AIBU to think that there are adults trying to push for an autism diagnosis, that actually have a personality disorder instead?

[surelycantjustbeme]

Someone I know is currently pushing for an adult autism diagnosis. The “autistic traits” she talks about were never present in childhood and seem to have appeared only in adulthood.

From what I’ve read, that pattern can sometimes fit better with something like borderline personality disorder, where there can be a lot of symptom overlap but the difficulties are more tied to relationships, emotions and past environment, and often show more clearly from the teens onwards rather than right through childhood.

I’m posting here because I can’t really talk about this in real life, and I’m genuinely curious whether anyone has come across similar situations. Has anyone seen someone really push the idea that they’re autistic when it doesn’t quite match their history?

For context, this person has always absolutely refused to work or take on any responsibility, and whenever they’re asked to step up, they suddenly lean on “I’m autistic” as the explanation. I obviously can’t diagnose them, but I’m increasingly wondering whether something like a personality disorder might be a closer fit than autism.

Everyone who knows this person knows there have never been any such symptoms in childhood, it's only recently where responsibilities have become a real demand and it's almost being treated as a get out of jail free card.

I know people who have genuinely severely non verbal children, and I also know people who have children with genuine ADHD and are on the spectrum, and the childhood challenges it presents. So please don't read this as me being insensitive in any way.

Am I being unreasonable to think that there could be adults with personality disorders, trying to push for an autism diagnosis instead as it's more widely accepted and better understood.

They haven’t had an assessment and they haven’t been diagnosed. Read the thread. For reasons that have nothing to do with you, and adds no value to this discussion, I am involved as it does impact me. Im
here to learn. Which I am, thanks to this constructive and open discussion.

What makes you think you know better than them as to whether they have autism? It sounds like gatekeeping and the minority who claim some of us diagnosed aren't diagnosed or were diagnosed wrong. They have no evidence that out diagnoses are wrong

What makes you think you know better than them as to whether they have autism?
I have never said I know better than anybody about their autism diagnosis. I’m researching as I have questions. I am allowed to question and I am allowed to have a view. My view could change the better educated I get on the topic. But that’s why I’m here. You clearly know more than me so why not educate others based on the knowledge you have, as opposed to attacking them for asking a question or sharing their view.

It sounds like gatekeeping and the minority who claim some of us diagnosed aren't diagnosed or were diagnosed wrong. They have no evidence that out diagnoses are wrong
And again, I have never said I know better than anybody about their autism diagnosis. And I have never said that someone’s diagnosis is wrong. Again, you’re attacking me because I’m here asking a question and offering my current view.

I asked you to link to your evidence that:-

”there are adults trying to push for an autism diagnosis, that actually have a personality disorder instead”

That’s not my “theory,” as you put it. It’s my current view, hence why I asked, “Am I being unreasonable to think that?” I also explained my situation to give clear context for how I arrived there. Even without scrolling through the whole thread, just reading the original post should make that clear. So, re-read only the original post and please reference which part you believe is ableist?

Nope you’ve not given any evidence or links for your declaration that there are adults trying to push for an autism diagnosis, that actually have a personality disorder instead?

so can we have some please.

Mmm… nope… You clearly only pasted the last part of my question, so it fits your narrative and to make it look like I made the statement of “there are adults trying to push for an autism diagnosis, that actually have a personality disorder instead”

My full question was “Am I being unreasonable to think that there are adults trying to push for an autism diagnosis, that actually have a personality disorder instead?“

I then went on to provide details in the original post of why that’s what I thought based on what’s happening with the person I know.

And your references to my Ableism are? …

So you’re basing your declaration on one person you know with no data or links 😆Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?

I think there will always be people, through sheer statistics, that will exploit what's in front of them for their own gains. It's a hallmark of the more antisocial personality disorders to do just that. We can all, to some degree, sometimes, maybe, exploit a situation to our advantage. It's more a question of degree, opportunity and timing.

This includes diagnosis. There will always be people, say with an antisocially organised personality, or indeed not, who wants an autism diagnosis because it suits their idea of who they are, or it buys them leverage with family, gets people off their back, or it stabilises their sense of self or it gets them extra time in their exams, or extra money, or whatever.

