Thinking about taking my daughter out of gymnastics

[CheeryAquaRaven]

My dd has been doing gymnastics for three years and was moved from recreational into a competitive squad however since this point it’s been very much downhill. She’s been through 4 different coaches including a change just before a competition while communication from the club about all of this has been awful. They then decided to move the groups around, with the manager of the club clearly favouring the group she teaches at the expense of my dd’s group who were all put back down into recreational activities. I could understand if just my dd was moved but not the whole group, as such it feels like we have been manipulated into additional hours on the premise of being in a squad just to fund the gym and the kids they favour. They have also progressed very little so I object to the time, money and effort it takes to attend. The problem is that my dd has made really good friends there and doesn’t want to leave. I am therefore having a dilemma, do I pull my dd out of the club as they clearly do not care and just want the money or let her stay with the friends she loves? I have also raised concerns with the club which just seems to have made things worse. I personally, would like to find a gym that specialises in recreational gymnastics and treasures the kids that want to do this but dd would be devastated to leave people and have to build friendships all over again.

I’d probably stay if my daughter enjoyed it and wanted to be there. I always told my now adult children when they were going through clubs, the minute it isn’t fun, we stop doing it. I left out the important facts of “if it’s not fun we definitely don’t need to be doing it because my money and time is better spent elsewhere and I’m also very very very tired” . They didn’t need to know that part. But then I was really not very invested in my kids clubs….sure… we turned up, they’d have fun, go through belts for karate, I’d shout encouragement from the sidelines for football and swimming, I’d turn out in all weathers for rugby, I’d sit in the audience with my proudest smile in every drama thing…you know, I was a full, active supporting mum. It then also I don’t have a competitive bone in my body (much to my husband’s disgust to this day!) I wouldn’t care what the coaches were doing or who was in whose group….maybe just turn up for the fun of your daughter and not be so invested in it

If your daughter enjoys it then stay. The main point of having a hobby is that you like going there and doing it, that it enriches your life. If it does that for her then it's money well spent. All of the sniping over teams/progress/coaches etc. is adult nonsense.

Were you expecting her to become a professional gymnast? If not it's just for fun and if she likes going that's great. If you can't afford it that's a different question. Is it cheaper again now they have been moved down, if not I would complain about that.

It entirely depends on what your DD wants. If the friendships are the key, and she loves it, then stick with it and try to ignore the irritations.

If however your DD is keen to compete then find another club, ask your DD if she wants to try out, and take it from there. You don’t have to pull her out of her current gym while you do that.

We moved our DD to a different gym so she could join a squad and start competing because her first club was small and not set up for entering competitions. DD was keen to make the move although very nervous at first at being somewhere new - wouldn’t have done it unless she really wanted it.

Your daughter enjoys it and loves going and has friends there. Isn't that enough? Surely a hobby or activity outside of school is supposed to be enjoyable.

So she doesn't want to leave? If that is the case then I personally wouldn't even consider pulling her out of something that she loves with friends she enjoys being with.

I pulled my DD out of gymnastics but only because she really wasn’t enjoying it any more (also a competitive team). If she’s enjoying it and has nice friends I’d keep her there. She may find in time that she isn’t progressing as fast as the others/is getting a bit bored, and wants to give it up herself.

My now grown up niece was in the squad for commonwealth games (back in the 00's) and quit because it wasn't fun. Weekend boot camps, being shouted at, trying to do schoolwork while doing training all the time. Wasn't for her as it wasn't fun anymore. She just called from the weekend squad and said "this isn't fun, I quit, pick me up"

She was so good but did it to enjoy it. Thats the key. My brother and sil were not pushy they had other children and activities to facilitate but supported her.

She scaled back to weekly training for the enjoyment and never looked back.

Key really is supporting your child while they enjoy it. So I think thats your question to her.

My dd would do well at gymnastics but put off by competitive sqauds recreational would be great.

Surely the point is for your daughter to enjoy it and have fun, so YABU.

Can't imagine why you'd take her out if she enjoys it, has friends, and doesn't want to leave!?

Tbh I did a sport as a teen and was really disillusioned because I clearly wasn't going to be national level so I quit! I often wished my DM had helped me see the benefits of doing it for the sake of it, for fun, for friends etc (tbf to her she may have just been sick of facilitating which I can blame her for!).

I was all set to suggest finding a different club until you said she still enjoyed it and had good friends there. I think that’s really important.

My own DD is a competitive gymnast and moved clubs about 2 years ago. She has absolutely thrived at her new place. Much more than her previous club who demonstrated many of the same issues you mention. But it came from her, not me.

What does your daughter want? Is she happy to have a fun hobby and see her friends or does she aspire to be a competitive gymnast?

Take her for a trial at a different club. I moved dd2 dance school and it’s the best thing we have ever done

It's frustrating to be paying for coaching that she's not getting. But does she actually want to be in the Taking It Seriously environment?

I imagine the group that is with the owner/manager might've been from the most advanced individuals, and the other group hasn't progressed as well because of the changes in coaching staff. So the reshuffle might not be about favoritism.

I'd probably let her choose which she'd like. If possible, ask her coaching if her group will be included in all competitions.

I would let your daughter stay where she is as long as she is happy - you were ok with the cost and logistics when the switch was initially made.

The point of it surely is her enjoyment and wellbeing rather than progress and competition, or it certainly should be.

You aren't being unreasonable, and disclaimer; I have a bug up my ass about this topic as a former competitive gymnast myself - I know things have moved on but it was very image-focused, cruel and rife with eating disorders, and I don't think the culture has changed as much as people would like to think.

I was conflicted about my own daughter doing gymnastics, I did allow her the choice to try it but was relieved when it wasn't for her.

I would only ever want it to be about enjoyment and fun, not competition because it has a really ugly side that can be very damaging to young girls.

Eventually I had to quit because I started to go through puberty, and my coach told me that wasn't compatible with my sport, so I could either lose (even more) weight or leave. I chose life.

I think if she's doing it for fun and friendship then keep her there. She may eventually change her mind. I wouldn't be willing to pay for the competitive squad/extra training etc if she wasn't bothered about that element and there is that weird favoritism going on. Life's too short for that.

It sounds like you are currently paying for additional training sessions and coaching on the basis of moving up to a squad that has now been discontinued? And that the recreational group she enjoyed before was doing less hours/costs less.

If that is the case, I think I would be tempted to find out if she can continue but drop hours to what she was doing before, since she is enjoying it but not getting the coaching/competition benefit your extra fees/hee extra hours?

Is there not enough coaches to teach squads?
What age group?

I should qualify that my dd loves it because of the kids she is with but she does get upset to not be learning the same as the others as well as frustrated. I would be happy for her to go recreationally too but the club have sort of trapped us with the promise of great teaching, hence the prices, which are extortionate and telling the kids they are part of something, which they clearly are not to pile on the parent guilt. Anyway thanks all for the clarity, it’s made me see that there are clubs that are more reasonably priced, offer the same and it’s for fun, and that’s where we need to be, not dreading going in due to the ridiculous adult politics of the place xxx