To *ALSO* ask how to start a new life?

[TirednessOnToast]

Inspired by the thread started by a different poster, but not wanting to jump on that one / divert it, I am starting my own as my circs are also slightly different.

I am the (now) single parent of two young people with Autism & severe Dyslexia.
We have survived the educational process but barely. They are now 18 & 21.
The 18 y/o has 4 o levels, started college but burned out (no support at all).
The 21 y/o has an HNC. Started Uni but burned out (ongoing health problem)
It all came to a juddering halt at Christmas. We're having an up-to-6m 'gap' rest.

Our educational & NHS experience has been so gruelling that I had to become their Carer. For the last 18 years, I've had a daily battle to get one or both to an educational setting. In September, with them starting College & Uni, I thought it had all been worth it. But now I wish we had home ed'ed & avoided ALL that trauma as I can't see them returning to education & I'm not sure they're employable. Obviously I'm not saying that to them but I'm really worried.

So I am thinking that I need to create some sort of family business for them to fall back on if they struggle to find appropriate employment outside the home.

Issues I'd like advice on (please):

I currently live rural Scotland. I would like to move area as older Dc has an ongoing health issue that is not being properly addressed. I have gone through local process and got nowhere so a relocation would be best at this point.

I only have around £175K to spend & for that I'd ideally like a 3 bed bungalow / detached house. Within 10m of a biggish town/small city with good bus access.
(insumountable problem number 1!...)

So, I'm looking at Scottish Borders (NO), Dumfries & Galloway, or Highlands.
OR (my preference) Cumbria/Northumberland. But if I move over the Border all our benefits (our sole income atm, but I hope to change that) end after 12w & have to reapply.That feels like too big a risk until I can establish a reliable different income. So, I may be stuck in Scotland, (UNLESS I can produce magic)

Because I'm their Carer, I cannot earn more than £150 per week or work many hours. They are not in receipt of any UC themselves (as they were studying) so do not have these restrictions. They'd need a lot of help but we could hopefully set up a small business in their names. I wondered about a community interest business, with a small shop maybe offering a 'reuse, recycle' type service. They'd like that idea. There is one local to us but not run in an ASD friendly way & the owner is very protective of the concept so we'd need to try this elsewhere. (but I wondered about volunteering there myself for a bit to get an idea of how it works?) A shop-facing business sounds a bit much for people with ASD but 21 y/o has some experience & loved it (just needs very flexi hours) & 18 y/o could manage with some initial support. We'd need to reach out locally to people who could also help, to try to form a community. This would help us embed in a new area & give us purpose & most importantly, get us off/reduce benefits 'trap'.

I'm 58. I need to know that I am leaving them somewhere safe to live and a role in life. They have no wider family & we have no community here. This feels like a 'moving on' point but I'm tired and a bit overwhelmed re how to go about it.

So, as the other poster had useful responses I thought I'd risk an AIBU thread myself to see if anyone is willing to chat it through with me / has any ideas?

Can your DC apply for UC in their own right now that they have left education? That might give a bit of a buffer short term.

@HidethebiscuitsitsNellie Thanks for replying. I can but they have quite a lot of savings in their own bank accounts so I don't think they'd receive anything? (plus it's pretty gruelling & they need a rest/re-set atm)

Well done for thinking outside the box!

Starting up a business with premises might have high start-up costs so would it be worth looking at other lower-cost ways at least initially, for example, running sessions in a community centre. Or would it be possible to run the business from home, at least to start with.

I would definitely try to get volunteering experience to try and understand the workings and money side of things.

In the Highlands, there are already some voluntary 'repair cafes' running in some areas (you can find them by googling) so these might be competition for what you are thinking of. On the other hand, however, if you and DC volunteered in them it might help show you whether there is scope to set up your own business, and would also help you get to know local people generally.

Be careful about public transport links. In the Highlands, they are not great rurally, even comparatively close to main settlements. On the other hand, your DC can get free bus travel up to 22nd birthday with the free 'Young Scot' card if you do find somewhere with a decent service.

There is free advice available for business start-ups and social enterprises. You could also try the King's Trust.

Good luck!

Realistically if you want to be near a large town in the Highlands then you’re looking at Inverness, and you won’t be able to get a 3 bed detached house for £175k within 10 miles. The highlands is also not great for healthcare, public transport, further education or job prospects.

I’d stick to around the central belt - the Lothians, Renfrewshire, Fife, Stirlingshire? But I think it’s going to be difficult to find a 3 bed detached house for £175k anywhere, sorry. Would you be open to a semi?

What about thinking about skills based work. I’m always on the hunt for ideas for my younger son so far I have materials technician (testing Engineering materials) high degree of repeatability and reproducibility, drone operator, daughtsperson CAD/BIM. Those sorts or roles have lower executive function demands in my experience.

@NimbleMooseyes of course : I know I'll have to cut my cloth (as does everyone but my cloth isn't very big!). Atm we are in a nice house but it's in the wrong area for ongoing health care. If I could get a small mortgage of upto 50k (big IF) then I'd have a bit more, but realistically over £200k is unlikely. I've seen a converted church outside Dumfries which is lovely but it's a bit rural. I'm ideally hoping to increase the independence of young adults.

@Sunnydayinparadisethank you this is really helpful. I have 1 that has AuDHd, is dyspraxic (so fine motor skills poor) & has a heart condition (so nothing too physical) but is willing & good with people and great at Tech & 1 who is Autistic, Dyslexic & situationally mute (but able & willing to work hard physically & is learning to drive !!). Both likely to work 50% jobs as exhaustion from managing disabilities. I myself am late 59's, have lost my confidence & am mobility impaired. But I'm reasonably fluent, good at running a household & highly motivated.
So, between us we've got a good variety of skills & should be able to carve out a useful life for ourselves & contribute to society.

Pet sitting/care? Dog walking? Grooming pets is lucrative. Guinea pig/rabbit care ?

Cheaper housing in the Highlands but NHS Highland is on its knees. Get on local FB pages in the areas you're looking and gauge what the situation is. You may be jumping from one issue into a different one elsewhere....