AIBU? Worrying about autism, 20.5 months old

[mumstheword1x]

My little boy is nearly 22 months old, but he was premature- so he should’ve been more around the 20.5 month mark.

I’m worried he’s autistic - not because autism scares me, but more so I’m worried he’s not getting support / help he needs outside of our household, especially if it could help him, or he’s entitled too it. I have severe health anxiety following his birth, which I’m seeing help for.

Why I’m worried:

• he is hit and miss at responding to his name, I’d say he doesn’t respond more than he does, but I go on a lot and also depends on what he’s doing 😂.

• He makes the same noise quite regularly, like a baby noise still.

• He only has about 15 words, and they can really only be understood by family.

• Won’t hold hands when walking outside ( but will hold my fingers / hand when dancing indoors- although outdoor hand holding has improved )

Other things about him:

• he isn’t bothered about loud noises or busy environments

• He sleeps well

• Eats most things

• Plays with toys appropriately

• Will follow his sister around

• Interactive ( for example if I’m laying on the floor he will come and lay on me and laugh )

• He points

• Will wave and say ‘bye bye’

• He gets happy when me and his dad come back home ‘dadddddy.’ Running over to his dad.

• He isn’t shy but will cuddle into me if he’s met someone new for the first few minutes

• He gets nervous when things feel scary, like trying to walk down the stairs, he will go all nervous and giggle

• Will try and feed you his food, or brush your hair ( he was trying to put a hair bow in his sisters hair )

•Was playing peekaboo with my friend who lives in Australia and cuddling / kissing her the first time they met.

I think it’s just the name responding and the very few words that have triggered me. He’s had a hearing test and he’s got glue ear in one ear so been referred to ENT. But audiology say this shouldn’t effect his hearing or his development as it’s only one sided? Which is what I was putting it down too?

My daughter is 6 and I do remember her not responding to her name all the time, especially looking back at videos - but she’s a complete social chatterbox now.

AIBU? My husband says I am, and that he thinks he’s developing well. I’ll attach list of words he does say.

but I guess I am after people’s stories of if their kids did this but caught up eventually, I feel like a terrible mum if I’m not advocating loud enough

His development sounds within the normal range to me. It's not unusual for children to not respond to their name 100% of the time, especially if he's engrossed in an activity or playing. If you're feeling anxious, talk to your health visitor for advice.

I have, but my health visitor is SO rude. She just cuts me off ‘we can discuss more at his 24 month check’ we live in a tiny little village so we don’t have access to a big community of health visitors. 😣

Please try not to worry. At that age there isn't any way to know for sure, and you'll kill yourself worrying.

Fwiw my 2yo said 4 words on his 2nd birthday. By 2y 3months he spoke in paragraphs. Focus more on his understanding and less on what his output is.

He sounds completely normal for his age, I think you are over worrying. Social media really likes to push the "autism signs in babies" narrative because it tends to attract the kind of obsessive viewing that comes with something like health anxiety/OCD, and all their algorithm cares about is getting more/longer views, it doesn't care about whether those views are coming from a healthy place. I think it can be really dangerous if you have these kinds of tendencies (and I say that as somebody who can get pulled into this kind of thing).

If you have any kind of professional support with your health anxiety it might be worth checking in with them. As your HV says, it's not long until your son's 2 year check and there's nothing concerning in your list that would prompt an earlier review.

I don't think you can tell at this stage. There is so much that is fine and children develop at different rates. I thought I should do something about my second as his speech was so behind what I thought it would be based on how verbal my eldest (who is the ASD one actually!) was at that age. I think I probably spoke a lot more with the eldest or just his personality. I doubt you would get a diagnosis at present based on what you have said and I don't think there would be any major intervention offered either so I don't think you missing out on getting support. You could always ask health visitor for any advice on this and any support ideas though if it would put your mind to rest

He sounds very normal for an almost two year old. At that age it's a huge range in ability. Try not to worry and keep exposing him to books and different learning experiences

Arr, mee, woo woo, not not (for knock knock) are also all totally normal pronunciations for a child his age. They get better at the soft consonants like k and f later on, around 3.

Thank you! Sadly I struggle to accept health care professionals opinions fully, as I told them I was in premature birth and they didn’t believe me. I then gave birth suddenly 4 hours later as I was telling them I can feel a head in triage and he was born and was put straight on life support as he had a collapsed lung and sepsis. Thankfully he has no long lasting issues from this birth.

it’s why my health anxiety has been so bad. I just want to wrap him up in cotton wool and advocate where I can for him.

I guess the name response is worrying me and like you said, social media is a terrible place for forcing things on people.

He sounds completely fine to me. My ds had very slow speech development and is still struggling age 7 but there’s no ND at all. Boys do develop differently compared to girls.

Not holding your hand could be that it makes his arm hurt (you are high up and he is low down so his arm is up in the air all the time)

Just to say glue ear can fluctuate and just because his hearing was measured as OK on one side doesn't mean it hasn't changed since. Also if there's background noise that can effect hearing too.

I have 3 autistic children and given the glue ear I don't think there are that many signs in your OP. I'm not saying he's definitely not but it seems like you might need to wait a bit longer and see how he develops. My son was diagnosed at 5, I really wasn't sure at age 2 or 3, it was pretty apparent at 4.

That's awful that you weren't listened to when he was born and not surprised it makes it hard to trust professionals. Have you ever had a birth debrief at all? I have heard from others these can be incredibly helpful to help you process it and hear the context behind why certain decisions were made.

Like with your daughter, I think it is quite normal for young children not to always respond to their name. Even my older children don't always respond to their name, I think they have selective hearing

OP if it makes you feel any better, even if he was diagnosed with ASD it's highly unlikely he'd get any help or support IMO. When DS was diagnosed I got a badly photocopied reading list. It doesn't sound like he needs to see a speech therapist or OT so I'm not sure what help you're envisioning. He sounds great so just try to enjoy him.

Oh that is a shame 😔 but only a couple of months until his 24 month check and it really doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about. Try not to spiral into dr google and looking at autism specific things on social media, it will only add to your health anxiety. Just enjoy him, he sounds like a lovely little boy ☺️