To go away just me and DC

[AnotherHolidayOne]

Hi everyone, I need a reality check.
I have one DC and two DSC (15 and 17). We are all going away together for one week this February half-term. However, the DSCs have a two-week break. Since I have a flexible work schedule and separate finances, I’ve floated the idea of taking just my DC to Spain or Portugal for a few days during that second week.
The 17-year-old is currently revising for finals and likely wouldn't want to come anyway. My DP is worried that his ex will complain about his kids being "left out," even though we’re already doing a full family week first.
Am I being unreasonable for wanting this 1-on-1 time with my child, or is the high-conflict history with the ex clouding our judgment?

They’re getting one on one time with their dad. They’re not being left out.

If he’s that arsed he can take them away.

I think it's really normal for you to want time with your DC. It's absolutely fair, especially on the basis that your DSC are having that break with you anyway. Enjoy your break!

My DP is worried that his ex will complain about his kids being "left out

Then your DP is free to take DSC away while you take your DC away

Thanks all.
Obviously it’s years and years of being told what a terrible person you are so anything so sometimes you question yourself.
Ultimately the last thing I want to do is destabilise DSC so close to exams but I really don’t think he cares!

You aren’t under any obligation to take DSC away.

You can take your DC away in the same way that DSC's mum can take her DC away if she chooses. It's trickier if your DH is Involved, although that doesn't mean it should be banned, but not the scenario here. I also doubt a 17yo will be put off his exams by his SM and half-sibling being away for a few days.

Thanks all!

Have some time with your DC. DSC will likely not care so much, and you can always do something nice which includes them at a later date. Are they all really close, or would DC like time away from step siblings?

Why don’t you invite DSC? Then if they choose to stay home, no one is upset about them being left out.

I really want 121 time with my child!
There is also the additional cost which I wouldn’t cover and I’m not sure my DP would want to cover it.

The trouble with inviting them though is that they might say yes.

OP, yanbu. You’re absolutely allowed quality time with your own children, the same way dsc’s mum is allowed time with hers. If she kicks up a fuss then you can always remind her that she can take her kids away too if she feels sorry for them. And your dp needs to stop worrying about what she’s going to say about a choice that another mum has made for her children. He’s not going, so he’s not going without his older kids, so it’s not a full family holiday. So his ex hasn’t got a leg to stand on, and he needs to remind her about that.

Will SDC be staying in your house while you are away with your DC? If so, can you frame it that you are taking your younger DC away to leave the older DSC to revise in peace?

If they are not in the house during that period then it seems unnecessary to worry.

As others have said, your DH or their DM are free to take them away if they want.

I have friends who take their kids away individually for long weekends etc., so that each child gets a bit of time on their own with a parent and the opportunity to do what they want exclusively for a couple of days. There is nothing wrong with this - it just gets blurred with blended families and you can spend so much time trying to keep everyone happy, that you end up not doing things.

Go and enjoy.

You have two kids ¯\(ツ)/¯

How is that math mathing?

Is this masking 'I'd really prefer you not leave me to take care of my own children '? Are you a regular skivvy in the home?

Pleaaaase take this time with your child, without guilt! How old is your child?

If your husband was coming too, and you were leaving SC at home alone, then that’d be another question. But you’re not!

Me and DH have 2 children together. Sometimes we take one away with both of us and we’ve each taken them away separately- one child with one parent etc. (also do family holidays…)
All fine. No hard feelings with anyone. Appreciate that ‘blended families’ may throw up more issues but I think it’s absolutely OK for you to take your DC away.

Oh sorry, you have 3 kids. Take them all on holiday.

When is the ex offering to take your child on her family holiday, so that they won't be 'left out'?
When that happens is when you should feel obliged to invite your step children on your solo holiday with just your child. Until then, crack on.

It’s fine. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I take my dc away solo and independent of each other. In fact, I’m taking my 13 year old away next week to Spain and leaving her brother home (he recently had a separate trip of his own). Their dad can plan to take them away whenever is a better time around revision time tables.

Sounds like a lovely idea. Do it and enjoy it !

YANBU.

A bit sad for your DC if they can’t spend 121time with their own mother…!