It's not realistic to say these people don't exist. It's what used to be called 'malingering' perhaps. Neither is it ableism to acknowledge it's presence.

The “declaration” you mention is a question 😂 This exchange is ridiculous.

Whether the person the OP knows is exploitative enough to go through the trouble of getting the diagnosis they want which differs from the diagnosis that would suit them the most is an unknown. If it were me and it was at all possible, I would leave well alone. Either way it's a nightmare OP. If they are autistic, and you question it, you risk invalidating their life experience. If they are basically a psychopath, I wouldn't suggest taking them on if you can avoid it! That way madness lies.

Isn’t it just. You start a whole thread that is clearly ridiculous and offensive based on zero data, links or evidence when there is plenty saying exactly the reverse.

I’m stepping away from this exchange and leaving well alone.

Your ignoring of the request for links and evidence is telling.

So, according to you, I should have only come here to this platform after I’d already found the answer myself, gathered all the supporting links, and written a fully cited article explaining why I’m right?

When you’re diagnosing people yourself and dismissing what they themselves actually think or have been told alongside saying something pretty offensive such as there are people pushing for autism who shouldn’t be in order to avoid BPD which is less “socially acceptable” then most definitely yes.

How can you read my questioning about whether it’s a possibility, as me attempting to diagnose anyone? I’ve said more than once here that I’m not in a position to diagnose anyone. You’ve misused quote marks to fit your narrative again, but what I said was that autism was “more widely accepted and better understood”.

Ok, perhaps I shouldn’t have said that, as I don’t know that this is the case. I’ve also said that “ I think that people with personality disorders deserve clearer diagnoses, better support, and far less stigma. More genuine understanding overall.”

Still waiting for your references to where I’ve been Ableist…

And I thought you were stepping away from this exchange and leaving well alone.

I know… I.just.can’t.resist.

To be fair, if you'd posted the second paragraph as a thread starter, this whole thing would've been very different.

The "ableist" part is the impression you give, because - even after I and many others explained at length why it's unreasonable to hold the view you'd put forward to that point - you still said that you're sticking "strongly" to that viewpoint. Specifically, stating that there are definitely autistic people out there who aren't autistic but actually have personality disorders (despite having an autism diagnosis which explicitly precludes any other explanation by definition), but you don't know how many, you haven't given any criteria for how you can tell them from the real autistic people, and you don't even know the diagnostic criteria for autism or the personality disorders you reference. The logical implication, therefore, is that you must suspect every autistic person of actually having a personality disorder instead of their actual diagnosed condition by default until proven otherwise (but there's no way to prove otherwise, because you've already said that you won't accept an actual diagnosis as proof because you don't think it's an accurate enough process).

It's not your words, it's the logical conclusion of the sentiment behind them that's the problem.

At that point, it's invalidating those people's entire lived experience - a position that most of us worked pretty damn hard to get to in the first place, all the while being socially excluded and ridiculed just for being us. Now, not only are we contending with the "You're not really autistic" folk and the "You don't have it as bad as <x> from what I've seen on the outside, so you need to be called something else" people, you've added "There's just something wrong with your personality, you're not autistic at all" too, without any evidence or even a logical train of thought.

All just to exist.

Can you think of any other group of people who get this treatment from society at large? Do you think it's fair?

I get that you're trying to feel your way through this, but the way to get to a position of knowledge in which it's resolved is to start with "I don't know anything" rather than "I don't know anything, but I'm going to keep restating this position every time I get told something new". The former is how science works, the latter is how pseudo-science works.

The "ableist" part is the impression you give, because - even after I and many others explained at length why it's unreasonable to hold the view you'd put forward to that point - you still said that you're sticking "strongly" to that viewpoint.

There is nothing ableist about asking a genuine question about something I’m personally experiencing, especially when speaking with someone I know. At no point have I discriminated against anyone with a disability. From what you’ve written, it seems you’re accusing me of being ableist purely because of my viewpoint. You’ve also misused quotation marks to fit your narrative, since I never claimed I was “strongly” sticking to anything.

Specifically, stating that there are definitely autistic people out there who aren't autistic but actually have personality disorders (despite having an autism diagnosis which explicitly precludes any other explanation by definition), but you don't know how many, you haven't given any criteria for how you can tell them from the real autistic people, and you don't even know the diagnostic criteria for autism or the personality disorders you reference.

