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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say Dd can’t perform?

70 replies

1400spincycle · 03/02/2026 17:32

DD (y7) is ND and can as a result lack self awareness. DD loves drama and performing and has signed up for part in the school musical. (All great so far) however she has come home super excited that she has been cast in a lead role. It seems she was cast “even though she missed the singing auditions…’

Unfortunately, she can’t sing a note…

The production is organised by the pupils themselves rather than teacher led which might explain the oversight?

AIBU to try and stop her continuing in the role as I’m really concerned she might become a joke?

OP posts:
1400spincycle · 03/02/2026 19:23

It’s an all year production so neither she nor I know any of the organisers as they are sixth form…

OP posts:
BarbaraVineFan · 03/02/2026 19:26

Could it be that it’s a non singing part? Some lead roles in musicals have no solo singing.

MyTrivia · 03/02/2026 19:29

1400spincycle · 03/02/2026 19:06

I absolutely want to support her in this but she would be incredibly hurt if it goes badly.

Fair enough. But unless you feel that people are deliberately setting her up to be humiliated in a bullying Carrie sort of way, I think the best thing to do would be to get some singing lessons for her. That could make her able to hold the role. Don’t you think?

LionKing88 · 03/02/2026 19:31

1400spincycle · 03/02/2026 19:22

I don’t want to pull her out from the whole show, but was wondering whether to contact the school and flag my concerns to her teacher? I don’t want to interfere unnecessarily- but would want to know if the role could be made more choir based or a group song instead if needed.

What could you possibly say?! The teacher will read your email and think you're being a raging bitch of a mother. Im sure you are not like that irl, but how else would that be taken!?

1400spincycle · 03/02/2026 19:31

MyTrivia · 03/02/2026 17:53

Oh you sound like my mother who was desperate to criticise me and leave me in no doubt that others were better than me.

please challenge your way of doing things and ask yourself why you don’t think it’s your job to be her biggest cheerleader? She obviously was given the role for a good reason and now you’re trying to tear her down.

You know what, the world is so full of awful people and nastiness that the one person who should be trusted to instil confidence is a child’s parent.

I’m really not trying to put her down. I would never not encourage her but I am also aware of how sometimes a very (sociably) vulnerable child can be set up by others to be the butt of their jokes. it’s one of the nastiest kinds of bullying.

I want to make sure that my DD is protected and that any role is given to her for genuine reasons. - and giving the lead role in a musical to someone who can’t sing seems … unlikely, which makes me nervous for her.

OP posts:
pinkpony88 · 03/02/2026 19:33

The joy of being a child is doing something for the enjoyment of it without worrying whether you’re actually any good 😊

Hollowvoice · 03/02/2026 19:34

1400spincycle · 03/02/2026 19:31

I’m really not trying to put her down. I would never not encourage her but I am also aware of how sometimes a very (sociably) vulnerable child can be set up by others to be the butt of their jokes. it’s one of the nastiest kinds of bullying.

I want to make sure that my DD is protected and that any role is given to her for genuine reasons. - and giving the lead role in a musical to someone who can’t sing seems … unlikely, which makes me nervous for her.

She says she didn't do the singing audition so then they don't know if she can or can't sing? So "setting her up" seems unlikely to me, and they've given her the part because they think she'll do well?

Newgirls · 03/02/2026 19:36

Maybe her personality and performance is more important than her singing skills? Maybe she looks perfect for the part. Leave it well alone.

Iris2020 · 03/02/2026 19:36

1400spincycle · 03/02/2026 19:22

I don’t want to pull her out from the whole show, but was wondering whether to contact the school and flag my concerns to her teacher? I don’t want to interfere unnecessarily- but would want to know if the role could be made more choir based or a group song instead if needed.

Yes it really seems wise. You know your daughter so trust your instincts. A teacher needs to keep an eye out to make sure her best interests are kept at heart.
How complicated for you to navigate.

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 03/02/2026 20:32

A quiet word with a sympathetic and discreet teacher won't hurt.

MyTrivia · 03/02/2026 21:44

1400spincycle · 03/02/2026 19:31

I’m really not trying to put her down. I would never not encourage her but I am also aware of how sometimes a very (sociably) vulnerable child can be set up by others to be the butt of their jokes. it’s one of the nastiest kinds of bullying.

I want to make sure that my DD is protected and that any role is given to her for genuine reasons. - and giving the lead role in a musical to someone who can’t sing seems … unlikely, which makes me nervous for her.

Oh I get that too, honestly. If you think this is a type of bullying then it’s a whole other matter, of course.

BarbaraVineFan · 03/02/2026 22:19

Surely the sixth formers who organise it aren’t bullying her though? And they won’t want to mess up their production. It must be a non singing part, I’m sure! Can you tell us what the show and the part are?

Iris2020 · 05/02/2026 23:26

I feel everyone is very over optimistic sadly.

There might just be a misunderstanding on the nature of the part itself.

Or some children may be incredibly cruel. Cruel by telling her she got a part she didn’t or by giving her a part she is not suited to.

