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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to have expected better postnatal care

26 replies

PregnantPumpkin · 02/02/2026 20:16

I'll start by saying that the labour and delivery team were fantastic and I'm beyond grateful for the help they gave in getting my baby here safely.
However am I being unreasonable to have expected better postnatal care?

I was put onto the high risk part of the postnatal ward as I had a postpartum hemorrhage - I wasn't told that I hemorrhaged but one of the midwives left her handover sheet on my bedside table which is where I saw that I had lost over a litre of blood. I also was able to see information about the other women I probably shouldn't have known (fgm, concealed pregnancy and mental health diagnosis of some of the other women). Considering how much blood I lost I was surprised I only got prescribed 2 weeks of iron tablets with no followup bloods.

The lady next to me was Iranian and didn't speak much English, however she had a translator who she rang when asked, some of the staff didn't give her time to ring the translator though and instead spoke louder and spoke down to her.

I had trouble breast feeding, I asked to use the hospital breast pump when I was readmitted as forgot to bring mine in, they never brought it and when I asked for help with feeding technique they either fobbed me off with 'keep going you're doing well' or tried to help for a bit but seemed to get frustrated and leave. Turns out my baby was jaundice and too tired to feed so became dehydrated. I said I would formula feed when I got home, I didn't realise until after I was readmitted that the hospital has formula but they never offered me any to try with my baby despite me repeatedly telling them I didn't think he was feeding enough.

They discharged me without the injections I needed, instead I got a paper prescription and had to go to three pharmacies the day I got home to get the medication I needed.

They queried a heart murmur and wanted a second opinion, I asked if we could go home and come back the next day when it got to 10pm, they said no as it was babies heart. However in the 10 hours or so that had passed between it being queried they hadn't done any observations on him anyway. We ended up being discharged just after midnight.

I had a catheter in to start with and had to ask for it to be emptied when it became painful and I realised the bag was completely full. When they emptied it, another 800ml drained off immediately, no wonder my bladder was sore. They also didn't change the bed sheets each day despite them having blood on them. I waited about 2 hours after asking for pain relief before finding some paracetamol in my handbag and taking that, it wasn't until shift change that the night midwife asked if I needed pain relief. The next day when I asked for ibuprofen they said they'd get it but gave me dihydrocodeine instead.
When we got home the next afternoon the midwives turned up unannounced, they took a blood sample as they were concerned about jaundice and said they would ring that evening with the results. We were worried and waiting, no phonecall overnight so we thought it must mean the levels were ok. Went to the midwife appointment that morning and turns out the levels were high and no one had seen the results.
The main thing that upsets me is that twice they wouldn't let me hold my baby when they took blood samples. He cried so much and when they did let me hold him to take samples he was much less distressed. God even typing that now had made me cry. If it happened now I absolutely would not comply but I was only a few days postpartum, upset and didn't feel strong enough to speak up. I feel so bad about that now .
Sorry that turned into a long post. It just makes me sad that I didn't get better care.

OP posts:
PregnantPumpkin · 03/02/2026 00:52

Would be interesting if the person who has said I am being unreasonable could come back and explain why they think that.
Again I'm very grateful my baby and me are ok, I just wish it was better.

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 03/02/2026 00:59

It definitely sounds like there were things they could have done much better!

Sunflower3000 · 03/02/2026 01:10

My one experience of a postnatal ward was bad, but nowhere near as bad as this - I’m so sorry you got such awful care. As review after review has shown, maternity care is on its knees, and desperately needs more attention. You have every right to be upset and angry about how you and your baby were treated x

1Messycoo · 03/02/2026 02:09

Sorry to read about your poor care when you are so venerable .
I would phone the hospital PALs (Patient Advice and Liaison Services) put what you have written in you post to them
They will or should escalate your concerns to ward manager and look into why you where not dealt with in a ‘patient lead manner’, where you didn’t feel listened to and felt dismissed and was not kept informed of due processes. Also asking for help with breast feeding is vitally important and why was your baby not offered formula. Also seeing notes on patients handover notes is a massive breach of policy!
NHS Midwifery have come under scrutiny the last couple of years and I would suggest in order for this not to happened to another mother you need answers and the Sister in charge needs to know how staff are performing in order to give a better service of care.
We all know the NHS are under a massive strain. I for one know as worked as a HCA,
there are so many staff whom cut corners due to staff shortages, however I would do everything to make sure a patients is first cared for and listened to,
make appropriate arrangements to ensure they where getting the best service of care.
so sorry you’ve had a awful time.
However a huge congratulations to you and the arrival of your baby .

