23yo DN with no hopes for future

[moviemadness3]

Nephew has had a really tough couple of years with family issues and so is currently staying with my parents. This was supposed to be a temporary thing but he has now been there 2 years and my parents are worried and have no idea what to do. He is clearly depressed and doesn’t seem to have much of a social life. He works a part time job but has openly admitted he would prefer not to work. He doesn’t pay anything to my parents as they are fairly well off and originally said they wouldn’t accept anything from him. They (and we) are just really worried about his future. We have asked what work he would love to do, what plans he has etc but the answer is always just that he doesn’t know.
He spends all his time in his room and doesn’t socialise much with anybody at all. They’ve tried talking to him numerous times but he just brushes it off. We are worried that he won’t be qualified for most jobs as he has no qualifications and minimal GCSE’s. My parents plan on down sizing at some point but also have put their lives on hold while he’s there and they can’t do this indefinitely.
anyone been in this situation and know the best way to help him

He needs some tough love tbf

Where are his parents in all this?

They need to take more of a role in steering their child onto a better path.

Parents have very little involvement but also aren’t the greatest role models so this is where his lack of drive/enthusiasm for work has come from.

For a start your parents need to stop subsidising him. If they charge him board and lodging he won't have the luxury of not working.
Once he's working he may be motivated to find something he actually enjoys.

I don't know where you live but there must be some careers service that he could attend for an appointment? I live in Wales and this is what we have: https://careerswales.gov.wales

They are great - really good at rooting out your skills and interests, really good at making accurate predictions relating to the job market in the years to come. They can help with job applications, a CV, etc. It sounds like he needs to know what his options are and this is where a careers service can come to the fore.

Armed forces?

If I were your parents and was financially able to facilitate this (you say they are financially well off), I would present nephew with three options:

First: He proactively takes a full time job.

Second: He returns to education, financially aided by them but he also keeps a part time job to contribute. Any education - academic study, vocational, apprenticeship. It doesn’t need to be a career for life choice, just something that leads to a better job.

Third: He takes some time out to travel and do some volunteer work, financially supported by them for a fixed period of time, after which he fully supports himself.

All three of these options get him out of the rut and get him taking a next step. It’s very sad that he doesn’t seem to have had the parental guidance to set him on the right path, but equally, at age 23, he needs to take ownership of his life and do something - anything - to further his life.

He’s not going to overcome depression by having no purpose and staying at home. Don’t underestimate my third option, travel really gives life experience and resilience. I would make it clear that what is not an option is continuing part time work with no purpose or intention to progress in life, indefinitely subsidised by them.

Someone with nothing more than minimal GCSEs and no driving ambition isn’t really equipped for adult life in 2026 - so it’s no wonder he’s depressed.

He needs urgent help to get some sort of qualification or training - so he has a skill, but also so he can engage in measuring himself against his peers. Otherwise he’ll become more and more isolated and lacking in hope.

Your parents should certainly explore the careers guidance suggestions here, and maybe try the National Careers Service.

https://nationalcareers.service.gov.uk/

It is a matter of tough love, I’m afraid. He needs forcing out of the rut he’s in.

I think this is going to have to be a multi-pronged approach, but all underpinned by kindly and firmly telling your nephew that his living situation will not continue forever. They are planning to put the house on the market in - say - 18 months time, and he needs to make a plan towards moving out.

Has he seen a GP about his depression? Does he acknowledge he's depressed?

There are, actually, positives here. He's holding down a part time job so has a record of work. Are there full time opportunities where he works now?

Lastly, I'd reframe questions away from what he would love to do - lots of people don't love their job! Ideally, he'd do a job that plays to his strengths and doesn't involve work he hates. So try to be specific: would he like to work outdoors, with the public, etc.

Also, is he claiming all benefits he's entitled to (I imagine he probably is)? But his first full time job isn't likely to pay an awful lot and he might need to be topped up with UC to pay rent in a shared house.