To think my boyfriend is ruining our holiday by drinking

[Swifter0]

hi first time posting so go easy on me please. we are on holiday right now and i feel like im losing my mind. saved up for ages for this its not some luxury thing just a normal family break but still a LOT of money for us and from day one my boyfriend has been drinking from breakfast time. not falling over drunk exactly but beers by the pool then more with lunch then cocktails and by evening hes loud and embarrassing and im sat there with the kids pretending its fine. i knew he liked a drink obviously but he promised me this time would be different because last holiday ended in a row and him disappearing for hours. tonight he came back smelling of spirits and i just snapped and now hes sulking saying im trying to control him and its his holiday too. am i being unreasonable to think drinking all day every day is ruining it. part of me thinks maybe im overreacting and should just let it go because we are away and meant to be relaxing but then i look at the kids faces when hes shouting laughing and it makes me feel sick. he says everyone else is drinking and im making a big deal out of nothing. im tired fed up and feel stupid for expecting anything else. what would you do honestly because right now i just want to go home and cry.

As your partner, he is by default a role model for your children. (On the assumption he may not be their father) So, no, you are not being unreasonable.

Is he your children’s dad?

YANBU!

He has kids. That's awful.

I'd be furious. What a prick!

Of course you're not overreacting. He's behaving really badly and I would tell him straight it's unacceptable

There’s a few drinks on holiday, and then there’s drinking on holiday.
i’m assuming your on an AI?
when we go AI, I probably have my first cocktail by the pool at 11ish. But I can honestly say, hand on heart, I have never even been tipsy on an AI with my children. Neither has my partner.

if i was in your shoes and it was making me uncomfortable, and talking didn’t change anything, it would be a problem. If it was making my children uncomfortable, it would probably be a deal breaker.

I went away with my partner of years last summer, and my DD(5) - DP not her dad. I always knew I loved a drink but at home it was easier as I was always so busy with work, the dog, DD, dinner/bath/bed etc that I turned a blind eye and DD just thought he went to play ‘sports’ rather than the pub every night.
Anyway, we went to Spain last July as our main family holiday. He met 2 groups of singles on the first day and attached himself to them for the week, drinking, smoking etc. and I was left to be in the pool 24/7 with DD, doing all of the parenting, it was like I was a single parent again. It got to the last day and I told him the relationship was over. I sat by the pool looking at rentals on Rightmove. We flew home that night, DD and I moved out a week later. Best decision I’ve ever made. His drinking would’ve caused resentment down the line, DD would’ve noticed what was going on and honestly, I didn’t want my DP to die early from alcoholism.
We relocated somewhere stunning (still UK), and I’m so happy, as is DD. I would seriously consider the relationship at this point.

Always knew he loved a drink*

I mean, you know he's a sloppy alky right? He's just a manky (presumably) young drunk who will, in time become a manky old drunk.

And you'll be like my mother was, tolerating him sitting there slurping, sloppy loud and a painful twat. I won't talk about his violent temper only ever seen when drinking, but that's par for the course with drunks too. Or all the mornings ruined by his hangovers as well.

And he will get worse and worse over the years. Over time your bedroom and bed will stink of his filthy alky sweat. I remember changing her sheets for her when they were in their 60s, she never drank but the whole room smelled disgusting like an old pub.

Imagine what all the money he is guzzling and pissing out could be spent on for your children. Count up how much of your children's money he guzzles down.

Every one of our little holidays that she saved so hard for, little getaways for a few days a year in a caravan as that was all she could afford, was at least partially ruined by the sloppy drunk.

Just like your children's holiday is being at least partially ruined.

And they will remember, of course. Not just that he was choosing to be a disgusting loud mouthed selfish alky, but that their mother put up with it on their behalf.

Oh, and at least one of your children will become an alcoholic too. Guaranteed.

You are normalising outrageous, anti social, filthy, selfish behaviour.

Get him the fuck away from your children.

Well done, I am so happy for you and your daughter. It's hard to do what you did, it takes courage.

And yes her options are he gives up drinking (he won't) or she leaves the relationship, or her children suffer the consequences of her choice to inflict the drunk on them - forever.

if someone needs to be bladdered to enjoy their holiday with you there’s something far wrong.

it’s both your holiday. All things in moderation. While hes bkaddeted if one of the kids cuts themselves or somwthimg it’s just presumes you will deal with it. What are you, the “nanny with a fanny” as someone once said. ie you care for everyone snd put out too so hes got it made. When do you get time off being on guard over the kids and relax on your holiday? you domt uf hes continually wrecked.

welcome to the rest of your life wirh an alcoholic selfish twat. it won’t be nice.
he’ll be getting flung off planes next year or the year (after as he takes longer and longer to stop holiday drinking mode) for drunken behaviour like my pals bf. just embarrassing. she was mortified. he whole holiday was ruined.

