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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My Neighbour is 'borrowing' my whole CD collection

66 replies

ultimatewoman · 14/06/2008 16:55

We have very nice staunchly christian next door neighbours. One day the husband asked to 'borrow' a 'few' of my husband's quite extensive cd collection and we of course agreed - no problem.

It transpires the next door neighbour is copying them to his MP3 player and has now been into the house on numerous occasions returning the 'few' and then asking to borrow a 'few' more. He has now borrowed hundreds of pounds worth and I'm not over happy about it but feel it would be out of place to say no.

What to do.....

OP posts:

DarthVader · 14/06/2008 18:43

I think you should ask for some favours back - nobody likes a one-way relationship, no wonder you feel taken advantage of.

alicet · 14/06/2008 20:21

I don't think there is anything wrong with him copying your cds as long as he would lend you some if you asked.

However, if you begrudge it just say no, or 'you've borrowed them all now!'

Think you'd be being a bit tight though although I can see where you are coming from. If I wanted to borrow cds to copy I would actually be upfront about it and ask, and I would be perfectly happy to lend mine out too.

KerryMum · 14/06/2008 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ultimatewoman · 14/06/2008 20:33

"I think the issue here is that you've spent gobs of money on cds and resent the fact that they are getting them absolutely free?"

Yes that, and the teensiest irritation at someone with profoundly held christian beliefs apparently happy to copy shed-loads of music gratis.....I don't do it myself as it just feels morally wrong yet he does'nt bat an eye.

I initially agreed because I had no idea they were being copied.

OP posts:

KerryMum · 14/06/2008 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cosima · 14/06/2008 20:42

tell him your friend is a musician and would he mind contributing something to the musicians union.

I think its a cheek, although he may just be thinking of landfill.

Have you got any demonic music?

Failing that Stone him

cornflakegirl · 14/06/2008 21:12

If it's the copyright thing that bugs you, then tell him you're not comfortable with what he's doing, and that if he keeps copying them, you're not prepared to lend him any more. Nicely, obviously - but hopefully as a christian he would respect your ethical position, even if he doesn't share it. (Although, as a christian myself, it baffles me when other christians don't seem to think it's important...)

If it's the cheapskate thing, personally I wouldn't make a thing of it. It's not like he's wearing out the CDs - save it up as a favour to call in later!

(Just a thought, as an attempt to be charitable - it may be that he's copying stuff so that he can work out what he likes without hogging your CDs, and he's going to buy them himself later? Possible gullible emoticon needed )

DabblingInDisaster · 14/06/2008 21:17

tell him to download limewire and get them all for free himself....

Triathlete · 14/06/2008 21:42

just keep lending him the same five cds..

laura032004 · 14/06/2008 21:48

I wouldn't personally be bothered by this. We have a massive DVD collection, but will lend out to anyone who wants to borrow them. Same with our music collection, but I know that the friends we lend to would happily reciprocate. Maybe that's why it feels fine? I'm currently working my way through a friends book collection. AIBU?

ecoworrier · 15/06/2008 11:57

But Laura, I presume you're just reading your friend's books, not copying them for your own use and to keep?

I see no problem with borrowing anything - books, CDs, DVDs - to use as a one-off. However, copying them for your own use is illegal and dishonest and just morally wrong. If someone really wants to own their own copy, they should pay for it.

Flightybitchreturns · 15/06/2008 12:04

Maybe say you hadn't realised he was copying them, and you would rather he didn't - say you don't mind at all if he just wants to listen to them and return them, but copying is something you're not comfortable with and also mention that your BIL or someone is involved with the campaign against whatever, and had commented about what was happening, and you had promised him you would mention it. If after that he can't see he is putting you in an awkward position, he is a nut and needs avoiding - get a door viewer

Flightybitchreturns · 15/06/2008 12:04

Sorry my default position is always 'blame someone else' even if I have to invent them

partaria · 15/06/2008 12:17

If you want to stay friendly but still say no (because I would; he's being dishonest) I'd say next time:
"Sorry X. No can do. Dh's ipod has crashed and he needs to spend a bit of time sorting it out again. he's really fed up because as you know we have LOADS of CDs and so much of the music was on that ipod and now he's got to upload it all again. But hey, it's lucky it's all our own stuff isn't it ? So at least he doesn't need to go to the library/ buy the whole collection and totalyy start over..."

laura032004 · 15/06/2008 15:54

ecoworrier - yes, but you only read a book once (usually), so by borrowing a copy, you are effectively depriving the author etc of their profits by you not buying your own copy.

salsmumspartner · 15/06/2008 16:39

tell him to download, free, from Limewire.

iCod · 15/06/2008 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ecoworrier · 15/06/2008 17:08

Not true here Laura - perhaps we're odd. We often re-read books! But yes, my analogy applies more to CDs.

It's a subject I've always felt strongly about, and even more so now that two of my children are very keen to try to make a career out of music, one as a performer and one as a composer/arranger.

To me there will always be a difference between borrowing a CD just to listen to a group or album, and copying that CD which will be yours 'for ever'.

LissyD · 15/06/2008 17:14

can he not just bit torrent them? An album comes down in about 20 minutes, so I reckon it would be easier then always borrowing yours...Our pc is on all night every night getting our music and films

Original poster

ultimatewoman · 15/06/2008 17:21

Thanks for the suggestions. Think I'll try a jokey "You must have copied them all by now I think!" and see if he takes the hint...

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 15/06/2008 17:29

Any albums out there called "You cheeky git"?

Original poster

ultimatewoman · 15/06/2008 18:14

Any albums out there called "You cheeky git"?

Brilliant!....I do have 'Lets get stoned' by the Rolling Stones in reference to an earlier post by Cosima....but he's unlikely to want to borrow that one.

OP posts:

Flashman · 15/06/2008 18:38

Limewire - full of virus - use a torrent to download music!!

Meandmyjoe · 15/06/2008 18:46

Shit, do you live next door to me?? lol.

In all honesty, it really wouldn't bother me as long as I knew the favour would be returned.

I lend my neighbour cd's, she lends me dvds, that sort of give and take is essential I think.

However, I don't copy my neighbour's CDs, it wouldn't bother me if they told me that's what they were doing, but it would if they were dishonest about it.

Having said that, dh is a policeman so I'm not allowed to copy anything or have any pirate dvds. sob!

BBBee · 15/06/2008 18:51

there is good advice on here, esp along the lines of investing in a copy of "cradle of filth."

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