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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Really unhappy in my marriage

17 replies

Sbcds · 01/02/2026 18:54

I feel very low right now, had another awful weekend. I really didn’t want to fight this weekend and have a nice time for the kids but he winds me up so much. I’ve spent entire day in bed just getting up to make kids food, take them swimming then going back to bed. I don’t know how to face going into work in the morning but I will otherwise I will be here with him as he WFH.

The argument literally was over nothing. Last night about 8pm I got the kids to bed and thought I’d try working on our relationship so I told him to pick anything from our list on Disney / Netflix and we can watch. Came down and he said how about aliens to which I innocently replied haven’t you already watched that? (When u go in Disney it comes up as “continue watching” so I presumed he started watching it as I haven’t. He exploded saying why would he suggest it if he had already watched. It sounds innocent written down but the contempt and anger in his voice was there. I walked out and went to get water and when I came back 5 seconds later he started again saying I don’t really want to get along and why would I say he’s watched it when he hasn’t. I told him it’s not really that much of a big deal and he could just have said he hasn’t. He continued shouting and at this point I felt myself get dysregulated and unable to control my emotions and I threw a cushion at him to which he over reacted and started screaming really loudly!

He woke the kids up and youngest came downstairs. I took youngest upstairs and slept in his bed. I didn’t sleep well as he’s got a toddler bed and I was very uncomfortable. DH is giving me silent treatment and has gone out without telling me where. I wish I hadn’t said anything I wish I could turn back time and just say “sounds good” to when he suggested the tv programme.

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 01/02/2026 19:00

Honestly your marriage sounds awful. He has open contempt for you: what a ridiculous thing to start and argument over. No one needs to live like that.

How many kids have you got and how old are they?

I would be starting to put an exit strategy together. You work, which is good. Do you have any savings?

Sbcds · 01/02/2026 19:02

I really don’t understand why that one question got him so much. He’s always angry with me. He’s controlling too and does t let me see my family. I have my suspicions he’s still angry with me as 2 weeks ago I went to visit my niece who’s just moved into our town recently.

@Thepeopleversuswork the children are 7 and 10. I work but have no savings. I don’t get paid much and every penny goes on bills and other things as soon as I get paid. He’s a high earner but we don’t share back account so his money is only his.

OP posts:
Jumimo · 01/02/2026 19:04

He sounds awful.

KitKatKrums · 01/02/2026 19:06

You’re being abused, emotionally and financially. You need to make an exit plan. Is there a friend or family member you can confide in? It’ll be so much easier if you have real life support.

Sbcds · 01/02/2026 19:09

@KitKatKrums there’s no one really I can confide in. I did tell my mum when he started acting up when I went to see my niece but her response was I should put him first and respect his wishes.

How is it financial abuse? I’ve not considered this before, emotional I fully accept but I’m not sure it’s financial

OP posts:
Pepperedpickles · 01/02/2026 19:10

Who has been looking after the dc today when you’ve been in bed? Please don’t say him because he sounds like an absolute abusive arsehole.

You need to leave - for yours and the dc sake.

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/02/2026 19:13

So he’s financially abusive and controlling. Do you want your children to grow up thinking this is what family life is like?

Talk to Women’s Aid. They have helped thousands of women like you. And speak to friends and family to see if you can get support.

Sbcds · 01/02/2026 19:13

@Pepperedpickles no I’ve been looking after them. When I say bed I mean the couch with a blanket. I didn’t sleep in my bed last night I slept in toddlers bed so had no sleep.

OP posts:
Topjoe19 · 01/02/2026 19:13

You didn't say anything wrong, please don't blame yourself. Poor kids. Are you planning to leave him? Because you should.

Sbcds · 01/02/2026 19:14

He’s not helped with the kids at all. He can see I’ve been down and feeling upset but he’s shown no consideration of how I’m feeling.

OP posts:
Ukholidaysaregreat · 01/02/2026 19:28

Emotional and financial abuse. He sounds like a cunt. Stop using your money to pay for stuff. Can you move back in with your Mum whilst you get on your feet. Xxx

Evaka · 01/02/2026 19:32

Your mum is a misogynistic arsehole too. I'm so sorry you're not getting any support from her. Women's Aid for sure OP, hope you can start over without this pig in your life x

Sbcds · 01/02/2026 19:34

I’ve been doing some research and there no way I could afford to move out of the house and get a mortgage on my own. Just renting here is over £1,100 a month. I wish I had made better life choices.

OP posts:
watchingthishtread · 01/02/2026 19:41

Your relationship is toxic.

ScrollingLeaves · 01/02/2026 19:41

Sbcds · 01/02/2026 19:09

@KitKatKrums there’s no one really I can confide in. I did tell my mum when he started acting up when I went to see my niece but her response was I should put him first and respect his wishes.

How is it financial abuse? I’ve not considered this before, emotional I fully accept but I’m not sure it’s financial

I did tell my mum when he started acting up when I went to see my niece but her response was I should put him first and respect his wishes

This seems an odd thing for a mother to say in modern times, so I wonder if your family practises a patriarchal version of a religion that sees a woman as being subservient to her husband?

It seems your husband may be financially trapping you, and that he belittles you and is rude to you.

Undercookedby10 · 06/04/2026 20:40

OP, who does the house belong to? Does he contribute to bills?

Can you start by putting cash aside? How old is your niece, can she help in some way? Even to confide?

Women's Aid. Today OP.

Weirdconditionaltense · 06/04/2026 20:48

He is unstable. Please get out of the relationship
You don't deserve to be treated like shit

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