How to emotionally regulate yourself?

[Emottion]

Almost 40 and still struggle. Can’t afford therapy but would love to be able to do this. I think it would be life changing actually.

I need to be in nature to regulate myself. Even just a walk round the block in fresh air can help. Trees even more so. Brisk walk or a run. No screens, no people.

It’s a combination of things. It’s not something you only do during crises, you have to have good habits in the calmer times that make the crises times easier.

Do all the breathing and yoga and gratitude and mindfulness throughout the day, so that when drama arrives you are fit to manage it,
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Stop trying to live on the edge, get into the safe zone.

Look up some techniques from DBT, especially the ‘distress tolerance’ ones. Try them even if they sound a bit nonsensical!

I've certainly struggled with this. I have had therapy, not for this specifically but I learnt some good tips.
You will be able for find more online I am sure but a couple of good ones for me:

• Having various strong emotions is normal, you don't need to try and avoid the feelings or push them away or do things to try and get rid of them.

• Getting angry at people, crying etc can be ways of getting rid of uncomfortable feelings.

• Instead, try and cope with the feeling, imagine it as a wave which will grow, crest and then decline.

• If you are feeling overwhelmed, try box breathing ( look it up). Also centre yourself in the current moment. Name to yourself 5 things you can see, 3 you can hear, 1 you can smell or taste. This and the breathing can help with overwhelming emotions, and anxiety.

I hope this is helpful.

I find excercise helpful or even just going for a walk.
I find it really important to take some time away from any situation where I realise im having an extreme reaction, before deciding on any course of action. I would then try to think through what has triggered the extreme reaction and how I might address that issue.
I have discovered that a lot of the time its about meeting your own needs. Are you tired? Hungry? Cold etc etc this seems really basic but cab effect your ability to regulate emotions massively so always consider those things and addresing those first if you can.
I attend a mindfulness session every week which I find helpful.
Just basically about focusing your attention away from your own thoughts. Finding states that make you feel calm.

I find talking to myself in words in my head like im a separate person often helps.

Such as 'you are feeling very extreme anger right now do you know why? Its because my husband ignored me when I was speaking to him. Why has that made you so angry? It reminds me of my childhood. It makes me feel unloved and rejected. I feel humiliated and worthless. Do you think your husband meant to hurt you? No but he did. What do you think you could do? I could calmly tell him he has hurt me. Are you prepared that he may not be able to make you feel better as he may be in a bad mood himself and may not give you the validation you need? No I think that would make me more angry. Then what could you do? I could leave the situation and stand outside and look at the trees waving in the wind until I feel calmer. Im not really angry im sad. Im also tired and hungry. I dont want to make things worse by behaving in an angry way and saying things I dont mean. It wont make me feel better in the long run' etc etc

That often helps to just talk really simply through to myself what is happening
Doesn't always work.
I find it have to have awareness before hand about what might cause me to be unregulated and make plans to tackle that.
I know I struggle with crowds, loud noise, heat, waiting for things in line or buses or appointments, having to interact with strangers etc
So id make plans for what id do if I start to get distressed.

Another thing I looked into was body positions and sensations. So it can help to behave physically in a calm way. Such as relaxing your shoulders, having open palms, sucking a sweet or chewing something, slow breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth etc

Walking is incredibly powerful for this. I've been in and out of therapy for years and hands down, regular walking, all weathers. Nothing beats it. Easier said than done if your life around it doesn't facilitate it perfectly but I find if you try, you can find spots in the day, early, late, whenever, to just throw on your trainers and pound the streets. It relieves stress (believe me I have a lot!), is good for your physical and mental health, is good exercise and it also tires you out a bit so should help with sleep (which for me is really key to stay regulated). I've been getting into audio books and quite literally rambling the roads for miles at a time. I live in a built up area too so it's not like I'm out getting great views or getting to be in nature. It's just the movement, the sense of purpose, no one needing anything from me in that time. I love it.

Do all the basic self care - vitamins and gut health and sleep and diet and exercise.

talk to good friends and be in nature and keep a journal - focus your thoughts and catch bad ones out and replace with kinder ones

I second DBT! Coming from someone with a lifelong history with therapy & poor emotional regulation. It's been amazing.
Of course, like anything, you have to work at it though.

When its in the moment and dealing with feeling overwhelmed I use Chatgbt to get thoughts down and usually get some useful advice which helps de-escalate emotions and give some clarity.
Exercise helps manage general well-being and if I'm ruminating over stuff I do some baking/ cooking as following a recipe works as a diversion for me.

Interested in what DBT is, can someone explain? thanks in advance