Amba1998 · 03/02/2026 02:17

I completely sympathise and you should have received better care.

This isn’t a but a you are of course not being unreasonable but surely you’ve heard of the huge enquiry going on and the countless stories of other women in the press? Maternity care in this country is poor and there needs significant change so unfortunately I am not surprised by your story

please don’t let it define your early days with your baba. I hope you are both doing ok

you should log it with PALs too. It’s only if this things are logged that people can learn from

Cupboarddoorknob · 03/02/2026 03:41

Yanbu OP, I’m so sorry. Please do log a complaint as others have said. If nobody complains nothing changes. I hope you are able to enjoy your boy in peace now

Trepidfox · 03/02/2026 04:01

Similar experience over 16 years ago. It's heartbreaking as you can see how easily situations can deteriorate rapidly into very serious consequences. Definitely put that complaint in when you are ready, it needs to go on record how lacking your care was and that a review of their department is required. I hope you are both recovering well, it's a scary time when you are vulnerable and relying on professionals to guide and care for you and you have no confidence in their ability to do so.

LavenderBlue19 · 03/02/2026 05:39

I was going to say YANBU anyway because I had a shit experience, but yours sounds worse than mine. I'm sorry that happened to you - it is horrible, you're in no fit state to complain and you don't really know what to expect anyway.

Definitely log it with PALS before you forget/lose your fight. I didn't because everything was too overwhelming and I wish I had now.

PragmaticIsh · 03/02/2026 05:49

I had a very similar experience over ten years ago, including a terrifying lack of delivery care for me or my baby then nothing but incompetence on the postnatal ward. Sent home with someone else's notes (including name, dob address and full medical notes). A catheter that the nurses told me off for filling. Plus a 2l haemorrhage they never told me about, my DH mentioned it months later and I then understood why I'd felt so ill after.

Tamtim · 03/02/2026 06:24

No, you are not being unreasonable. 15 years later I still sometimes feel angry about the postnatal care I and my baby received. It’s an area that seems to be seriously underfunded and understaffed. I’m sorry you also had a crappy experience.

Firstsuggestions · 03/02/2026 06:24

Sending sympathy. My antenatal care was incredible, over and above. I also had amazing support during the birth and couldn't fault it. The postnatal ward was where it fell off a bit of a cliff. I know there are many incredible midwives on this forum, can I ask, it's clear there are systemic issues that need dealt with to support improvements. Is there anything the general public can do in supporting you to push for those changes? Is there something you wish patients knew that would help you in delivering this service?

Before someone says it, I know not all midwives are fantastic and people have absolutely had poor experiences caused by individuals who should not be in this profession. For me, every individual I dealt with was brilliant or fine, no bad apples, it was lack of joined up care, problems in getting medication/taking obs, and things being missed in handover. This sounds like some of the problems op had and points to process issues.

PregnantPumpkin · 03/02/2026 06:24

PragmaticIsh · 03/02/2026 05:49

I had a very similar experience over ten years ago, including a terrifying lack of delivery care for me or my baby then nothing but incompetence on the postnatal ward. Sent home with someone else's notes (including name, dob address and full medical notes). A catheter that the nurses told me off for filling. Plus a 2l haemorrhage they never told me about, my DH mentioned it months later and I then understood why I'd felt so ill after.

God I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's terrible they didn't tell you how much you bled. I wonder what the threshold is for a blood transfusion. Surely that counts as a major haemorrhage

OP posts:
PregnantPumpkin · 03/02/2026 06:29

Amba1998 · 03/02/2026 02:17

I completely sympathise and you should have received better care.

