Older son - friends staying over

[Bedroomdilemmas113]

I think I may have just spent too much time on here. I’m not scared of people knocking at my door and I’m generally a sociable person… However, I’m not sure if I’m being paranoid for being concerned about this. My husband thinks I may have lost my mind (although ultimately will not pressure me to go against whatever I decide).

Eldest is 18 and male. Would like one of his mates to stay over. No nefarious intentions of any kind. Don’t know the friend but know of them/no concerns about them. It would just be post night out. I haven’t mentioned any of this to him.

However I’m now thinking (overthinking) about the fact we also have a teenage daughter in the house. Is this something I should be concerned about or am I being ridiculous? 99% of me thinking I’ve just read far too many threads about unrelated males in houses with girls, and I’m coming up with 5 when I add 2 and 2.

If it makes any difference, house is reasonably sized. No chance of hearing anything from daughter’s room when in our room. Children have their own bathrooms and she wouldn’t be sharing.

I'd say this is firmly in the overthinking territory.

My brother always had friends staying over and I never worried for a second. I would never expect either of my DSs to behave in any other way than normally if staying in someone elses house.

Why are you worried? Does your DS have the sort of friends that you feel threatened by? Would your DS make a teenage sister of a friend feel uncomfortable if he was staying in someone else's house? If the answer to that is no then you are definitely overthinking.

Also presumably your DS will have Views on his friends liking his sister!

Based on some of the news stories I've read recently I understand why you are worried OP. I can't say whether it's an unreasonable worry.

You're worrying that your son's friend might be a rapist who is going to prowl your house until he finds your daughter's room and rape her? That's what you're worrying about?
Yes, give your head a wobble. This is no way to live.

Which news stories specifically?

Are you applying a news story to all men age 18 in the UK? Because if so we have a serious problem in raising our boys. And that will include the OP.

Well I lost my virginity to my 19 year old brothers friend when I was 15 (and he was staying over as he did most weekends). Definitely a mutual thing though! We dated on and off for a couple of years after.

You need to cool your brain. Let your son have his pal over and stop catastrophising

Well the risk isn't zero and we do hear plenty of horror stories, so I don't think you're unreasonable to think it. But I would let your son have his friend to stay and take the opportunity to have a low key conversation with your daughter about unwanted attention and how to deal with it, that she can always speak to you etc. It's worth her thinking about how to react in all kinds of situations as we are often taught about 'stranger danger' and not really about how to react to threats from those wet know, even those these are more/ just as likely. Personally I was taught to 'be flattered' if someone showed an interest in me 🙄so was never taught about boundaries or bodily autonomy

Agree.

Having been sexually assaulted as a teenager in my own home, by an overnight guest, I’d say I totally understand your worry. I won’t have anyone staying in my home that I don’t know and trust 100%, especially with my children at home.