Ex and DS reaction to bus “crash”

[SpookySpookyy]

Got the bus home the other night and the bus had to go through a narrow bend, the bus ended up scraping the side of a lorry which resulted in some of the windows shattering on the side I was sitting. I was fine and I ended up having to walk 45 minutes home in the dark. Another passenger ended up covered in glass.

I text ex saying Omg, my bus just crashed! and another saying how the windows had shattered.

Twelve hours later he replied saying Wow! I hope the bus is ok! Then he changed the subject to childcare logistics.

DS had an even worse reaction gleefully saying Yay, it’s crashed! And then Shame, you didn’t die! 💀 I told him that’s enough, don’t talk like that and changed the subject. He’s a teenager (ADHD)

AIBU to feel pretty shitty at their response? Obviously it wasn’t a proper crash but it was still unnerving.

Wow, what a couple of absolute arseholes.

Your ex sounds unpleasant.
Your DS sounds utterly foul.

ADHD or not, your son's a brat.

I see OP isn’t answering why she even txt her ex in the 1st place? Why are you so keen for him to know and to get his reaction?
Also it wasn’t a bus crash, it was a fairly minor incident. If my ex txt me about a non event I wasn’t injured in I wouldn’t be rushing to respond either.

You shouldn’t have texted your ex. No longer his circus or monkeys. He was right to redirect you to childcare. Your son sounds like he needs some serious help - what a disturbing reaction.

If you'd read the whole thread you would see that the OP, has answered this question! They are newly separated, and so in a situation where she felt stressed and upset, she contacted the person who she's been used to turning to, which I think is actually a fairly normal thing to do in a situation like this.

Yeah, we still send pictures of the kids and might sometimes chat about other stuff. It was done out of habit as he would have been the first person I would have text if anything happened.

I'd go fucking mental at the DS. What a disgusting thing to say. Can't believe his dad didn't pull him up on that. I don't talk to my ex much but if DS said that to me, he'd bloody knock him into next week.

Well tbh if you text me a short message to say the bus crashed and a window shattered, I would think it was a non incident and a minor inconvenience. If something more major had happened then i would assume that you would have called, or the hospital would have called or you would have added more detail and urgency to your text.
I think your text probably set the tone for the message from your son, which wasnt ideal and I would be miffed by his reply. But you also had no urgency or fear for your safety, writing OMG the bus crashed in a text is not the action of someone who needs help or is injured or involved in a serious incident, so I would assume they thought the same.

Ex could be trying to set out boundaries, albeit in a shitty way, that he is not the one to contact with personal matters.
Teens response is weird, was it a poor attempt at humour? He needs to know how unacceptable that response was. It is down to us as parents to teach children appropriate responses and how to show empathy. It doesn't come naturally to any child, ND ones need even more support to learn appropriate social skills.

Your ex is your ex, no reason to text him. Time to break that bad habit.

That reply from your son though...

That's a hateful and hurtful reply. I'd be having a talk with him about how treating people like that will affect them and him.

Why would you text your ex that anyway? Yabu.

but your sons reply was mean.

That must have been such a shock for you. I know you weren't injured, but it's the moment of the crash and not knowing how bad it's going to be 💐

I would talk to your son at another point about how that made you feel. You don't even have to be angry with him (he's probably forgotten he even said it by now) but he does need to know that his words impact other people

Your ex is your ex for a reason..Don't expect anything from him but disappointment. Then act accordingly.

Your DS on the other hand. Just wow. What a vile little shit.

Non incident? Minor inconvenience? I imagine it was a big shock for OP. Why the hell was the son’s reaction so vile?

Wow your son is an arsehole. ADHD is no excuse for saying that at all.

I'd probably reply the same as your ex, if my ex text me that - it would be in a jokey manner though ofc. But that's the kind of thing we would speak about at pick up/drop off, would never text to tell each other about our day lol

ADHD is zero excuse or reason to text your mother saying it's a shame she didn't die.

I'm ADHD. I'm pretty fed up with it being used to excuse appalling behaviour.

Agree and I have Audhd myself.