What seems the least likely of all is that a vulnerable child you didn't attend the singing audition and was not selected for the school choir has been deliberately chosen as potentially the best candidate for a leading role.

I understand people are trying to be kind and polite but the OP is her daughter's wisest advocate. Don't deter her.

ExtraOnions · 05/02/2026 23:38

I am a Governor, I go to the show(s) every year. The “big one” is always a musical … many of the young people can’t really sing, the dances aren’t always co-ordinated, the acting is touch & go, with various lines forgotten .. but it doesn’t matter.

The young people love being part of it, are incredibly supportive to each other, and the audience cheer everyone.

I would just let her get in with it

TheSquareMile · 06/02/2026 00:13

1400spincycle · 03/02/2026 19:05

She is in the drone category. I’m aware that she isn’t on a par with her peers - it is impossible to recognise what she is singing without her telling me. I love that she’s enthusiastic - but it is telling that the school music teacher encouraged her to be in the ‘makaton’ choir. She has not been chosen for the school choir…

Makaton is a kind of sign language, if I remember correctly.

You say that the school music teacher has suggested the Makaton choir.

Would it be possible to contact that teacher to ask him/her to make enquiries about the role she has told you about?

It sounds advisable, to be honest. I would hate to think that other girls were being unkind and amusing themselves at her expense.

CharlotteFlax · 06/02/2026 00:23

Agree with pp who is a school governor and has seen lots of these types of shows. Most of the kids will be mediocre, at best, and there may be one or two stars, but overall everyone taking part will have had a great time and it's not really about showing off the best talent.

If you do want to raise it with school, ask for a quick chat with the senco who can then speak to the show organisers if that's what you agree.

rockingroller · 06/02/2026 00:27

Most people can learn to sing if they warm up properly and practice a
lot. Don't write her off as someone who can't sing a note, she will improve massively if she is encouraged and ideally has a few lessons.

Dagda · 06/02/2026 00:32

I was always picked for the lead role in school productions because I was absolutely adorable, had no singing skills whatsoever. I just looked cute.

Unfortunately a teacher made that clear to me one year and burst my bubble.

Could that be the case here? My middle child is also adorable, confident and often picked to be the lead while not actually particularly talented at the singing bit.

Branleuse · 06/02/2026 00:37

Don't get involved. If they aren't happy, then they have to manage that. It'll be character building

99bottlesofkombucha · 06/02/2026 00:58

LionKing88 · 03/02/2026 19:31

What could you possibly say?! The teacher will read your email and think you're being a raging bitch of a mother. Im sure you are not like that irl, but how else would that be taken!?

Why would the teacher think that?? It sounds caring to me!!
’my dd was given part x, she didn’t go to the singing audition so they haven’t heard her sing. I’m worried she will be very upset or get laughed at if she can’t sing it, do you think there is any way you could discreetly do a run through with dd and see if you think the part will work as is?’

99bottlesofkombucha · 06/02/2026 01:04

I’d contact a teacher and delicately ask them what they think. I totally disagree with the person who said most kids can’t hold a note. Our kids school has optional singing lessons and they are very popular, mine do it and I go to the concerts and it’s clear at least a third of the school can do much more than hold a note from age 6 up. I am pretty tone deaf so I have to rely on my husband for that view. Music is a totally different planet if you’re musical- listening to a song dh will say wait for the key change and my 7 yo will nod as he hears the key change- I never had the slightest idea there was one and you couldn’t teach me to hear it. If the ops dd singing is unrecognisable as a tune she doesn’t sound musical at all. Of course she can improve with years of practice, potentially quite a lot, but the production is this year.

Vaguelyclassical · 06/02/2026 01:10

rockingroller · 06/02/2026 00:27

Most people can learn to sing if they warm up properly and practice a
lot. Don't write her off as someone who can't sing a note, she will improve massively if she is encouraged and ideally has a few lessons.

Not if they have no ear for music whatsoever, they can't. There is a thing called "tone deaf." The "drone" described by OP sounds very ominous.
I am thinking Carrie.

caringcarer · 06/02/2026 02:02

I'd ring and ask go speak to music teacher. Explain issue music teacher will know she can't hold a tune if she was not picked for the choir. Ask if she can swap roles.

Thoseslippers · 06/02/2026 02:03

I think you have to let her lead on this. This is her journey to go on. Shes super excited and thinks she can do it. It absolutely should not be her own mother who makes her feel she cannot.
There's a long way to go till the actual performance. It may be that she improves and ends up being just fine.. ir it may be they realise shes not up to that role and re cast her...
But that's her journey to go on.
You are getting over involved abd it will hurt her.
Yes she stands the risk of being hurt by this experience but you can't counteract that by hurting her yourself!!
This is part of growing up. You need to take a step back and just let it unfold and be as supportive and positive as you can.

JMSA · 06/02/2026 03:28

Aww, bless her ☺️💕
It’s definitely absolutely fine to speak to the teacher.
Hope it all goes well and that she has a ball!

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