting at which he spoke to me in the most outrageous manner. You should have seen his face when I requested a copy of the audio!

Unfortunately that was after months of nastiness and gaslighting and I was at breaking point just like you. I worked one more day but couldn't go back so I went to the GP and was immediately signed off for 3 months. I simply couldn't go back into that building, regardless of leaving many people in the lurch.

It took me over 2 months to pluck up the courage to start a grievance process. He resigned within hours of my complaint being received.

The independent HR consultant found in my favour and I was awarded a small payout, about 3 months salary.

You will feel SO MUCH BETTER the moment you get signed off. It'll take you a while to recover from the cortisol overload, so start your recovery now.

That’s what they rely on in schools. The children will be fine but you might not be if you don’t leave this toxic environment. Go off sick and get yourself well in time for the next opportunity that comes along. If you don’t put yourself first no one else is going to.

A few jobs back I had a terrible time coming back from mat leave. Horrible place to work. It was a big name company too. Everyone would know it.
I got signed off by the dr and didnt go back. They tried to make me redundant and I filed a grievance and settled out of court for a years salary.
It was the best thing as I could not work and I was being targeted.
I am so glad I got signed off.
I got a new job after the settlement and eveything was fine.

@BlueOtter9

You need to look after yourself. You won't be any good to the kids if you have a nervous breakdown and that's what will happen if you continue in this toxic environment. Put yourself first because no one else will.

You've had some good advice here already. And yes I recommend going to ACAS too. They know their stuff and give excellent advice.

No, of course they won't be told. But I think you underestimate the perceptiveness of children. They'll know if they have a teacher who is deeply unhappy, it comes across. And besides you missed the point. OP needs to give themself permission to put themself first.