This isn’t a but a you are of course not being unreasonable but surely you’ve heard of the huge enquiry going on and the countless stories of other women in the press? Maternity care in this country is poor and there needs significant change so unfortunately I am not surprised by your story

please don’t let it define your early days with your baba. I hope you are both doing ok

you should log it with PALs too. It’s only if this things are logged that people can learn from

Is it the Shrewsbury maternity inquiry you are talking about? That's my local hospital, and I was in their partner hospital where the maternity services have been moved to. I don't live in either of those towns so I don't think that's outing, I'm rural but they're just my nearest hospital.

OP posts:
lizziedripping98 · 03/02/2026 08:27

Ring & email PALS. So sorry you had such an awful experience. It leaves you feeling so defeated.
When I had my last i had emergency c section. Absolutely horrific from start to finish. Lost consciousness due to losing 1.8lts of blood. Woke up 4hrs later and taken to normal ward.

I was on medication for my mh which interacted with lots of other medication so I had zero painkillers. They did offer paracetamol but that didn't even touch the pain so I politely declined & said save it for someone who needs it.

I was up and about soon as my legs came back working & my catheter was out. The room they put us in was filthy & i asked to go home and they let me so back home 1pm after having him 12pm following day.

Few weeks later I was deathly pale & so exhausted I could barely lift baby to feed him. Went to the drs where they took a full blood count. My blood platelets were almost depleted and my iron was at 2. She was absolutely astounded they never gave me a blood and iron transfusion in hospital.
They also had a student dr try and give me the spinal block. After 6 attempts he finally got it but it's left me with nerve damage in my back which now effects my back, right leg and arm and will need medication & therapy for it my whole life. X

xMonochromeRainbowx · 03/02/2026 11:09

So sorry you had this experience xx

I had the same with my PPHs, with my second I had a PPH of 1.4l after a category 1 EMCS under GA. I originally wasn't even given iron tablets, just expected to get out the bed nearly straight away and look after the baby by myself when husband wasn't there (looking after our eldest who was only 14 months). First time I stood up I nearly fainted and was made to feel like I was massively overreacting. Finally they very reluctantly prescribed iron tablets!

With my third it was even worse as I had an APH of 500ml in the space of a few minutes due to full placental abruption at 31+3. This was after a very hard pregnancy, lots of bleeding, waters broke at 31+1 and then preterm labour. I had another category 1 EMCS and PPH of over 1.8l. I didn't have to look after a baby this time as she was in NICU but instead I had to somehow be making my own way there every day as the midwives 'didn't have time' to be taking me. I was too tired to get back to the maternity ward more than once a day so I just stayed in NICU in the chair nearly all day without really eating anything. And then the C-section cut got infected as well.

They also originally shoved me into a bay with 3 other women straight away who all had healthy full term babies with them while mine was on breathing support in NICU. After I broke down crying they somehow magically found a side room.

My NHS trust was one of the 14 which were investigated. I'm now pregnant with #4 4.5 years later and tbh they have been so much better this time. Last time I was basically gaslighted that I wasn't having an abruption when I started having massive bleeds and contractions at 26 weeks, until they admitted after birth that yes it was an abruption. Also no one took me seriously about me having preterm labour signs because 'your first 2 were full term so no you're definitely not in preterm labour'.

This time I've had big bleeds at 23 and 25 weeks (25+2 today) and each time I've been transferred to a different level 3 NICU hospital just in case of abruption/PPROM/preterm birth again. I've also had a smaller bleed at 24 weeks which quickly stopped but was still checked fully for everything. So it's sad that my last pregnancy and birth had to be so bad for them to actually start caring but I'm happy that this time it's different.

xMonochromeRainbowx · 03/02/2026 11:12

Also I've had cannulas in each time I've had a bleed in this pregnancy just in case I need a blood transfusion - with my last pregnancy when I lost nearly 2l of blood they told my husband that 'she doesn't need a blood transfusion because she's really young and will get over it quickly'!

So think they've definitely improved since being investigated.