To be honest, even if the loudness wasn't embarrassing, I would find spending my time with someone drinking all day bloody dull. Starting at brekkie and all day, no thanks. They'd stink too.

Not good role model for your children, paying you zero consideration or respect on your holiday and being selfish. He did this before, he's done it again, I suggest next time go on holiday just with your children or with a friend.

I don't understand how he can justify drinking when he has children to care for? He is stealing your holiday OP. Not ok

So selfish and lazy to booze on a family holiday with the kids. Just presuming you’ll do all of the parenting and be responsible all the time. Not much of a holiday for you then.
in all seriousness though someone who drinks from breakfast and gets drunk every day has a problem.

He sounds so boring. What's the point of going on holiday if you're just going to sit around drinking all day, every day? What enjoyment is he getting out of it? (not to mention he's being irresponsible, a terrible example to the kids, etc)

Drunks are boring, but in their deluded alcohol-fuelled little minds they think they're incredibly witty and the life and soul of the party.

The need (and it is an need) to start drinking at breakfast indicates your BF is probably already halfway down a very slippery slope. Alcoholism is progressive; if he needs a beer or whatever at breakfast now, in a few years he'll need three beers just to start his day of unrestrained imbibing.

It's your choice.

‘And I’m sat there with the kids’

yanbu

He’s being reckless. So much alcohol is bad for his health and it’s causing major problems with his relationship and it’s spoiling your holiday.

You could try talking to him, when he’s sober, but honestly I don’t hold out much hope that he will change.

You are definitely NOT over reacting OP! He is behaving like an alcoholic pig! How many children do you have with you, how old are they, and are they his?

If they're not his children, then I'd be very tempted, once he's sobered up in the morning, (if he does), to tell him that he's let you down badly with his continuous drinking, and as far as you're concerned the relationship is over! I would tell him I don't care what he does, but he is not coming back to the room you share with your children, and that he'd better speak to the hotel management to see if they can provide him with somewhere else to sleep until the end of the holiday.

Obviously it's a bit different if they are your joint children, but I would still be asking myself how to safely go about ending this relationship, and would be totally distancing myself and the children from him, ie, if you're at the pool, go and sit somewhere away from him, go for meals at different times and sit at a different table, just totally pretend that you don't have any connection with the loud mouthed drunk. Then once you get home, set about getting things sorted in order to disconnect your relationship.

I'm sorry that your hardearned holiday is being spoiled. Drinking from breakfast onwards and embarrassing your family is not normal behaviour. He's clearly got a problem with alcohol. You say that your last holiday was ruined also, so there's a pattern.

I'm not sure what to advise you do right now. I think I would be determined to have the best holiday I can for me and the children and I would probably try to go off and do things without him.

I think the bigger question is what you do when you get back and sad to say I think you should split, for your children's sake. You can try and give him an ultimatum but from what you've said he doesn't seem to see there's a problem. Alcoholics have to want to change and even then it's really hard. What is his drinking like when you're at home?

The most terrible line in your post is that you look at your kids' faces and feel sick. If your partner doesn't get help and loses you, that's tragic. I pity him because alcoholism is a terrible thing. But if you and your children are pulled down with him, that's even worse.

I wish you the strength to deal with all of this.

Hi OP…… honestly, I’m not trying to over-dramatise your (already difficult) situation…. Look for the thread supporting people living with alcoholics, you will see hundreds of posts from those of us who were you and believed that we could and moreover SHOULD ‘fix’ our alcoholics for the sake of a marriage/relationship or the family…. Please don’t stick your head in the sand…listen to that voice inside you telling you to wake up now and think about what comes next if you don’t act.
You owe it to yourself and your kids to do the right thing, even when it feels like the right thing is going to bring heartbreak and chaos to everyone involved… peace will prevail in the end.
Wishing you all the best OP x

I presume you are on an AI deal.

AI brings out the worst in people. ‘Wayay beers at breakfast, look at me, this is the life, getting my moneys worth… and slurping cheap cocktails on a sun lounger is as far as my idiotic imagination can go as far as having a greeeeeaat time is involved’

I saw so many people behaving like this. I doubt he is an alcoholic.

Try not to
let it ruin your own hol OP. Enjoy being there, the pool, the sun, relax and read your book and roll your eyes at what a twat he is being.

Maybe go off and do something with the kids in the evening and leave him with similar twats (there will be plenty) thinking they are gods gift to the best life by having a few free beers.