AIBU to want no contact with in laws?

[OneRoseLion]

After a haemorrhage and 2nd-degree tear I said no visitors. My MIL/FIL ignored this, invited people over when my baby was 1 day old, and FIL kissed my newborn despite being told not to.

MIL/SIL repeatedly barged into my bedroom while I was breastfeeding/recovering, showed relatives my baby without consent, shared my pregnancy early, spread lies about my labour, and SIL told people I had PPD (I didn’t).

I was forced to stand up with stitches so BIL could see the baby, pressured into visitors I’d refused, and constantly undermined (told my 75th percentile baby was “too skinny”, I had “no milk”, and that it was “good” my newborn got sick).

They allowed lots of visitors and children around my newborn. My baby was later hospitalised with rhinovirus. FIL said it “wasn’t fair” people didn’t get to meet the baby despite my haemorrhage. SIL also made inappropriate comments about my sex life.

I now have nothing to do with my in-laws. My son only sees them briefly when with his father — I’m not present.

AIBU?

No I don’t live with them. They just imposed themselves on us from the moment my baby was born.

Yet you're the one who - Was pressurised by my MIL who begged and pleaded for me to stand up and hold my baby and take him to see her son.
My partner and MIL used the excuse that my BIL was severely depressed and that this would make him feel better.
Me being postpartum, poorly and obviously trying to keep others happy, stupidly gave in even though I had said no repeatedly.

Why would you give in, just say, no I am not doing it, I am poorly, in pain etc! If BIL was that bothered surely he would come to you??

How long ago was this?

😂

Love this, well done, OP.

Sorry this happened to you. I am South Asian and I think you were treated very badly by your partner and his family. In South Asian culture, a post-partum mother is usually cossetted in bed for days, and waited on hand and foot. It seems your partner's family conveniently forgot that cultural expectation.

You are right to go low contact, protect yourself first and foremost, you owe these people nothing.

YANBU.
Don't be scared and tell them to fuck themselves.
If they don't listen, raise your voice.
If they still don't listen, (use your fist) go no contact.
Don't worry.

Cultural factors 100%. I know from experience. If your DP doesn't have what it takes to stand up to his family, and insulate you from this, you are in for a rough ride. I'm sorry!

You maybe need to chanel some of my thinking towards your in-laws

YABU by posting a list of reasons people should support your decision and then using the vote function and expecting it to be a realistic outcome. Why don't you try telling the story from their perspective as well? People will always get the answers they want on these polls if they're only showing one side of things.

I've read all your posts.

Cultural factors are strongly at play. He isnt willing to stand up for you so there is zero hope.

Do NOT marry this guy.

This family wont improve.
He wont improve.

Your choices are basically: accept this is it or leave him.

Thank you for your reply. I’m just glad to be rid of them now tbh, I have no reason to keep in contact with them

Op, can you take LO, and go to your mums on a visit. Then call your dh and make it absolutely clear that you will not return home until the ILs have left.

Tell him you expect him to grow a spine and back you up, by the time you get home.

Otherwise your life is going to be never ending hell.