AIBU mums milestone birthday

[livingthenotebook]

NC for this, mum has dementia, coming up is a milestone birthday and I have just found out my SB has booked a holiday and is taking her and his dad away, apparently did not register it was going to be her birthday, me and my other sibling have only just found out as we were planning on doing something.

For context, our SB was off the scene for a lot of years and only over the last fews years has he resurfaced. I do not trust this man one little bit, I don't trust his motifs. He says he is trying to help, which he has, but has practically took over and is getting involved with banks, financial advisors, has copies of all their finances, stocks, bonds, everything to 'help them out for when my mum needs to go in a home'. Trying to sort out LPOA but dads digging his heels in and don't think mum has capacity to sign it.

I've asked him to move the dates and he's said no. I just feel like this is another way to take control.

AIBU? Should I just suck it up and let them enjoy the holiday or should I stop sobbing (which i have been doing since I found out) and kick off

If you are concerned over whether he is acting in both of their interests then I would seek legal advice on that aspect.

Regarding the holiday, it's booked now so just make arrangements for a different day. Milestone birthdays don't always fall on a convenient day anyway (if you work and it's a weekday for example) so just pick a date before or after they go away to celebrate with your mum.

Do something for her when they get back, important birthdays deserve to be stretched out anyway. He didn’t know it was her birthday, so not sure he can be accused of doing it out of spite, it might just be the only time he has leave.

Why was he off the scene?

As for the finances, do your parents have a Will? LPOA is really important in these situations, especially if someone ends up lacking capacity, so you as siblings, need to crack on with getting them to sign.

Its a long story, but they were NC for about 4 years for something SB did. I tolerate him for dads sake but I have not forgiven them and mum doesn't like him. Always been selfish and entitled.

You can celebrate the milestone birthday before or after the holiday, I am not seeing the issue with that really.

The financial/control issue does need addressing urgently. Make sure you have copies of everything too and work on your dad to establish the LPOAs. You can pay an independent to do this which might be a good idea. Then insist that you have a joint financial advisor and that you are aware/invited to any meetings on this.

Time to step up and take some control back.

Accept the birthday.

has practically took over and is getting involved with banks, financial advisors, has copies of all their finances, stocks, bonds, everything

This is more concerning. Don't be a passenger in this situation and then find out that your parent has signed something and he has full control. Do something sooner rather than let it continue.