To be upset RE ex

[Sanpellegrino1]

AIBU to feel my pride / ego / whatever else is hurt by this?

Ex and I broke up during COVID he stated he could not marry me as I was a white British woman and he was from a muslim country and from a traditonal family. He was the love of my life. I spent years pining for him, eventually got over it and now I am married and expecting.

I have since found out he is ‘in a relationship’ on social media with a white British woman and they have had a baby unplanned out of wedlock.

I just feel he must have lied to me about the reasons for tbe breakup and it is has opened up all the scars again. I genuinely thought the next time I knew of him in a relationship would be an arranged marriage with someone from the same culture. I feel really weird about it?

Any advice please

Sounds like he is consistent in not marrying a white British woman if she's not his wife. And presumably consistent in not planning a baby.

But tbh whether he's changed his values or lied about his reasons at the time, or something completely different, you weren't compatible, so nothing has actually changed.

I know it must be weird to see an ex with someone else but you're not tied to him in any way and he's not tied to you.

Allow yourself this morning to dwell a little then put it behind you - he's not in your life for a reason. You've clearly moved on a lot in a few years which is great... good luck with the baby!

My advice would be to block him on social media ,you have both moved on
Wether he meant what he said about not marrying a white non Muslim women
Or was using it as an excuse to end the relationship who knows
Concentrate on your marriage and baby.

I can totally see why it would sting 😞

But I wouldn't be so sure he's got his happily ever after with this woman.

He told me if he stayed with me the damage in his family would be ‘catastrophic’ - I have never forgotten it. I was like, am I really that bad? I had even learned their language and some parts of their culture such as festivals. The parents knew this and had met me.

The parents had met you? And the world didn't implode?

All on him. Don't waste your time wondering. Either he meant it, in which case she's not in for a good time of it. Or he didn't mean it, and wanted to break up for other reasons. Or he didn't know why, and just wanted to break up, and pinned it on family.

Just enjoy your life. This man is not worth your time.

I understood op. It is very hard when someone you loved does something for a new relationship they wouldn’t do for you.

my ex gave up alcohol for new wife. My mind often wonders why he couldn’t for me.

however as we will never get answers we just need to put up a shield and try and ignore.

onward op

I suspect he was torn between wanting one thing but tradition/culture pull was stronger. He probably prefers white British women and has now got himself into a situation he actually doesn't want to be in.
I don't believe it was personal to you. You're fortunate in that he was eventually honest to tell you there wasn't a chance of marriage. The other woman will most likely have to convert.
Lucky escape for you. Don't keep tabs on him. No good can come out of it. Move on.
Enjoy your new life.

He didn't love you enough, better for everyone that you split. You should focus on your DH and baby and forget the past.

This is my instinct in all honesty.

In his culture marriage prior to kids is very important with all of his siblings doing that - I do wonder if he has met this girl really liked her and it has been unplanned pregnancy and he has done the right thinh by staying in a relationship with her.

You sre right that he done me a favour as his family particularly his mother, will not be going kind on this new girl.

He was very explicit with you about his value system, and you should have walked away the first day he insulted your nationality and ethnicity.

The fact he has a baby with another white woman would mean nothing- she probably just stopped using contraceptives. Maybe he’s just older and has realised that actually it’s his own family that would be catastrophic for anyone unfortunate enough to marry into it.

At some level he’s actually pretty spineless, and if you need to focus on him focus on how he threw you and your relationship under the bus because Mummy told him to.

It sounds like he was spinning you a line because he didn't want to get married. In which case, he is not the love of your life but a liar who has treated you shabbily. You've moved on, concentrate on your own relationship and pregnancy, block him on social media and get on with your life.