LadyDanburysHat · 03/02/2026 11:15

I had not to dissimilar 22 years ago. The NHS wasn't nearly as on it's knees as now either. I had a 3rd degree tear so was on the ward with the c sections etc. I hardly saw any midwives except for medication time. My catheter leaked and I was left soaked for ages, still unable to get up myself at that point. There is so much more. I was desperate to get home to be cared for properly.

NotThatSerious · 03/02/2026 11:20

One thing I check with all hospitals is what rating their maternity care has. There is only one hospital near me that is rated good, the rest are all inadequate basically which is shocking.

sorry you had a bad experience op yes it should have been much better!

Abd80 · 03/02/2026 20:56

Congrats on your baby !
this sounds like absolutely rubbish postnatal care.
are you in England -if so contact PALS- phone the hospital you delivered in and ask to be put through to PALS. explain you wish to feedback in writing on aspects of your care that were distressing and not the high standard you would expect. They’ll direct you with where to send your letter etc.
all written letters must be answered.
make sure you include all the points you’ve put here. Especially not being allowed to hold your baby for blood tests that’s awful. I was allowed to breastfeed my baby through blood tests and it really helped him.
Definitely ask your GP to check your iron levels and prescribe iron supplements for you if you haven’t already.

RedBlueGreenStars24 · 03/02/2026 20:59

My postnatal care was so shit. No one understands how traumatic it is either. Not even my DP, who is sympathetic, but doesn't "get" what a big deal it is to push a baby out and be treated worse than a cow. Really sets you up so badly for the whole post partum experience.

WaryCrow · 03/02/2026 21:02

1 litre of blood lost is not a massive amount to be honest. I lost 1.5l on first delivery. I found having some lucozade around was a good call for a month afterwards if I suddenly got dizzy. Yep you get nothing for that. This is a country that is struggling with basic maternity care let alone anything like postnatal care.

One warning think twice about having another given the state of the NHS. I think I was lucky being abroad for my second, when I had a bigger pph half a dozen blood transfusions, and I was warned not to have any more kids after that.

readingmakesmehappy · 03/02/2026 21:32

Some of this really resonated with me. I asked multiple times for my catheter bag to be emptied, and when no one came to do it I did it myself, and then I got told off for doing that.
My experience of postnatal care was appalling. The way I was spoken to, the length of time I was left, the lack of help or pain relief. It still makes me angry and I’ve never felt warm towards the NHS since.

PregnantPumpkin · 04/02/2026 01:26

WaryCrow · 03/02/2026 21:02

1 litre of blood lost is not a massive amount to be honest. I lost 1.5l on first delivery. I found having some lucozade around was a good call for a month afterwards if I suddenly got dizzy. Yep you get nothing for that. This is a country that is struggling with basic maternity care let alone anything like postnatal care.

One warning think twice about having another given the state of the NHS. I think I was lucky being abroad for my second, when I had a bigger pph half a dozen blood transfusions, and I was warned not to have any more kids after that.

A quick Google shows a blood loss of 500ml is counted as a pph, while 1000ml or over is considered a major pph. I lost 1100ml and only had a starting Hb of 110g/l so already on the low side. Don't downplay other womens shit experiences because your also received shit care.

OP posts:
FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 04/02/2026 01:30

Postnatal care is deeply deeply subpar, I actually don’t think I’ve heard of anyone with a positive story. There’s a culture problem in the NHS whereby it’s apparently acceptable to treat new mums worse than shit. How on earth there isn’t a public enquiry is beyond me.

YANBU and you need to speak to PALS and ask if there is a maternity listening service -many hospitals have these now by way of helping women who’ve experienced trauma and helping improve things

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 04/02/2026 01:33

PregnantPumpkin · 04/02/2026 01:26

A quick Google shows a blood loss of 500ml is counted as a pph, while 1000ml or over is considered a major pph. I lost 1100ml and only had a starting Hb of 110g/l so already on the low side. Don't downplay other womens shit experiences because your also received shit care.

Edited

I lost 1.5 litres of blood with a PPH, and felt like I’d died, I got 2 transfusions- but was asked what i preferred, transfusions or iron tablets. I was so tired I could barely hear and found it so weird that they let me decide!

I can’t believe you didn’t get a transfusion - really shocking!!

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