Lying colleague - AIBU and what would you do?

[Nosugartinysplashmilkplease]

I started a new job a few months ago. I had some suspicions from the start but now confirmed my colleague is lying about everything. Confirmed examples include their age, qualifications, family background, town they live, why they’re late everyday, that another colleague asked them out, that they can’t work set days and many many excuses for not doing their job. They’ve been in post a year.

I’ve had a convo with my line manager who is also aware and had run this past hr but hr is not interested. I’m getting headaches from the stress of working with this bullshitter, I do not trust a word that comes out their mouth and do not trust them to do their job. We need to work closely together and they just make pathetic excuses why they’ve not done their job all the time.

AIBU?

Yes - get over it, it’s only work
No - it undermines and destroys working relationships

I’d like to hear your stories and what you did.

Confirmed examples include their age, qualifications, family background, town they live,

> how do you know?
> if lying about qualifications then possibly an employment breach but the rest sounds petty

why they’re late everyday, that another colleague asked them out, that they can’t work set days and many many excuses for not doing their job
> the lateness and lack of work you can raise with your manager

set days, manager needs to handle without you
another colleague asked them out? Doesn’t seem like a situation you should involve yourself in

Not RTFT but are you public sector?

I’m retired now but I started a new job on the same day as a girl who told me she didn’t have any of the qualifications she’d put on her application and told the HR dept not to bother contacting her school because she’d already done that and they’d lost their records of her exam results. So they didn’t. Utter scamming liar. Then we had one in the office (still there I believe) who pretended she suffered from migraines but this was in fact devastating hangovers. Lied and bullshitted about all aspects of her life. Deeply disturbed woman.

I worked with someone like this many years ago (in fact I’m wondering if it is the sent person due to the similarities!!)

At first everyone just rolled their eyes at the lies and thought they were relatively harmless until they became increasingly more serious. The person in question gave false feedback on a new colleague which resulted in them not passing probation and losing their job, several more colleagues left as a result of the increasing seriousness of their lies (HR also totally uninterested in this case)

I ended up leaving the company for unconnected reasons but have been told HR did eventually take notice as a client became aware they had lied about qualifications- there was more but I would be here all day!!

YANBU

I think unless their lies about their qualifications means it is dangerous for them to be doing the job, or their link to your job will make you look incompetent because they aren’t fulfilling their duties, you just have to roll with it and report any impacts to your line manager.
It’s really on them and HR to sort out.

Try to switch off to it and get on with your job.

Posting solidarity, how absolutely vexing! I disagree with a lot of others in that it can impact you and your jobs. Theyre late their work isnt done properly and ON TOP of that as you work closely you have to constantly listen to it. I bet youre the one who would get reported for bullying or some other stupid shit if you attempted to " grey rock " therapy talk is so overdone. Good luck x

Have you ever been tempted to pull them up on it? Along the lines of, ‘Oh, I thought you said your mum was a nurse not a teacher?’ kind of thing?

Precisely. We agree.

I had this, but management were friends with them so I ended up leaving. No-one wanted to take any responsibility for hiring a lying idiot, and I was sick of saying that I don't want to rectify their mistakes.

It sounds like you have no proof though, just what she says. As long as that does not endanger anyone at your job she'll just have to remain an annoying colleague. Sounds like she is either terribly insecure of very secretive.

No-one wanted to take any responsibility for hiring a lying idiot,

I've worked in a place where the HR manager was forced to double down and promote a shit hire rather than admit they messed up.

I left before they went bust.

(This was the same place that recruited a "developer" and when they turned out to be shit got sent on 4 training courses to hide the mistake).

We’re going to disagree here. We have no idea whether this person lied in the recruitment process, she certainly wouldn’t have been able to lie about her age (which is irrelevant) because she’d have had to present her passport to confirm identity. Someone lying about their life has no impact on their colleagues unless they allow it to.

Add to this that many companies actively avoid asking candidates for their date of birth during the recruitment process to avoid any suggestion of age discrimination, and it would be very difficult to prove that lying about her age to colleagues had any impact on her job.

As you say, this woman’s real age will be on her ID and logged with HR. If she chooses to use her Tinder age in the office, it doesn’t affect what she’s told the company during the application process.

I agree with all those who said the OP should concentrate on the issues that actually affect her directly. Log it each and every time this woman’s actions make it difficult for her to do her job properly, but leave “She said she was from Bristol, but last week it was Exeter” out of it.

I've not done it myself, but I've known people who deliberately lay tripwire facts about themselves to alert them if anyone gets too nosey. It may be a bit much, but women in the workplace need stay safe.

It depends what they're lying about. Some fibs are annoying, some are so ridiculous they're actually funny 🤣
However, I worked with one woman who would frequently boast about going to fancy weddings at the weekends or that she was converting to Islam
Yet, over time they became more sinister. Including how her DH was physically abusing her, how one guy was sexually harassing her at work (he ended up leaving). Her breast cancer scare. Her pregnancy. All revealed to be untrue. Somehow she just got away with it

Just try and ignore it except anything that directly impacts on you (increases your workload or creates other obvious problems for the business/service users/clients).

I wouldn't necessarily say that the personal level bullshitting is entirely not work related as it may be having an effect on the mutual trust and confidence that should be present in professional relationships, but it's probably far too nebulous to support a tangible complaint.

Other posters have given some ideas as to why the person may be lying about themselves (or they might just be a bullshitter) so best to leave well alone.

It would annoy and disturb me too though.

We have one of these. Always late, finding ways of making things more difficult than necessary (Hides things, breaks things, lies about work stuff, inevitably gets monitoring and documentation wrong so it has to be done again ) When he finally did get another job opportunity (subject to vetting) we told the appropriate person in that organisation about him. Because he’s annoying and stressful to us but is’t likely to kill or injure anyone as he might have done if he’d moved on. We’re stuck with him but we just work round him. Our managers are aware but can (apparently) do nothing. <sigh>

Just keep raising it and demonstrate the effect it's having on you and your work.

I’ve experienced a similar colleague so you have my utmost sympathy. Lying really triggers me and I struggled to not let it bother me, but in hindsight I realise I wasted a lot of energy. It’s good your manager is aware. And also maybe a blessing that you’re not their manager!

Thanks to all of you who gave taken the time to respond. I’m really grateful.

I have seen their CV, that’s how I know it’s lies as they have told me different!

How do I know so much about them and that they are lying? Because they tell me constantly, every day, a different story. I have said - oh I thought you said xyz and they go, oh, yeah and just tail off and leave… which keeps them out my hair for a minute. But then they’re back 30 mins later with more drivel. I just nod and smile, nod and smile. 😑