im a shit teacher and i want to cry

[MerryUmberFox]

>first year on the job
>have incredibly difficult low ability high need SEN group of year 10 boys (14-15)
>have a good relationship with them and most lessons are positive but very slow progressing
>by some miracle, they all pass the mock bar one (doesn't sound like an achievement but i really didnt think any of them would even get a 4. only because i forced them to actually learn the content despite furious resistance from them at every turn)
>culminates in so much boundary pushing that a disastrous lesson punctuated by rudeness, personal questions, unkindness, disrespect
>feel demoralised and wonder how i've let this happen
>put my foot down and they all end up receiving a sanction for repeatedly being rude and unkind towards me

>the relationship completely broke down after this sanction
>they are now sulking, refusing to talk to me, refusing to do any work AT ALL
>engagement has now gone from very little to zero

i feel like a shit teacher and i just destroyed the relationships i built with them to the detriment of everything i worked for. I worked so hard to get them to pass their mocks and now they're protesting

school is supporting me but i feel like a shit teacher

no i will not correct my spelling and grammar ive had a shit day

It’s not a miracle that they passed their mock: that was you. You need a whole sheet of gold stars!

Teaching is tough. Sometimes you just have to chuck it in the fuck it bucket and try again the next day.

The classes like this that I’ve have had said they like the stricter teachers, they want the boundaries. Hang in there.
(Buy wine)

I haven’t rtft, but couldn’t read and run. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job! They passed their mocks, that’s brilliant for a group such as you describe. Being a first year teacher can be crushingly hard, especially when you experience the downs in the rollercoaster that is relationships with students. Don’t apologise for giving the sanctions, and be consistent in giving them out again if you need to. But welcome them back with a fresh start and let them know you are pleased to see them, and you will, I’m sure, get back to a positive footing. You’re not a shit teacher and they’re not shit kids - it was just a bad day 💐

Yeah they will still like you. They shouldn’t be rude to you and they know it. I always say ‘I’m not rude to you, ever, so why are you being rude to me?’. Relentless positivity about their grades and tell them, repeatedly, you care for them and are proud of them. They will come back round. Pick them off individually in different lessons-take them out for a five minute chat.

And don’t take anything personally (apart from any praise!! 🤣). You are their safe space to express frustrations etc to.

‘Extinction burst’ is a brilliant concept! Never heard of that before but it is so true.

OP - one of my warmest moments as a new teacher was when a girl who had been the MOST difficult of the MOST difficult Y11 class I taught approached me in the corridor and shoved a postcard into my hand, ordering me gruffly ‘don’t read it now’ then scuttled off. In it, she had thanked me for my passion and enthusiasm, and for never giving up on her. So even if they are being terrible, they do see and appreciate what you are doing. Somewhere deep inside 😆

I am a retired teacher and overall i loved and was good at the job. You are a good teacher. A shit teacher would not have got the group so far. Teaching definitely gets easier as you gain experience. My first year was a steep learning curve. The age group you have is, in my experience, the toughest year. I would go home each nght and think about what had happened during the day. What had i done right. What could i do differently. A strategy i found often worked well was to talk to troublesome kids separately to avoid them playing to the class audience. I can remember a boy calling from the back of the class about my sex life. I didnt react other than give him a wry smile but when the class left i held him back to explain about how inappropriate his shouting had been. One to one with me he was not cheeky! Good luck. You are definitely going to be a star teacher andthank you what you do.

I justread a couple of the posts from teachers..some excellent tips. Ifi was still teaching i would make a list from them!

Aww, you poor thing. You are NOT a shit teacher. It sounds to me like they lack intrinsic motivation, and any success they’ve had is down to you. Sadly this is common these days.
When I was at school, the quality of the relationship with the teacher mattered not one bit. That’s because I was driven to do well no matter what. That came from me, not my parents or anyone else.
I work in a secondary school and so many kids will scapegoat the teacher as an excuse not to do well. Fact is, they can’t be arsed!
You must accept that there is only so much you can do x

As a TA in year 10 bottom sets across all subjects I can empathise. I’ve seen a few teachers new & experienced struggle so far this year, they’re a tough year group. You’re making a difference & some will thank you ((eventually). The boys & girls I work with will often sulk or moan if I sanction but they come round after day or two, they will too. Be consistent, you’re not a shit teacher.