You’ve misquoted me to fit your narrative again. I never said that “there are definitely autistic people out there who aren’t autistic but actually have personality disorders despite having an autism diagnosis.”

What I actually said was that I believe some people may pursue an autism diagnosis rather than addressing other factors that could explain certain traits. My perspective isn’t based on statistics, it’s based on personal experience and observations of someone close to me. It’s a personal view formed through lived experience.

The logical implication, therefore, is that you must suspect every autistic person of actually having a personality disorder instead of their actual diagnosed condition by default until proven otherwise (but there's no way to prove otherwise, because you've already said that you won't accept an actual diagnosis as proof because you don't think it's an accurate enough process).

You say that I must suspect every autistic person of actually having a personality disorder until proven otherwise, which is not what I’ve said or implied. You’re putting words in my mouth.

It's not your words, it's the logical conclusion of the sentiment behind them that's the problem.

It’s not my words “it’s the logical conclusion of the sentiment behind them that’s the problem.” That argument doesn’t hold up. Sorry.

At that point, it's invalidating those people's entire lived experience - a position that most of us worked pretty damn hard to get to in the first place, all the while being socially excluded and ridiculed just for being us. No
All just to exist.

By holding this viewpoint and exploring it further, I am not invalidating anyone’s lived experience. I’m simply asking a question, one that some people seem unwilling to even consider. That’s their choice, and I respect it. But that doesn’t mean others can’t engage in open, sincere inquiry.

I understand that you may find it difficult to approach this objectively, and that’s fair. But please don’t attack someone for being curious and asking a valid question.

I asked the question in good faith. I’m open to all perspectives, but accusing me of being ableist simply for that isn’t fair or accurate.

Can you think of any other group of people who get this treatment from society at large? Do you think it's fair?

No, I can’t, because I don’t know of any other condition with such a broad spectrum, where self-identification can apply even for many many years.

I get that you're trying to feel your way through this, but the way to get to a position of knowledge in which it's resolved is to start with "I don't know anything" rather than "I don't know anything, but I'm going to keep restating this position every time I get told something new". The former is how science works, the latter is how pseudo-science works.

If you read this thread in full, you’ll see that I’ve consistently approached with, “I don’t know everything, but here’s where I’m coming from, and I’m open to learning.”

Thank you for sharing.
I think "It's not realistic to say these people don't exist." is key here.

Not really, that's just common sense. People have exploited bad backs, car crash whiplash etc for a long time. It's the scope that's relevant and you don't really have a handle on that re what you're speculating on.

Ok thanks, fair point.

I guess my current view is that there will inevitably be some people who choose to self‑identify in ways that aren’t entirely truthful when there are benefits attached to it, even if those “benefits” are things like having an excuse not to work, or using a label to get into or out of certain situations or responsibilities. Especially when they can sit in that self identification status for up to 15 years.

That’s absolutely not me saying that everyone who self‑identifies is faking it, but I do think it’s realistic to accept that some people will. And in my view, if you refuse to acknowledge that possibility at all, it’s often because it feels like a personal attack, as if you’re being lumped in with the worst examples, especially when you all sit somewhere along the same spectrum, making it hard to separate yourself from the chancer (even though you shouldn’t have to justify anything and already have more than enough to deal with and battles to fight with people with views like mine. Which, no, I don't feel is fair at all, but the system is how it is and not everyone has to agree or be bullied into agreeing with how it is).

I know this might sound quite black‑and‑white, but that’s how I work things through logically.

Sorry, I think I missed this earlier. You said, and I quote, “you’ve added ‘There’s just something wrong with your personality, you’re not autistic at all’ too, without any evidence or even a logical train of thought.”

The way you’ve framed this perfectly illustrates the point I’ve been making and actually reinforces my current perspective. As these were never my words, these were in fact yours. By suggesting that being diagnosed with a personality disorder is somehow less favourable, you’ve echoed the perception that “there’s just something wrong with your personality.” Which I sense contributes massively why we’re here having this discussion. The fact that these are your words, not mine, is quite telling and adds significant weight to my view.