How much affection is enough

[Howmuchisenough]

NC for this one as could be a bit outing.

OH and I have had some difficulties over the last few years (not going to drip feed, just for context to say it's not been straightforward).

Obviously OH has now realised how fantastic I am and what a dick he's been. However, it's made him very affection needy.

I get the psychology of it - he's wanting validation that we're okay, but it's really becoming a bit much. Can't go in/out of a room he's in without a hug and a kiss, HAVE to be holding hands if we're sat watching TV, always got a hand on my back/neck if we're stood. I know it sounds like nothing, but it's ALL THE TIME and I'm finding it a little bit much - I like my space. We've been together over 20 years and it's only the last year or so he's been like this, so it's a massive shift. If I say anything, he gets offended.

So give it to me straight

YABU - just give the fella some love
YANBU - hands off, personal space is important

It's still all about him, as I assume it ever was.

You have to ask for what you need though.

I’d be a bit suspicious honestly. Suddently realising out of the blue that he’s been a dick and seeking reassurance sounds sus. There will have been a catalyst, any idea what that was?

It would irritate me though, even if I was innocent. YANBU.

How did you get him to agree that everything was his fault?
Obviously OH has now realised how fantastic I am and what a dick he's been. However, it's made him very affection needy.

was that part of the issue? That he wasnt being attentive enough?

Without knowing hwat those complex difficulties were, all anyone can get from the bit you posted was: DH expects me to tolerate unwanted physical affection from him at all times and gets offended if I voice my own preferences on the matter.

Any woman even half way feminist can help you decide who IBU here.

No, it was never a lack of affection issue.

It was more of a lack of respect/lack of contribution to the home issue

I wouldn't be that contrary to ask for my affection and then complain when I got it

Did he have an affair? That would explain why he was previously stand offish and now overcompensating

Probably me tellling him that if he didn't stop being a dick he would have to leave

Maybe I haven't been completely clear - sorry guys

I didn't want more attention - that wasn't the dick like behaviour. I didn't really want to get all caught up in what his dickish behaviour was (which is probably worthy of several threads on its own). I told him it needed to stop or he had to go.

The side effect of that action seems to be me getting pawed at every 5 minutes which is doing my box in.

20 years one thing now suddenly a change how long do you think that will last?

No, not an affair

Hopefully, not very long but it doesn't seem to be stopping

Pre children I was very affection needy like your DH, but now I have three kids and someone is constantly touching me, not so much. I feel bad for DH because now I know what it’s like to have someone try and climb into your skin lol.

If I were you I would tell him it’s too much. Set time aside for a cuddle and reconnect at the end of the day but the constant touching throughout the day is too much. Explain you get that he wants reassurance, but he needs to get that in other ways like verbally.

it sounds like nothing, but it's ALL THE TIME

it doesn’t sound like nothing but sounds very claustrophobic and I’d want to claw my skin off. It also sounds like he’s trying to show ownership as you would a dog.

is your marriage in a place where you can say calmly how it makes you feel. Can you take up knitting on the sofa whilst watching telly? Or buy him a fidget toy. Or say ‘it’s sweet you want to hold hands whilst watching the telly but I don’t want to tonight’

Time to have a serious chat and ask him to take it down a notch.

I mean I would live inside my husbands skin if I could, so I’m not best placed to answer. What does he do/say when you tell him to give you some space etc?