Kindly, you're being unreasonably harsh on yourself.

I've recently supported a similar class with their regular, experienced teacher, and I could see exactly why it was a struggle when I had them a few weeks back for a Fri p5 cover. It's just a tough combination of personalities who were weak, needed and very easily distracted by each other. It's not personal against the teachers.

Experience and stability help, but even teachers with that on their side often still find it a slog with classes lacking in intrinsic motivation.

They won't all sulk forever, you can divide and conquer them, work on them one by one by being cheery and upbeat - particularly if you can find them in the corridor out of lessons and have a quick friendly exchange with them.

They're in Y10 and just did unexpectedly well in their mocks. Have you spoken to them about what their plans are for after GCSEs? Are they staying at the school? Going to college? Any ideas what they want to do? Sometimes saying 'oh you're interested in construction?' and pulling up the construction qualifications on the local college website - 'look, you can get into this one with four 4s - the one you are going to get in this subject is a good start, what are your other grades like?' can sometimes pique their interest and start a normal conversation with them which shows them the point of working in your subject.

YABU

You are NOT a shit teacher, in any way shape or form. Today was crap, tomorrow will hopefully be better.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink and all that. It's true.

Oh my god we’ve all been there! I’ve been doing this 20 years and still have days where I think WTAF am I doing!
keep calm and consistent, keep showing up and doing the best for them and show no fear. I absolutely agree with the thing of them behaving appallingly because they are testing whether you will leave them. By sanctioning behaviour, you’ve redrawn a boundary and for them it feels like rejection. I’m sure that attachment theory works on some level with students as well. Spend two minutes a day with the most difficult ones talking about anything else other than the work. Find out what makes them tick, remember and ask questions. Be pleased to see them in the corridors, and remember to depersonalise behaviour. It’s not you, it’s them. Also they often behave worst where they feel the safest. If you manage to keep them in the room and vaguely on task, you are winning part of the battle.

This is the problem in teaching. Teachers blaming themselves for systemic issues that actually aren’t their fault. If the sector wasn’t made up of martyrs then systemic issues would be brought into the open. I haven’t got much sympathy OP. Wake up! You’re not the problem. Why on earth do you think you are? And why do so many teachers have a god complex whereby they think they can solve it all?

Well done for all you have achieved in your first year of teaching. Please don’t give up. I’ve been where you are (English teacher of many years). What you learn as you go on in your career is that you have some classes that are easier than others but they go at the end of the year and you get the chance to start again.

I used to envy teachers of options because, for the most part, students had chosen those subjects. Everyone has to do English whether they can do it or not. And it’s so high stakes as it counts towards school results so you get SMTpressure. But conversely students know it’s important and can generally be coaxed into trying. Keep talking to them, tell them matters to them and try to build in some fun - videos of the texts, fun writing activities, YouTube revision shorts, competitive games. And sometimes you just have to grind through it.

You are already an outstanding teacher!
You have achieved so much with them, it’s very impressive.
Don’t give up appeal to their better nature. You can do it!!!

Sounds as if you are a great teacher to me.

I am not a teacher but can tell from the post you care a lot about your pupils. You have worked hard to build a good relationship with them, and as a result they have worked hard for you and most have managed to achieve 4s. Sounds as if they would not have achieved that without you.

Maybe there was a lot of built up feelings or emotions following the mock, and you took the brunt of it.

They shouldn't be rude, and despite the sen should accept appropriate consequences for their behaviour.

Don't have any advice but hope you can find a way forward.

To achieve what you have in your first year of teaching sounds amazing. They are lucky to have you behind them.